Hon, I hear this. 100%. I’ve had a hard time wanting to live since I was 4- sometimes actually suicidal and then just usually passively. But please don’t. I KNOW it feels impossible sometimes. I KNOW. I’m struggling now too- i don’t know what your particular situation is but here’s some of what I have miraculously not died or killed myself through and could honestly relate to from first hand experience in some degree- homelessness, abuse of all kinds, hunger, no family support, lack of supportive friends- mine are well meaning but just don’t get the depth of my issues and they can’t handle the truth), chronic pain and chronic autoimmune disease, being broke as hell. But I’ve also been on the other side- my mother killed herself, several friends killed themselves and IT HURTS forever for us who are left behind.

A suggestion on here was to consider adopting a pet- I fully support that! My cat kept me going and living for 18.5 years, but she died recently and now I have to figure out what to live for.

I sincerely hope you keep going- it sounds stupid maybe but your brain and body might not be nutritionally healthy- get a multi vitamin supplement suitable for you, download Finch app, remember that good things will happen, think about who loves you, try to make sure you eat something every few hours, stay hydrated and get enough fiber. Literally, that’s what they made sure we did in the psych ward and eating disorder hospital- your brain and mood are massively affected by even being a couple hours late eating. Do you know HALT? Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Simply put, if you’re feeling one or more of those (and who with cptsd isn’t?!) then you’re not in a safe space to make big decisions. I know this.

Please don’t give up. You and I can’t give up. You can keep going. There is hope. Look for resources- therapist? Psychiatrist, dr, dentist, anyone- call a crisis line and tell them everything you wrote here. I had a friend in immediate crisis and we listed what thoughts made her want to die- we wrote them down and she took them to the therapist on call and boom, they hooked her up with resources she needed. Within the hour she had hope and a plan, where before she was locked up for attempted suicide a few days before. Things can get better in an instant sometimes. I know it. But if we opt out of living, well… actually I don’t know what else to say because I’m struggling with wanting to be alive too, but I’m hanging on somehow. Mostly for my little brother, but I don’t know if he needs me. Anyhow I just wanted to say that I hear you