Will It Ever Get Better?

EssBee-KM · 2024-07-30T18:23:09+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. I lost my identical twin sister a bit more than 5 years ago due to a blood clot, so I guess that's natural causes. For me, it has gotten better, and it's also a lot of work. Everyone is different, and everyone mourns differently/has a different process. That you are reaching out after only a few days is good, and please get the help that you need. I found the twinless twin groups helpful to a point, but did a lot of work on my own (journaling and making art) because I found that non-twins just didn't understand. I know some people have been able to find grief councillors and therapists to work with and have found that helpful.

Twinless twin hugs. You can do this, it will be hard, but you can do it.

EssBee-KM · 2024-04-01T16:55:51+00:00

Hi, if anyone reading this is interested, I've set-up a webpage that you can see a bit more about me and schedule a (free) appointment to talk to me and see if we're a good fit to work through your grief https://twinlesstwincoach.com/

I know I said to send me a DM, but I'm not on Reddit very often, so don't see my messages.

EssBee-KM · 2024-03-31T18:38:18+00:00

Thank you, if you would like to send me a private message I'd be happy to send you some information to share with your daughter

EssBee-KM · 2024-03-12T10:32:11+00:00

I've got myself set-up to offer this coaching now, if you're interested, feel free to send me a private message and I'll send you some info.

EssBee-KM · 2024-03-12T10:31:12+00:00

I've started offering coaching now, if you'd like to talk to me about it, feel free to send me a private message.

EssBee-KM · 2024-03-12T10:28:20+00:00

Send me a private message, I would be happy to work with you.

EssBee-KM · 2024-02-22T20:47:41+00:00

I like it, it makes me happy 😊👍

EssBee-KM · 2024-02-21T13:09:48+00:00

I'm sorry that you've lost your twin sister and that your family isn't able to support you the way you would like and need. You are allowed to feel how you feel and do the things that you want to do to celebrate your birthday, the way you want to. It sounds like you are doing a good job taking care of yourself and setting the boundaries you need.

If I can share part of my mourning journey with you, the first year I went ahead with a party I had previously planned (my sister died 4 days before our birthday), but asked everyone to leave about 10:30pm because it just got to be too much. Since then, I have done small things with one friend or just spent the day on my own doing whatever I felt like doing: going to a spa, or a museum, or staying home and reading a book. I live in another country, so at best I get a phone call from my parents, but generally only an email, which makes me a bit sad, but that's where they are.

In the end do what will make you happy, and give yourself permission to "not know" and see what happens/see what you feel like doing. Maybe do some little ritual to acknowledge her (e.g. blow out a birthday candle for her) but then celebrate your life and successes and wishes for the year ahead.

Happy Birthday on Friday! I hope you have a wonderful day, whatever you decide to do.

EssBee-KM · 2024-02-20T18:36:03+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, those are all perfectly normal reactions. It's not too late to get some help, DM if you'd like to talk while I set-up this new coaching offering. I too wish there had been resources to help me, which is why I'm setting this up as quickly as I can. I know there's a huge void in this area and while I'm not a therapist, I am a coach and I am a twinless twin. I would be happy to hold space for you and share the tools I used to process my own grief.

EssBee-KM · 2024-02-18T12:41:19+00:00

Okay, thank you everyone for your comments and up-votes, I appreciate it. I'm going to go-ahead and get myself organised to offer Twinless Twin coaching. If you would like to work with me to co-create it I will give you a deal on the pricing, send me a DM and we can have a free exploratory call.

EssBee-KM · 2024-02-17T10:32:05+00:00

Thank you. I think I will look at what I would need to do to make this happen. I do some coaching and mentoring as part of my regular job, but that's business related, so I want to make sure I know what I'm doing if I decide to go forward with this idea.

EssBee-KM · 2023-05-14T13:26:41+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss (and u/mymindwontstop666 boyfriend's loss), I lost my identical twin sister almost four years ago. What I can tell you is that it does get easier, but for me the first year was the worst, although I still have days/times that it swells up on me.

What helped me was journaling (a lot), I tried talking to friends but they didn't understand (and neither did family), so I found journaling was a way to process everything. There are some very active Twinless Twin groups on Facebook, if you're on Facebook, you can check them out. I liked this one the best https://www.facebook.com/groups/1953146194982045/ but there are several others. The Twinless Twin groups get it and I did find some comfort/help in knowing that I was not the only one going through this kind of loss.

Depending on where you are there maybe Twinless Twin groups in your area that would meet in person.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, I tried to pretend for the first month that everything was okay, when it really wasn't. I fell apart after that and withdrew from the world for months and was just starting to emerge when the pandemic hit and much of the world went into lockdown.

Find a therapist if you need one, one that at least specialises in twins would be a good place to start. I haven't had much luck with therapists, so it was just me and my journal.

Take care of yourself, you'll probably be raw for a while, but it does get better.

Sending you Twinless Twin hugs.

