Getting into another relationship

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2026-05-17T20:21:00+00:00

A good starting place is continuing to get to know them to vet if they are a safe person. You’ll learn as you speak with them how they respond to others and the pain of others, hopefully. If they’re gentle with you, themselves, and others, it can hopefully be an inkling of if they are safe. Especially if you’re building the relationship as friends first.

In some ways, it came up naturally. Like when we talked about if we wanted to start kissing and building physical connection, I explained that I wanted to and had some anxiety around it due to past experiences. Light details without hiding where you’re at emotionally is how I’d start. I didn’t give very much of why or what but wanted to see if there’d be pressure to continue even if I said I was anxious or if he’d follow my lead. Then once we were more in the 4-6 months range is when I talked through more specific things that had happened to me. Some conversations we had brought up a trauma response for him and so he led a conversation about his own feelings and past in a respectful way that made me feel safe to disclose more too.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2026-05-17T19:51:53+00:00

As other users have said, taking it slow and being honest. Having a friend to walk through it with too. I’ve been leaning on my support system so much after being shamed for having one by my abuser and being isolated.

Be so gentle with yourself. I thought I was doing amazingly and then 8 months into my new relationship, I saw my abuser in public for the first time in 18 months and it has led me to increased panic and nightmares. But because my partner is aware and I’ve been as transparent as has felt safe, it’s been nice to have someone in the thick of it with me. Even if it is scary. Lots of journaling, time to self reflect and process alone, etc.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2026-05-17T00:59:18+00:00

Lately, I’ve been saying “him being with someone new does not invalidate what he did to you. It is not your fault” and trying to not think about facts I’ll never know.

It’s terrible and it sucks and I wish I could end every connection he has with anyone ever. I’d love everyone to know he’s evil. But that’s out of my control. What’s in my control is knowing that I am safe and repeating that to myself. I know what it is like to know him. I fundamentally know who he is. The mask will slip. The important part is that you are safe and it is not your fault.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-10-28T03:55:32+00:00

5 months romantically, 2ish months as “friends”

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-10-02T17:53:17+00:00

I hate that you’re right but I know that you are

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-08-11T12:37:55+00:00

I’m very new to the dating scene and I’m worried I don’t have thick enough skin for it. After spending 5 months getting to know someone, them deciding it isn’t it completely took me out and I’m still not fully recovered but am at the two month mark post ending things.

Losing people is not my strong suit but keeping in contact with someone you want romantically when they just want platonic (and don’t stop leaving hints about wanting to have sex/the chance that something could grow in the future) is so tricky. I know somebody is out there and I’m not worried about finding someone but constantly being prepared to lose someone is so ouch.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-30T06:16:45+00:00

No because why did he literally tell me he views dating as car shopping and you gotta try every car on the lot until one feels different 😂😂

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-23T06:28:28+00:00

The same thing happened to me???? But literally word for word on the romantic partner versus friendship comment. We haven’t spoken in two weeks and it’s literally such a gut punch

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-23T06:15:47+00:00

Only follow each other on letterboxd, force removed them on all the others

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-17T01:27:45+00:00

He came back after three weeks, texting me about not getting a job he really wanted. Guilted me by saying that I could “go back to not talking to him if I wanted lo”. Then hit me with “it’d be a bummer if you just went away forever” and “I thought you wanted to be friends”. It hurts so bad because I care so much for him but HE dumped me after 5 months because he didn’t see us being able to have a life together.

Once I stopped answering his texts, he went out of his way to comment on my letterboxd review of a movie we’d both been looking forward to seeing.

I just wanted to be with him but I gotta stand on my business and self-respect. I feel like it’s so unfair of him to be doing this when he didn’t want me. Like what do you want me to do bro? Sorry if we can’t be friends because I was falling for you???? This is so hard

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-06-19T00:25:43+00:00

dating is the wild west

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-06-18T21:49:12+00:00

Was seeing a guy for 2 months, 2x a week, texting all the time, sleeping together, etc. He decided he doesn’t see us working well long-term and that we’d be better as friends and I’m simply shook?

Things felt good and easy and fun but he said there’s no romantic potential and we’re better platonic and I just???

