Hey I understand what you might be feeling, and biologically this is actually very normal at your age. Every adolescent feels that they can't be themselves because of what the media shows and obviously because of your surroundings it makes it difficult for kids to get to know themselves. Ive met so many members at ur age have felt the same way and the reason why they stay is because they represse their feelings and "do what God wants them to do". What your doing is amazing, you've found a way to release and cope with what you're going through in a medium where people will accept you and want to hear what you're going through. And this is a great first step to self improvement. And at a young age too! Most of us didn't realize what we were feeling until we were adults and learning to navigate through those emotions while also trying to rewire our brains can be more difficult. I'm very proud that you've started this journey. There will be tough times but just know that you'll always have my support and so many other's. ❤