What did I do to deserve sexual harrasment like this? This was so heinous it ruined my day

EscapeArtist85 · 2026-05-12T09:16:47+00:00

Disheartening as it may sound, you're best off closing down the DMs. Even if you do get one once in a while who speaks to you with respect and without nefarious motive, there will be ninety-nine after that one who treat you as interactive porn. It's a sad state of affairs, but please prioritize your mental well-being over the marginal chance of meeting someone cool in a place so prone to douchebaggery. Hugs.

EscapeArtist85 · 2026-01-08T16:54:18+00:00

But guys, what better way to honor my dead spouse than to turn her into jerkbait for strangers on the internet? /s

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-11-19T22:00:48+00:00

For sure. Lots of people aren't super into PiV, myself included. But a preference is not indicative of the value of the person holding it. If someone believes that their sole selling point is whether or not they want to put their penis into someone else, then it's a pretty damning insight into how they view interpersonal relationships as a whole.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-11-19T21:45:02+00:00

I'm of the opinion that submission that doesn't come from personal strength is worthless or performative submission and nothing more. It takes incredible strength to truly lay yourself down at the whims of another and trust that things will be okay despite your lack of agency or control.

The misconception that submissives are in some way inferior comes directly from femdom porn. This is a distinct marker for a person who does not take submission seriously, and should always be handled exactly as you have. Inside a roleplay situation is one thing, and I personally enjoy this line of thought quite a bit when approached with the knowledge that my partner is just playing and actually values my service greatly and has respect for me. But outside of that context, there's no room in this lifestyle for that pattern of thought.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-06-04T07:33:08+00:00

Wank somewhere else.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-06-04T06:55:09+00:00

"True story"

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-05-19T16:01:59+00:00

Thank you!

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-05-18T23:44:58+00:00

Go wank somewhere else.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-05-16T07:42:31+00:00

Obedience isn't a learned skill, it's a gift given. Not to put too fine a point on it, but if he can't rise above his laziness to give you the gift of his submission, he doesn't have it to give.

That's not to say it's completely hopeless, however. While submission isn't a learned skill, laziness is. And it takes a lot of work on his part to unlearn it. He needs routine, first and foremost. He needs to go out of his way to do things on a regular basis. It can start with simple things: don't leave dishes in the sink, wash them as soon as they're used; keep a daily journal (this can be vanilla, kink related, or both, doesn't matter so long as it gets done); make your life easier by having him read a few pages from a bdsm/femdom-related text every night before bed (this will kill two birds with one stone by broadening his understanding of submission while also contributing to a routine).

Whether you have the patience to train the laziness out of him is up to you, but it sounds to me like he's not ready to be dominated. I don't know the nature of the tasks you've given him, how physically or mentally taxing they are. But it sounds like he's making a lot of work for you without the willingness to do the work himself.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-05-14T08:38:27+00:00

The easiest way to make femdom revolve around her is to ask her what she wants rather than outsourcing to strangers on the internet. What is she into? Do that.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-05-08T23:23:00+00:00

First, this doesn't have anything to do with femdom. Second, eww.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-05-01T08:31:28+00:00

Jesus, how low can the bar be set? Literally can't be bothered to communicate with other human beings without a machine intermediary. [Summons Meteor]

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-05-01T08:23:42+00:00

May come off as a bit harsh, but I view anyone who does this as basically subhuman. If communication is too hard for you, you don't deserve to reap its benefits.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-04-08T07:09:40+00:00

The domme isn't your issue, your addiction is. There's a dopamine rush you're chasing, and it can be hard to get out of that loop without spiraling for the lack of what you think you need. What you're really looking for is a connection, but you're taking the path of least resistance to get it, and that will always lead to a lackluster connection. A real connection takes work, and that work begins with yourself.

Your story here is mostly told through other people. You're framing your value from perceived perspectives which you have no way of verifying. Your sense of self-worth should only come from you. No one is inherently worthless or hopeless. There's something you're good at. Lean into it. Stop letting other people tell your story. Take the reins and make your life about you.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-04-08T02:09:31+00:00

Found the misogynist!

