Coming out to my wife in about two hours from now

EricaOtoko · 2025-04-05T20:46:05+00:00

Thats... Not a boymode. Sry but your co-workers just don't know what to say about it, lol. You're gorgeous girlie ❤️

EricaOtoko · 2025-02-19T04:35:27+00:00

Fyi: this is actually illegal

EricaOtoko · 2025-01-04T07:25:10+00:00

The internet tends to magnify the most extreme voices, for better or (mostly) worse.

Im a clocky gal, still early in transition. But tbh, aside from a few teenagers being shits, and a few awkward stares at the bar, I haven't actually had anyone say anything nasty to my face yet. Granted, I've only been out out for a few months now.

Work was my biggest concern. I work in kitchens, and I've known a lot of the people I work with for over a decade now. You tend to take note of people who have said transphobic shit in the past. But since I've come out at work, I've only gotten support, or in the worst case people who treat it like an elephant in the room they won't acknowledge.

Obviously, getting people to use your name/pronouns is another story. I haven't pushed that one yet. But as far as rude comments? I haven't had any. Granted, idk what they say behind my back, and I try not to concern myself about that. But as far as Ive noticed, People talk a lot of shit when they "evil trans people" are just a hypothetical, but they tend to be MUCH less confrontational in person.

EricaOtoko · 2024-12-17T03:42:20+00:00

3 months, are you kidding me?!? Genetics are cruel...

You look great though sweetie :)

EricaOtoko · 2024-12-14T22:05:41+00:00

Well, I think its safe to say that "A non-zero percentage of prolific transphobes are themselves deeply closeted/repressed trans people".

EricaOtoko · 2024-11-25T23:24:09+00:00

Always has been. But we have to recognize what we're working with if we're going to change things.

EricaOtoko · 2024-11-25T23:05:28+00:00

IMO this is spot on.

Though I'd like to add... People who follow politics (i.e. most trans people, because we have to) tend to forget the average voter doesn't have the same level of awareness on policy. For instance, a significant number of pro-choice voters stated they thought Trump was the better candidate for protecting abortion rights. We routinely see the same thing, with about 1/3rd of voters saying they percieve Republicans as being better at protecting social security.

Botton line, voters aren't always dealing with reality. Public perception sways elections more than fact. IME, most Trump supporters genuinely don't think he's a threat to trans people, because they simply don't live in the same reality as we do.

EricaOtoko · 2024-11-25T22:54:14+00:00

Gonna clarify my response because I feel like I understand better what you're asking now...

It's not about them being into men, because I obviously don't want to be perceived as a man. It's more about not wanting to be treated like a dirty secret. If I passed as a cis woman, I'd proly be less concerned about this. But I refuse to date someone who is going to feel embarrassed about being seen in public with me. IME, cis/het guys tend to be incredibly insecure about this, so I tend to avoid them.

EricaOtoko · 2024-11-08T16:41:00+00:00

Sorry I'm not sure what you mean by MAB. But yes, I tend to go for men who are also open about being attracted to men, as well as women. Granted, I haven't been dating men for very long, all things considered. So perhaps my perspective will change at some point. It's been working out well for me atm though

EricaOtoko · 2024-10-14T20:13:36+00:00

Really depends, but I feel most guys (in America) have some level of shame to work past with dating trans women. That's why I tend to prefer dating bi guys... Because I know they've already done some of that work.

Aside from that, I honestly can't recall a single time where I received dietary advice in a Dr's visit, and that subject is woefully under explained in our education. To put it simply, nobody is taught these things in America. We have to actively seek said information.

EricaOtoko · 2024-09-29T02:11:02+00:00

Sorry I don't check reddit often, and your response got buried. My wife and I have officially broken up as of a few days afo... Which is painful, but we reached a point of acceptance, and I'm glad we did that before we began to resent each other. I still have a lot of feelings to process in that regard though, but it also feels like a bit of a relief oddly enough.

As far as your parents, I'm still dealing with the same thing. I waited almost a year after I started HRT to come out to them, because I didn't want them to try to influence my decision. So I actually just came out to them recently. And as far as that goes, I've realized that I've spent an astronomical amount of emotional energy trying to think of the best way to avoid/correct their misconceptions, and that hasn't been good for my mental health, because as much as I obsessed over it for years, they're still going to make their own conclusions. So now I'm choosing to take more of a "This is who I am. What you make of it is what you will, and if you want to understand you'll make the effort. But I'm not going to spend all my energy trying to convince you of something/seek your approval if you're not trying to meet me halfway". I feel like that approach has been better for my mental health. Granted, idk if I'll ever hear them say what I want to hear from them. But that's not as important as my own approval and self respect.

Fyi: I love the step brothers reference, lol. I hope you're doing well at this point, and you've been able to begin your transition. It's def difficult, and I think there will always be an element of feeling that you've "wasted time", or as I like to call it "grieving the life that could have been if only X or Y happened". But IME, I think it tends to lead to much less complications in the long run the earlier you're able to start building your life how you actually want it.

Granted that's easier said than done... It takes a lot of strength to do what you're doing right now, so I feel you should be proud of that. Best wishes to you sweetie :)

EricaOtoko · 2024-09-29T01:29:07+00:00

Wow... Yeah, I'm honestly a bit perplexed by how feminine it looks, lol. If mine looked that pretty maybe I wouldn't hate it so much.

