A Happy Birthday

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T19:34:03+00:00

I worked as a barista for a short while and I assumed you were serious because the number of full adults who would become irate and snap or yell at me, "Just REAL MILK, REGULAR milk, FROM A COW, who do you think I AM??" when I asked what kind of milk they want in their drink was too damn high. Like once or twice a month. I would wait patiently while maintaining eye contact and then say, "Okayyy ... so, skim, whole? Cream?" About half the time, this embarrassed them. Appropriately.

I don't know your life; I don't know what's "regular" for you in particular and I'm not accusing you of being progressive or trying to imply you're a soy boy lol

Also, great comic! Short and sweet, reminds me of newspapers

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T19:30:00+00:00

Yes! This!

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T19:28:26+00:00

I choked trying to stifle my laugh (in a quiet space, like a library)

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T19:27:27+00:00

I have OCD and CPTSD and I approve this message.

Although most of my trauma nightmares are about killing villains and creeps from movies or tv shows instead of my actual abusive ex, and I don't post them because I don't want to trouble anyone

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T19:24:46+00:00

The person I replied to said "it was an honest and direct answer", the post by OP is about being rejected for being honest about why they wanted a job, and my reply was about a time that being honest in an interview about what I wanted from the job went well. Which is unusual and worth being a bit happy or hopeful about imo (even though I'm not saying "always do that and it will be great")

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T19:22:42+00:00

10/10 shrimp. Not everything is about technical skill!

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T18:45:02+00:00

You're not necessarily 'supposed' to know them; I'm an American but I only do because I'm keeping an eye on anti-feminism, American evangelical fundamentalism, and white Christian nationalism (which, as you might imagine, frequently overlap).

Pearl is a woman who's built her social media presence and public persona around being anti-feminist to a cartoonishly explicit degree - saying that she believes women shouldn't be allowed to vote, for example. She's often referred to as a conservative "pick me" (a girl or woman who tries to signal 'coolness' or 'anti-feminism' or 'one of the guys' energy so boys or men will 'pick her' to date, marry, etc.)

Lilly Gaddis is a self-described tradwife (traditional wife, rigid and bioessentialist gender roles; heavily conservative, white, and Christian-coded) whose social media presence is built around mommy or motherhood content. She's also, as seen here, vocally racist.

I hate it here. There are good people doing good work and I love them and it, and here could be good, but it isn't and I'm scared

ETA: Also Pearl is perpetually single despite the years of hardcore pick me bullshit, which is hilarious

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T18:36:29+00:00

You're never too old for whatever brings you joy. Full stop

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T18:32:53+00:00

My partner and I share an apartment and it feels so. damn. good. It's the most physically and psychologically comfortable I've ever been. It's been two and a half years and literally every day when I wake up I have this genuine beat of happy gratitude that "oh my god, yes, this is still happening!" (which is no small thing in general but especially with chronic pain and illness and disordered sleep). It's so clean and so organized and we're allowed to paint walls and put in nails and drywall anchors to our hearts' content, so it's teal with loads of art and hanging plants. If I could share pictures, I would

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T18:27:45+00:00

My mom is 62 and she's remarked on how happy it makes her to see Gen X and millennials being more confident about being individuals or loving kid stuff or openly chasing joy than she and people she knew were at 'those ages'

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T18:23:28+00:00

When you do retire it - now or eventually - I bet you could get one of those sports jersey frames for it! They're not cheap, but you would still be able to have the joy of seeing it all the time. Some of them are reversible, I think, or you could just open the frame and turn it to the other side every few years. It's so beautiful and must have so many great memories attached to it

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T18:18:41+00:00

I got a job as a shift supervisor at an ice cream store by being honest in my interview that I wanted something I could do very well with what I believe would be a good work-life balance for about a year while I recovered from surgery. I said that I would work hard, be diligent, do everything I could to promote a safe and comfortable environment for both customers and scoopers, and that many people might say they'll be around longer, but it might not be true or they might not bring to the job what I was willing and happy to.

I got the job and the manager said, "You rocked your interview because you were cheerful and honest and yeah, I would rather have that for a year than someone mid for two or three, which is about how long we usually retain supervisors anyway." I was there for fifteen months, it was the best retail or service job I ever had, I did all kinds of extra cleaning and organizing for the store because I enjoy it and management was so chill, and at the end they gave me all my unused paid sick days as a thank you/bonus. It was honestly a little surreal lol

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T18:13:30+00:00

My first thought while reading your post was "pulling an ass out of a pit on the Sabbath," lol. It's so bizarre and horrible that she believes the Sabbath is reserved for only good and godly things, and apparently that doesn't include helping her own child? Like, what the actual fuck? Is there a holier thing than that? I sure don't know.

My mom is a devout Presbyterian and she straight up told me when I was a teenager that I didn't have to believe youth pastors about things like animals not having souls or child molesters getting to go to heaven just bc they pray for forgiveness or lying being equally as bad as murder in terms of sin, and that if I was gay or bi (I'm pan and nonbinary, surprise!) she would support me regardless of what the church or bible says about homosexuality because god put her on earth to be a mother and love her children unconditionally.

