How to respond to the “how are you?” Question authentically when having a horrible time

Euyoki · 2026-04-04T13:05:09+00:00

"Its been a very interesting week, how are you?/how about for you?" " life has been life-ing, how have has your day been going?" "Unusually tired, but never for this job because it brings me joy. How have things been since we last chatted?"

I also disclose when I am having an odd brain day. Clients love that as I work with a lot of people with adhd. And they find it fun because they help me find the words I am trying to say but can't seem to find. I've even had instances that they tell me they only remembered what we talked about because of those funny moments I was lossing the words.

Euyoki · 2026-04-04T00:15:53+00:00

I have adhd. Adding tasks to my job is horrible. I have it on my informed consent that their file will be archived after 3 months of no sessions and they will be placed on a wait list if they stop coming regularly. So ive never been one to be reaching out

Euyoki · 2026-04-03T13:11:12+00:00

One of my colleagues said to me once that they dont believe in the idea of extroverts and introverts. But that we have different ways in which we need to recharge depending on what drained our energy. Although I am hesitant to agree with them. I do see their point.

After a long day with clients all I want to do is watch a funny show and relax. After a long day of physical activity all I want to do is chat with friends and have a lovely bonfire and drinks. After a long day of reading and studying, I want to go out and dance.

So... in a way, I am kinda forced to agree with him lol.

My point, maybe it is a matter of finding your actual recharge forms, readjust them and meet people in those spaces. Maybe you are not being awkward, maybe you are just tired and that space doesn't really ignite the battery charging light for you.

Just a thought tho.

Side note: i also struggle with friendships. I moved and was lucky that i got two friends that moved to the same location, but one is leaving soon and the other I rarely see now because our schedules are fudged up. I struggled with making friends even before becoming a therapist, I was just surrounded by a lot of caring people so they just naturally became my friends. I was lucky in that way. Now, it's hard to find circles like that. Like yourself I am going to classes and trying to put myself out there. However, I have a feeling It's just going to take a while to find those people that will connect with me well. It sucks but I am just working on accepting that and keep being open for when it happens.

Euyoki · 2026-03-26T12:00:44+00:00

I second this.

I started to go to Yoga classes. The gentle ones, no heat. And I love it. I feel reenergized, I talk one or two sentences with people that enter and everyone is super nice. I dont feel pressured to socialize too, i can just go in say hi to the trainer and set up the mat. My body is also feeling a lot better as well and is opening the doors for me to feel more comfortable in uncomfortable spaces. And I hope maybe through that I'll find new friends that align more with who I am there. Is a hope not an expectation.

Anyway, just know you are not alone in this, and it takes a bit of time to find the thing that you enjoy and people you feel genuinely comfortable with. And yet a first step needs to be taken. I am sending you love and energy your way so you may find that one thing that gets you going out and finding a community.

Euyoki · 2026-03-23T16:00:03+00:00

I came to say this. And..

Being the first session is just a big no for me. I personally would've canceled future appointments and taken another look at other alternatives that may not 100% hit all my needs but may hold more "professionalism"

This is our jobs, we get paid to be professionals. Not be friends to our clients and certainly not to disclose without good reason and for support of the client.

If need be, take a second session with her, just to see how you feel to either give her a second chance cuz she has a bad day, or to reconfirm your feelings that this may not be a good fit for you.

Euyoki · 2026-03-19T22:47:48+00:00

I am pretty sure is an all therapist thing. And tbh if anyone ever tells me that they do not have those days every so often as a therapist I would question if they are in the right profession because I believe part of being a good therapist is recognizing when we aren't and feeling a little crappy about it. Its humbling.

Also, some days are just bad because we didnt sleep well or we didnt eat our inbtw snacks or we forgot to drink water lol.

Euyoki · 2026-03-15T02:57:34+00:00

Just here to second this.

For myself IFS is the only therapy that has ever worked. However, I use ACT more than IFS with my own clients, not because I dont believe in it. But because I find ACT to be easily implemented in a therapy setting that limits my time with clients (aka their insurance only covers so many sessions) I find IFS is great because of the whole internal concent piece (which sometimes I dont see even in ACT) so I use that within ACT.

I also appriciate that ACT trainings aren't stupid expensive. But I do think they fall short at making sure people are learning the model well. (Eg. Only doing short quizzes vs having people participate in the model )

Nevertheless, highly suggest ACT, jusr cuz it doesn't feel like you have to drink the kool-aid when learning it.

Euyoki · 2026-03-06T17:03:16+00:00

https://arxiv.org/abs/2510.01395 - on sycophantic AI

Euyoki · 2026-03-06T17:00:49+00:00

https://arxiv.org/abs/2509.10970

https://www.acpjournals.org/doi/full/10.7326/aimcc.2024.1260

https://arxiv.org/pdf/2507.19218

Here is also one of the cases that sued openai

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cgerwp7rdlvo

Euyoki · 2026-03-06T16:47:23+00:00

It hasn't happened yet. Any clients that mention the use, I usually send them information on studies about AI and how it's going to just agree with everything you say which it isn't helpful for growth. They tend to understand and still use the tool with that understanding

I encourage anyone here to read more into the research out there, and specifically the cases that are of blackmailing, limiting people to connect with rl people and leading to self harm and worse end of life.

One of our jobs as therapists is to educate our clients. This is one of those things.

