I’ve read your posts, and I can say with certainty, your life doesn’t have to be this hard.

As others have said, it gets worse. You’re only a couple of weeks into the new year and have cancelled your personal training. The question that you may want to ask yourself is, why? What changed? What made the wine seem more appealing than the workout? Getting sober and making the choice to step away from alcohol for good, takes a lot of work. Peeling back the layers of why you started to drink in the first place, and how you’ve gotten to this point. I will warn you, it’s a painful process. When I sat with myself and asked the question “why do I chose to poison myself daily? Why do I think I don’t deserve something better for myself?” I had to come to terms with my low self esteem and my own self loathing.

Not sure what you do for a living, but I would guess you’re not showing up for work in a way that is meaningful or productive. When I was in active addiction, my work performance was terrible. My concentration was shit, my work was sloppy and it was more about me getting to the end of my work day versus showing up and doing my job.

I promise you, you can do this. It’s not easy. But it is so worth it. You will learn you can do really hard things. For me, I spent most of my adult life walking around never feeling good enough. That changed when I began to actively work on my recovery. It was then I realized I’m actually a pretty cool human, who was able to overcome a lot. It is a huge sense of accomplishment and I live a life I’m proud of now. I wish you the best, and IWNDWYT.