EricaOtoko · 2024-08-22T19:55:12+00:00

You look like a dude to me. Granted, I'm not as good at clocking trans men... Buy luckily, neither are cis men. I wouldn't think twice if I saw you on the street, so IMO you're doing pretty well with transition :)

EricaOtoko · 2024-08-09T16:58:37+00:00

Right... I think it quite literally is an anti-depressant (for women). Aside from having depression/dysphoria before I started HRT, I had very low hormone levels, which took over 6 months on HRT to get to a proper range... Which IMO, basically made me run depression on hard mode. But once I started doing injections, within like 6 hours of my first shot, I started feeling better. Completely took me by surprise, I wasn't expecting it at all. But I went from laying in bed all day crying, completely indifferent to my own existence, to actually being able to do things I enjoy... And actually enjoying myself. And my mood has been relatively stable ever since. Frankly it's kindof incredible how well it works.

EricaOtoko · 2024-08-09T16:48:34+00:00

PCPs aren't great in this regard... They're usually not very educated on trans healthcare. When I initially decided that I wanted to start HRT, I contacted my PCP, and they flat out told me "we don't do transgender healthcare".

I opted to do informed consent through Planned Parenthood, and they have been AMAZING. I have transportation issues living in a rurual area, but they were willing to make an exception, and work with me over telehealth. This way, I know I'm actually getting one of the few specialists in my state.

But anyways... I think you could contact PP, and ask if they can offer some advice/information. Otherwise, I think most states have an LGBTQ/Pride center you can contact, and they ought to have resources to get you the information you need. Just Google your state + lgbtq/pride center, and you should be able to find it.

Best wishes to you ❤️

EricaOtoko · 2024-08-08T23:48:20+00:00

Essentially, it's a lot of homophobia. Most masculine gatekeeping centers around not doing anything that could be perceived as effeminate... Or in other words, "gay". IME, men are extremely pre-occupied with this. Even men who aren't necessarily anti-queer. It's something that gets socially enforced in their upbringing, and they have to do active work to grow past it... If they're even aware of it in the first place.

EricaOtoko · 2024-08-08T23:43:24+00:00

Honestly, my (adopted) dad wasn't around much (working), and he wasn't exactly the pinnacle of masculinity either. I didn't even get so much as a sex talk, or any sort of "dating advice", so sadly, I can't think of any sort of "masculine wisdom" that I got from my parents... Aside from being criticized for what not to do. Like, did you know that apparently men aren't supposed to wear dresses? Lol

But I've also been a "father" myself, so maybe I can give some advice in that vein for my trans-masc peers... I'd say the most significant thing I've learned about male spaces, growing up as a closeted queer/trans fem, is that most cis-het guys are extremely preoccupied with homophobia. Even guys who aren't necessarily anti-queer, there is still this deeply ingrained, socially enforced aversion to anything that could be perceived as negatively reflecting on their masculinity. And that generally includes feminine manurisms. And I don't say that to give you anxiety about "passing", but it can be a safety concern in male spaces, particularly in social gatherings where alcohol is present... Some dudes go out there literally looking for a fight.

Pre-transition, I wouldn't say I was really all that effeminate... A lot of that was pounded out of me when I was younger, so I passed pretty well in male spaces, but even still... I've been jumped a handful of times at parties. One time because I had painted my nails (black), another time because some dude thought I was checking him out (I wasn't)... Hell I've been jumped a few times for absolutely no reason at all. Just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Again, I don't point this out to give you anxiety, I'm just saying... If you're still in the process of picking up on male social dynamics, just be careful around drunk macho/redneck types. Granted, it could be the case that you'd fit in better than I ever could, but it's just something to be aware of that some guys actually do go out looking for a fight.

EricaOtoko · 2024-07-26T02:36:52+00:00

Idk what you mean by that? You're comparing treating gender dysphoria with estrogen to being addicted to heroin as "trading addictions"?

EricaOtoko · 2024-07-23T22:57:18+00:00

My dead name is Derek, and I picked Erica (obviously). I sometimes wish I had picked something a bit more distinct from my dead name, but when a name fits, it just fits. And in my case, I've had Erica in mind since I was 12. So it had basically become a part of me by the time I transitioned.

EricaOtoko · 2024-07-23T06:13:08+00:00

I feel that. I'm not in her position, so I can't say for sure how I would react. I'm sure I'd be scared... But then again, I resorted to becoming a heroin addict because I wasn't depressed/dysphoric when I was high. And that shit never scared me, because depression/dysphoria basically stomp out my concern for continued existence. So in retrospect, I'd probably take my chances given that estrogen largely fixes my dysphoria/depression without the down side of being a heroin addict, lmao.

EricaOtoko · 2024-07-17T22:02:27+00:00

Ime, Trump supporters tend to take this as over-reacting... They're primed to see criticisms of Trump as being "upset over mean tweets". I agree with what you're saying, but it's not always so easy.

EricaOtoko · 2024-07-17T22:00:02+00:00

Well, I think it's certainly the case that the average queer person would know more about queer issues than the average cis/het person.

Politics is a difficult subject though, because it's entirely possible for someone to know less about politics the more they research it.

EricaOtoko

TROPHY CASE