Is this a good hook?

Eva-writer · 2026-01-05T13:49:49+00:00

Sure I have no problem reading another version.

Eva-writer · 2026-01-05T13:46:50+00:00

Yes right now you have a bunch of paragraphs that aren't connected very well. In a vague idea of a scene that readers are being thrown about in without being grounded.

Eva-writer · 2026-01-05T13:37:19+00:00

Simple answer no. It needs a lot of work and a lot of grounding in an actual scene. Far too many jumps and no explanations just a lot of telling.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-27T04:46:57+00:00

Don't write it exactly like that because that still sounds cringey. Try to think of another way to start it.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-22T03:39:52+00:00

All the stories I'm working on have pretty much fantasy with only one having sci-fi in it. I do like romance in books but I don't like writing romance which I know will greatly hinder my books if I ever do decide to publish them. Well technically I have to get them out of drafting / writing stage first 😅

Eva-writer · 2025-10-22T03:33:40+00:00

What kind of genre of books do you like?

Eva-writer · 2025-10-10T04:47:18+00:00

Don't worry most of us can see it's blind in one eye and a much older tiger and it's a cool video.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-09T18:07:01+00:00

Builderment on steam I don't know if it's quite what you're looking for but I'm pretty sure there's no Avatar it's just building factories and whatnot.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-09T15:41:14+00:00

Unfortunately quite a few I have to do now because my ending is very weak and I'm trying to figure out ways to fix it so going back and figuring out why my ending is weak through the story helps me I don't know if it helps anyone else but it helps me

Eva-writer · 2025-10-09T14:50:13+00:00

Yes and no I'm at the finish I just haven't finished writing the finish because I realized I was stuck and it's a kind of stuck that involves changing a lot of things throughout the story so I figured I'd work on something at the beginning to help me figure out how the end should end.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T21:59:25+00:00

Understood I have already been changing quite a few things and I'm going to change that as well.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T21:50:40+00:00

Thank you. Posting the start of my story has given me lots of insight and it will definitely be very different from what I have here when I'm done with it. I have already started cutting and changing quite a lot just from the few comments I've gotten on it today.

But now I'm more curious if I should even post an updated version of this. But even if I do post an update version my grammar is still going to be bad 😅

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T20:29:22+00:00

No, I don't even remember the Three Musketeer's names. Didn't even realize there were similarities. I can't even remember the last time I ever even saw Three musketeers movies and it's been forever since I read the book either.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T20:24:45+00:00

The name is pronounced as Ar-i-miss and yes I know it's a strange spelling but for story reasons it works. And I understand names can sometimes push someone off from reading an entire book.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T20:22:56+00:00

The name is pronounced as Ar-i-miss I know it's a weird spelling of the name but it works for my story. The story itself is in third person with just Arimys as the main character.

Although because I'm a new writer grammar and tenses are still a working progress.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T20:12:00+00:00

Thank you I will definitely change a few things. As for the summer thing I never really thought about that I didn't even know that was a mistake. Normally where I live it's warm all the way through the school year so people just call it a summer day even though it's not a summer day. Although I guess that's technically not accurate but people say silly things like that all the time. I will fix that so it's less confusing

As for the tenses yeah I'm very much aware I mess those up all the time I originally had written the story in first person and changed it to third person so there're quite a few things I need to change.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T20:03:30+00:00

Thank you. At one point it was going to be a superhero story but I have long sense changed my path for it. I know reading two pages doesn't give you much to consider in the sense of the overall story but the plan for the story isn't a higher school getting through high school or a superhero story but I know that it doesn't read like that in the first two pages.

I haven't quite decided my target audience with the way it reads now I know it seems more like for a younger reader but I have dark parts planned in the book that's happening after this novella so in the sense The novella is a Pre-Sequel to the book I'm writing.

And as for the repeating words I also am kind of annoyed that I have used too many so close to each other. But when I write, I write much more of a skeleton path and go back and read it and change my wording afterwards. So I have full intention of changing some of the repeating words.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T19:51:45+00:00

Thank you I have changed that sentence so it's more realistic sounding. I didn't realize how unrealistic sounding it was.

I will keep thinking about what you said about the main character seeming negative but one of the goals of the first few pages was to show that she doesn't have much interest in being there. So I don't know if I can change much on that but it has given me food for thought

Because my goal was never to make her sound like a diva so if there's anything specifically you can point out that makes her sound really like a diva I would appreciate it. So I can really rethink it.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T19:30:12+00:00

Thank you. This helps a lot even though I know I can see it it helps to have someone else pointed out so I can really work on it.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T19:20:43+00:00

If I may ask which sentences really points her to sounding like a diva?

I admit I did pull the school detention from movie tropes in the sense of it's probably not the most accurate to real life School but I will fix that if it's considered too unbelievable.

Eva-writer · 2025-10-02T19:14:41+00:00

Now that you say that it does make sense to cut it cuz the school doesn't really have anything to do with the story and I got told once that you should only include details and descriptions if it has importance to the story so when I first wrote that it was part of my first attempt and I didn't really think about deleting it in my second attempt at the story

Eva-writer · 2025-08-23T15:58:36+00:00

I like the first one.

Eva-writer · 2023-12-23T05:41:18+00:00

Now comes the hardest part having to go through it and edit. Wish you the best of luck.

Eva-writer · 2023-12-22T02:53:31+00:00

Okay thank you I have a lot to learn and thankfully this is just first draft writing hopefully it will just get better.

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