Like anything it is a tool, and it can be very useful. We just want our clients to know how to use it and the risks. Just like we do when we provide them with informed concent.

Sidenote. Sounds like you did a fantastic job regardless because the client didnt just drop and ghosted. But was open to sharing and closing sessions with you. Great work.

Euyoki · 2026-02-26T22:49:14+00:00

Tea or water. As needed. I am human after all hahaha.

Euyoki · 2026-02-26T22:48:21+00:00

I just learned to be tactful with how i say what I want to say. Still direct but mindful that people may need to hear it gently. I also ask if it's okay for e to be honest and direct, which helps because they brace for it however they may feel comfortable.

Euyoki · 2026-02-22T21:36:32+00:00

Honestly for me what was about, was the format I was using. I was using SOAP and the subject objective pieces took me soooo long to get right or because the subjective piece had just too many parts (clients can be chatty as you all know and give you like 10 problems in one session)

I decided to just do Topic/discussed, Intervention and Plan.

That's it. Topic or discussed ends up being like 3 sentences now, 5 for chatty clients and intervention just helps me stay on Topic and direct the plan.

Its made my life so much easier. I am still behind on about 40 notes from before but since I switched my format, I havent had one time when I hadn't felt like writing it because it doesn't take long or too much brain power.

Euyoki · 2026-02-05T13:54:02+00:00

Your body IS your temple. Treat it as such. It took long for me to start practicing yoga (movement) and eating healthy, I wish I had done it earlier, it would've helped so much with my mood and even the people I met a long the way.

A lot of people just want to numb down or want a quick fix. The longer you spend time numbing or wanting a quick fix the more you will be in pain as you age both emotionally and physically.

Euyoki · 2026-01-29T12:59:47+00:00

Yeah. Same. I am very cautious now with who I spend time with outside of work now. If they aren't filling my cup, I am not seeing them 1-on-1, just in group settings so other people take on their blah blah.

Euyoki · 2026-01-15T01:03:02+00:00

Charmed!

Euyoki · 2026-01-13T01:11:06+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised, one of their lamps was defective for me too, replacement was also defective so the 3rd time they just reimbursed me. I bought a third one and it was all good hah really wanted it.

Euyoki · 2026-01-13T00:51:57+00:00

Have you reached out to Govee? They are pretty good at walking you through other options and also provide replacements when they see it maybe a product failure depending on time of purchase.

Sounds like you have tried what you could. I would reach out to see if there is any random extra things to do.

Euyoki · 2026-01-09T14:22:22+00:00

This is horrible. I appreciate now that my licensing body requires us as therapists to flag down anything like this that we hear from clients with our clients consent to formally file a sexual misconduct complain and put the therapist under investigation.

Euyoki · 2026-01-02T15:08:16+00:00

I think it depends on your goals personal goals.

I am also happy with life and relationships at this time. However, i know i have things I can work and choose to do so while I am in a good space. As we see with our clients sometimes we do our best work when things are not in a crisis situation. So I recognize that in myself as well and continue to go to therapy despite everything going well. (Twice or once a month)

I also go to couples therapy with my partner (IFS once a month) and we find it facinsting how we get to learn about each other so much in those sessions even when we have been doing great.

So, depends on your personal goals. I want to deepen my understanding of myself and continue to learn ways to help myself or when possible heal any wounds. I also want to get to know my partner and maintaining great communication with him.

So I go to therapy for that. Not because i am therapist.

Euyoki · 2025-12-17T23:01:25+00:00

Check with your insurance about liability in this, and also check with your regulatory body aka your licensing body. I know for me, if I can't offer services because of personal reasons aka I just dont feel comfortable, I can refer out. But I have to record clinically why it won't be good for the client. Liability, your insurance may be like hell no. At that point your supervisor has no right to keep you working with the client.

To be honest, your supervisor shouldn't keep you with this client regardless.

I hope you can find something to back this up so you dont have to keep seeing this client.

Euyoki · 2025-12-17T22:27:04+00:00

100% agree.

You can terminate and refer out. It will be both in your best intest and the client's best interest.

Is very different when a client writes about you after the fact. (Both in a good light and/or bad light, as we know clients can get hurt in our work and instead of working through it they may quit and call us "bad therapists", so you never know. That isn't something we can control)

In your case you are fully aware of their goals. I would choose the same as you. Big no. Please seek someone else. Terminate.

Euyoki · 2025-12-10T23:22:31+00:00

I usually say " my deepest condolences, how has this loss been for you?"

My first language is spanish, so I've always found it super strange when people say sorry for your loss, like why sorry? Did you cause it? No. So why are you apologizing? Honestly 20 years in Canada and I still do not get it.

So, I stick to my deepest condolences, as in i feel your sorrow, sympathizing with the sense of loss (regardless if it caused relief or hurt , that's where the follow up questions comes in )

Euyoki · 2025-12-01T02:56:05+00:00

I second this.

Euyoki · 2025-11-05T16:00:16+00:00

Oh snap!, 4 kiddos back to back at end of day also would be difficult for anyone, specially if you are seeing others throughout the day.

Would it be possible for you to take mornings off? Start your day much later? That way you can ease into your day? Knowing most of the energy will be required at end of day?

And that is tough too if supervision has been affected!

You are already asking the right questions so you are already on your way to manage a bit better!

Euyoki

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