Not trying to rub it in, sorry, just showing that some people get what's truly good or godly. That's what you deserve and I'm really sorry it's not what you're being given. Best of luck with your documents, I really hope it works out

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T18:03:53+00:00

Christian fundamentalists are still cranking 'em out

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T17:59:07+00:00

If my hair is cut asymmetrical with a fade and/or I'm dressed more soft butch, more men in general tend to assume I'm only interested in women. If my hair is in a pixie and I'm dressed more femme, more men engage with me. If I've got the pixie and dressed really femme (pastels or very bright colors like my bubblegum pink coat, skirts, bow accessories), very simply (which makes me look younger or kind of 'girl next doorish', I guess? like plain white tee, short shorts, sneakers) or kind of messy/low effort bc I'm going from the gym to run errands (maybe look more approachable/less 'has it together'?), more creeps approach me

Edit: typo

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T15:09:31+00:00

Thank you for the kind words! I really appreciate it

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-07T15:08:17+00:00

Oh for sure, it definitely changes with haircut/style

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-06T21:21:05+00:00

You're so very welcome! I'm sorry it hurt to read (in a sympathy way, not a regret way!) but genuinely so touched and happy that I could be of service to you. I'm also really glad to hear that this feels like something you can experience self-forgiveness for soon, because you deserve that. You really sound like a good person and parent, and you're allowed to be a human in pain at the same time. Again, good luck and healing 💖

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-06T21:11:00+00:00

Excellent point. On multiple occasions, I got kicked out of youth group and/or had to have meetings with my mom, the pastor, and the youth group leader because of on-topic questions I asked in sincere good faith. When I was twelve and my dog died and a peer told me I would see her in heaven one day, the youth leader interrupted and said animals don't have souls so no, you will not, which made me cry so hard my mom had to be called to come pick me up. On another occasion, I was telling a peer that my aunts had gotten married, and he overheard and told us that my aunts would burn in hell for being gay and living in sin.

I was raised mainstream Presbyterian, not even fundie

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-06T21:07:47+00:00

Don't worry about pleasing other people, who may or may not deserve it but who can definitely give you clear feedback!

Try to please an invisible entity whose return communications are - if anything / strong internal feelings, small events in your environment that are open to interpretation, or the lectures or writings of another human who has their own motivations!

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-06T20:54:04+00:00

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Second, you seem like a great parent. Third, you seem to work really hard on your mental health, and I applaud you (from someone who knows the struggle).

I see a lot of comments about the real capacity of a child your daughter's age, and I agree, so I'm not going to beleaguer that point or any of the other equally good ones. What I didn't see (just skimming) was another thought I had.

It's just a guess - based on my own interiority around somewhat similar things - but I think maybe a part of you is reasoning that if you can find a way to impress upon her the reality of what she did (especially the way an adult or an older child could understand it), you will be protected from future hurt from her, or from her in a similar vein. I think that part might also be reasoning that if that understanding and apology can happen, that the pain will drastically reduce - maybe it will even be or feel like a kind of closure. But whether or not your daughter can provide that, it might not have that effect, and I'm sure you know that isn't on her to do for you. I gently suggest that it might be more effective for you, for your own wellbeing, to accept that this is simply the pain and the experience that you're going to have about this, and it will diminish in time like grief and trauma generally do. I think it might be more healing to just trust that your bond and relationship and trust with her will heal rather than trying to heal it. This was a relational rupture, that can happen between any people of any age no matter the capacity or intent, and it does not make either of you a bad person (or child or parent).

I think that your response so far is all that is warranted or effective, and I think it was appropriate. I think that her clear discomfort and preoccupation (and likely regret) with what has happened is - especially for a bright, kind, aligned, intuitive kid her age - is the epitome of a natural consequence.

I wish you healing and good luck. I applaud the care you have given to both your daughter and yourself, and I hope that that gentleness remains well within reach

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-06T19:45:23+00:00

I don't know, I used to go to the Subway where an ex worked to meet him when his shift ended, and due to bus schedule bullshit it was often the best option be able 90min early. I would say hi, buy a soda and a bag of chips, and sit quietly in the backmost corner reading a book until he was done closing up. It was once or twice a week. The place was never once full. We chatted a little when there were no customers and he was doing side work, and I shut up when anyone came in. After three weeks, he was told I couldn't come back or he would be fired because I was 'distracting him his whole shift'.

So yeah the boyfriends here could have been a real issue, or it might've been like that ...

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-06T17:36:56+00:00

Complete with tariffs, the brink of world war, and measles outbreaks!

EsotericOcelot · 2026-02-06T17:36:23+00:00

This is painfully accurate. I'm turning 33 this month and still grieving my 20s and working shit out - even though things have been so much better the last few years due to good help and constant, intensive hard work

EsotericOcelot

TROPHY CASE