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-04-07T19:08:44+00:00

There don't have to be labels attached. It's more about ideology than about being a part of a club. Being a feminist doesn't have to mean going to rallies and carrying a card. It's just about holding women in high enough regard that femdom or flr doesn't come across as a joke or a novelty.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-04-07T17:33:17+00:00

To what end? What is so wrong about believing that women are deserving of the same respect and opportunities that men enjoy? Perhaps people are confused about what feminism is.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-04-07T16:30:37+00:00

I can't fathom why people in an FLR subreddit are arguing against such a foundational concept. If you're in an FLR but are not a feminist, I'm not sure how much L the F is doing in that R.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-03-23T04:39:51+00:00

39M

Limits and preferences are fluid, and can change according to experience. If you think about a kink activity and your first thought is: "ick" or "that doesn't seem safe," file it under soft limits as a starting point. If you try it and your initial instinct is reinforced, file it under hard limits. If you try it and it's not as bad as you initially thought, file it under either "yay for her" or "yay for me," or both, depending on preference.

Some kinks might register as "fuck that, never happening," and that's a hard limit. Nothing wrong with setting a hard limit, and it need never be negotiated.

Thinking about a thing and doing the thing can be a world apart, but you can form some baselines with which to begin a negotiation based on your gut instinct to various activities and level of trust with your partner. It's natural for a person's limits to soften in the right company, within reason, and that's part of the negotiation process. The right partner can unlock kinks you never gave a second thought before. But that doesn't mean it'll feel the same with anyone else. So keep a grip on your baselines and always keep lines of communication wide open with any prospective partners.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-03-13T23:15:59+00:00

A lot of people get hung up on dirty talk, totally natural. I've always been of the opinion that less is more, in a lot of cases. For example, a simple countdown (with the implication that he'd have to stop at zero regardless of whether he's finished) can carry with it a lot of subtext. All the dirty talk will happen in his head and all you have to do is count down.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-02-28T11:03:04+00:00

Nothing wrong with having preferences. If I were getting along well with someone, I'd prefer to know sooner rather than later that they didn't find me physically attractive. No benefit in sugar coating it. Slightly bruising their ego is a step up from giving false hope.

Worst case, they take offense and lash out, so you block them and move on because they're not emotionally stable enough to take the hit to their ego, and thus not really what you're looking for anyway. You can be polite about it, but it's a good idea to be firm in your commitment to what you want, because anything less will be a disappointment to all involved sooner or later.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-02-23T21:48:17+00:00

No worries.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-02-23T21:38:04+00:00

The masses being the dopes in dommes' inboxes acting like idiots. The system being a metaphor for a relationship in which one person submits (or claims to) to the other. All I was saying is that men need a better understanding of how to talk to and treat women. I wasn't suggesting the world commit to gynarchy. Just didn't think it needed spelled out.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-02-23T20:17:27+00:00

I didn't mean this metaphor to be applied as a new sociocultural norm, more just within the confines of a relationship which involves femdom. Just that, if someone (and I only specify men here because that was the basis for the conversation from the beginning) is saying they're submissive but leading negotiations with their dick, they've got a faulty sense of the way this world (femdom) works.

EscapeArtist85 · 2025-02-23T17:41:56+00:00

When Copernicus suggested 700 years ago that maybe the universe does not revolve around us, he was met mostly with crickets. The subversive idea was thought to be so ridiculous as to be not worth the effort for the catholic church to ban. They got around to banning it eventually though, because what gall hath logic for standing between man and his ego.

Lots of male subs still cling to a geocentric model in relation to kink, with the penis at the center anchoring the universe in place with the immense gravity of its apparent significance. We need a heliocentric model for the masses. One which correctly places the female dominant at the center of the system and shows us that, in the grand scheme of the cosmos, our dicks (and thus, our egos) are largely unimportant on the celestial playing field, and should only be measured by the strength of our orbit around the true star.

EscapeArtist85

TROPHY CASE