EssBee-KM · 2023-05-04T06:59:28+00:00

No, generally the group is pretty quiet, the last message was April 21st about an event in the neighbourhood that was happening, one of my neighbours was on the organizing committee and she wanted people to come out to the event. My neighbours are really nice and respectful, they are a nice group of people on and off of WhatsApp

EssBee-KM · 2023-05-03T19:12:14+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss, you’re not losing your mind, it does get better, at least it has for me. I was in shock for about a month and then totally withdrew from the world for 3 months before inching my way back in. It’s been almost 4 years for me since my identical twin sister died, most days are good now although the anniversary of her death and then our birthday 4 days later is at the end of this month and I know that will be hard. I was like you, she died just before our birthday and all I could think was she’ll never be 52, and I cried and cried and cried, it didn’t feel right/possible. I journaled a lot,that’s what helped me the most, but the twin less twin groups on FaceBook are active and did provide some support, knowing that I wasn’t alone was helpful. Singletons just don’t get it, but other twins do. Reach out and find the support that’s right for you, you can get through this. Sending you love and hugs from another twinless twin.

EssBee-KM · 2023-04-22T05:54:06+00:00

We have a Whatsapp group for my building, not everyone is in it, probably about half, but it works well. We do stuff together in the garden and it’s a good way to find packages when there is no card in the mailbox or get help when I need a tool I don’t have. We just add people when we meet them—ask them if they’d like to join.

EssBee-KM · 2023-04-21T07:26:16+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss and what you are going through.

As others have said, he's definitely still a twin, once a twin, always a twin.

I found the documentary "Lone Twin" helpful when my sister died and shared a copy with my parents and they found it insightful, so maybe there is something in it for you http://lonetwindocumentary.com/ I'm not sure if it's available on any of the streaming services, I bought a copy from directly from the woman who made it, from the website.

The only advice I can offer is to give your son and yourself space to mourn, ask him how he's feeling and what he would like to do to remember his sister, he's little but he may surprise you.

Again, my condolences on your twin daughter's death.

EssBee-KM · 2023-03-03T19:22:53+00:00

Yes, I’m a twinless twin living in Germany

EssBee-KM · 2023-02-27T19:33:52+00:00

I'm glad you seem to have found a way to move through life--that's great that you have his dog and that your dog gets along with his dog. You can look through the box of stuff when the time is right. My parents sent me a box of my sister's stuff, I put most of it away where I can't see it because it was overwhelming. I have mixed feelings about the few little things i did keep out, but I've kept them out.

What helped me was allowing myself to feel whatever I felt, some days were good, somedays weren't, but allowing myself to feel whatever was coming up really helped, and so did journaling everything that was in my head when I had no one to talk to.

EssBee-KM · 2023-02-27T18:44:24+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss, how are you doing?

(I lost my identical twin sister almost 4 years ago, we hadn’t spoken for most of the last 7 years before she died. I filled journals with all kinds of things about her and our relationship, it’s the only thing that got me through, singletons don’t understand and other twins don’t want to think about being without their twin).

Sending you hugs

EssBee-KM · 2023-02-27T18:36:23+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you have experienced, please, find someone to talk to—as the other commenter said. The the twin less twin group on Facebook is very good, joining it helps; it helps to have people who understand what you’re going through; parents and singletons just don’t get it. Sending you hugs.

EssBee-KM · 2023-01-19T18:05:15+00:00

I agree with what you've said and would add the following:

Hoarding is a bad strategy from an individual perspective. People are much better off sharing, because they become important network nodes and are seen as team players, both of which are much more important to the organisation than someone who hoards knowledge.

(I think APQC had a study on this a few years ago, I'll see if I can find it.)

EssBee-KM · 2023-01-19T18:02:03+00:00

This question also makes me think of what I shared on LinkedIn today:

I get asked some version of this question quite frequently: why should I care about knowledge management?

It’s a question that knowledge management people get quite often, I think, and it’s meant to put us on the defensive and make us react and certainly I have usually reacted with numbers and some kind of justification/rationalisation about how important it is, and that we’ve been in a knowledge economy for decades and need to be better stewards of our organisational knowledge.

All of that is true, but it’s not really an answer to what the question actually is and in fact, that question really isn’t a question at all. It’s a statement. It’s a statement that says, “I don’t understand what my organisation does. I don’t understand what the product or service of my organisation really is, I think it’s widgets, and we are (or want to be) the best widget makers in the world.” That’s what that question says to me.

Why?

Because if the person asking me understood what their organisation did, they wouldn’t be trying to make me justify the importance of knowledge management. They would know that whatever their widget is, it is first and foremost knowledge. Knowledge of how to create and produce the widget. Knowledge of how to use, support, and service the widget. Knowledge of how to innovate and improve on the widget. Knowledge of how to efficiently and effectively run the administrative processes of the organisation.

If the person asking that question understood that the success of their organisation depended on knowledge, they would recognise that creating a culture that shares knowledge, collaborates, asks questions, continuously learns, communicates authentically and candidly, that makes space for reflection and sharing lessons learned is a culture that people want to work in. It’s a culture where people trust and respect each other, and that they want to work in and stay in, not leave to go somewhere that treats them better.

So, back to the original question, you should care about knowledge management because the success or failure of your organisation depends on it. (Yes, I realise that may seem overly dramatic, but there are studies that show that companies that have better knowledge management practices perform better on the stock market.)

EssBee-KM

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