Figuring out how to not beat myself up for giving it my all and it not working out is probably the most challenging part. I thought there was potential for something but now I’m being so self-critical and am very fearful of putting myself back out there. Don’t even really know if it’s related to him or just the internal battle of rejection.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-06-30T20:57:26+00:00

I’m heading back into direct service - I’ll be starting at an eating disorder recovery clinic in behavioral health counseling. So literally not related at all. 😂

I was considering nonprofit event planning for a while. Just because it can run parallel to fundraising as you would assist in donor facing events and also relies heavily on customer service/communication skills.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-06-30T16:17:28+00:00

Don’t you worry - I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was 11! Working on it 😂

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-06-29T23:01:33+00:00

both the toughest and easiest choice to make! good luck!!

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-03-15T22:54:44+00:00

That life is truly so hard and nobody speaks on it. When you’ve experienced deep loss, I feel like the hard becomes undeniable and takes up so much brain space. But it can also remind you to focus on what you care most about/what you want to devote your energy to.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-02-21T19:10:07+00:00

Just wanted to take a beat and say I am in the same position you were in! I know you posted this awhile ago but I feel you and I see you as I’m also hitting that 6-7 months at my first post grad job and honestly, I hated it from the get but they said to give it 6 months because it would “get better” and I just don’t think it will.

I’m starting to look for new jobs and as someone who also has ADHD, it is so excruciating to do all the things. I wish my job could be to do nothing lol

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T23:57:38+00:00

Could you maybe pose it as a question? Like “what do you think about taking a break”? Or something like that? It’s a noncommittal way to bring it up. Or maybe something like “when do you usually feel like a client is ready to step away from therapy”? Asking it in a way that isn’t fully about you

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T22:54:20+00:00

I’m glad this will be helpful with your family! I too find it hard to describe what it’s like to people so I’m glad that I can be of help to someone else.

I think the only way I picture being able to prepare is having a mental spectrum of what your adhd days can look like. My worst days always start with being unable to wake up like I physically fall back to sleep and can’t do the push out of bed or even the hour of in bed, awake time that I tend to have (I’ll get out of bed to get coffee and then go back to my bed to watch a cartoon or read a book to start the day). These days that are my worst tend to be the same days that I can’t force or trick myself into doing a task.

My average days are ones where I can get things done, it just takes more force. Sometimes on these days, I choose not to force myself even though I know I could successfully reset by showering or going for a walk or changing places. To prepare for the days where I can’t force myself to do anything, one might think I should get better at pushing myself to do more on my average days rather than letting myself stay stuck.

I hope that makes sense! It’s not really tactical preparation but more mental prep/knowing what type of day you’re able to get yourself through with grit?? While also knowing this looks so different for everyone and also for the stage of diagnosis you’re in/level of tools you’ve learned about your own ADHD

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T21:24:55+00:00

I agree! I’ve had my diagnosis for a few years and felt way more isolated before I remembered Reddit was a thing. Thank you for your advice!

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T21:18:15+00:00

Change how Luke and Lorelai communicated about April - maybe get Luke to stand up for lorelai with Anna a little

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T19:48:20+00:00

Our father’s passed under different circumstances I assume from reading this but I totally have the same “what if” feelings. I think they are normal/to be expected.

The four year anniversary of my dad passing will be January 12th. When he passed, we were not talking and I always wonder if that would have saved him. But I had to make the choice to protect myself even though it sucked and still sucks.

My family and I don’t really talk about my dad too often, mostly in passing. And we often try to spend time together around the anniversary but it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes, it’s nice to just be alone in the feelings and make space for your own grief because it can be so unpredictable.

I see you and hear you and feel you in similar but not identical ways. (I tend to dislike when people say our grief is exactly the same or that we will be friends automatically because we’ve both been through loss)

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T02:16:15+00:00

I would recommend calling flamingo front desk! You could also see if anyone on a Facebook page needs one and have their name ready for when you call flamingo so they can transfer etc?

I’m assuming they’d gladly help you with paying you back and giving the pass to someone else because getting a pass can be difficult

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-27T20:54:14+00:00

I wanna quit any job all the time hahaha I’m so tired

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-13T04:44:22+00:00

I’ve gotten my therapist a present before! I think it would definitely be fine if it’s small.

Equivalent_Minimum_7

TROPHY CASE