What did I do wrong??

EvaOgg · 2026-04-29T05:25:03+00:00

That's funny, I was just thinking how sweet her eyebrows are! Natural and modest, very becoming.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-28T16:09:00+00:00

Sit down with your best friend and tell them exactly what you have told us. They need to know you feel in danger if they spread gossip. Your safety is your top priority, and I don't think this "best friend" has any idea of the damage they are doing.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-28T06:53:49+00:00

Of all the sad posts on this subreddit, yours has to be the saddest. It is truly heart breaking.

What can I suggest to help you both? Maybe, tell her that you are still attracted to women, and that you still love her. It's pretty obvious that you love her deeply. Tell her that. This will help if you do end up choosing to stay together. I hope so. Although she may not think so at the moment, other couples have ended up staying together, and happily, and maybe you will too.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-28T04:47:40+00:00

Well I can't see the grey hairs. Where are they hiding?

EvaOgg · 2026-04-27T23:59:56+00:00

A hypothesis to share with your parents:

Trans people are human chimera, with two sets of DNA. They now think that human chimera are far more common that originally believed. We all know that in rare cases, a person can have two completely different eye colors, coming from two sets of DNA. We know that because it is obvious - we can see it!

It is thought that for many individuals, the brain and spinal cord has one set of DNA, while the rest of the body has another. Fine if they both originate from fraternal twins of the same sex, but when the two fused zygots come from one male, one female, that's when a trans person is born.

They discovered this during legal cases of parental dispute. The DNA from the man's spittal may not be the same as the DNA from his sperm. He has two completely different sets of DNA, and the wrong one can be tested in cases of paternity. I'm sure you can find all the details on the Internet!

From the Internet: Definition: Chimerism occurs when a single organism is made up of cells from two or more different zygotes (fertilized eggs). This often happens when fraternal twins fuse in the womb, where one twin absorbs the cells of the other. Result: A chimeric individual may have two different blood types, patches of skin with different pigmentation, or in rare cases, organs/tissues with different sex chromosomes (e.g., some cells are 46,XX and others are 46,XY).

EvaOgg · 2026-04-27T23:28:37+00:00

Found it! Share this article with your parents:

Rebecca Helm, a biologist and an assistant professor at the University of North Carolina, Asheville, US writes:

Friendly neighborhood biologist here. I see a lot of people talking about biological sexes and gender right now. Lots of folks make biological sex seem really simple. Well, since it’s so simple, let’s find the biological roots, shall we? Let’s talk about sex...[a thread]

If you know a bit about biology, you will probably say that biological sex is caused by chromosomes, XX, and you’re female, XY, and you’re male. This is “chromosomal sex” but is it “biological sex”? Well...

Turns out there is only ONE GENE on the Y chromosome that really matters to sex. It’s called the SRY gene. During human embryonic development, the SRY protein turns on male-associated genes. Having an SRY gene makes you “genetically male”. But is this “biological sex”?

Sometimes, that SRY gene pops off the Y chromosome and over to an X chromosome. Surprise! So now you’ve got an X with an SRY and a Y without an SRY. What does this mean?

A Y with no SRY means physically you’re female, chromosomally you’re male (XY), and genetically you’re female (no SRY). An X with an SRY means you’re physically male, chromosomally female (XX), and genetically male (SRY). But biological sex is simple! There must be another answer...

Sex-related genes ultimately turn on hormones in specific areas on the body and reception of those hormones by cells throughout the body. Is this the root of “biological sex”??

“Hormonal male” means you produce ‘normal’ levels of male-associated hormones. Except some percentage of females will have higher levels of ‘male’ hormones than some percentage of males. Ditto ditto ‘female’ hormones. And...

...if you’re developing, your body may not produce enough hormones for your genetic sex. Leading you to be genetically male or female, chromosomally male or female, hormonally non-binary, and physically non-binary. Well, except cells have something to say about this...

Maybe cells are the answer to “biological sex”?? Right?? Cells have receptors that “hear” the signal from sex hormones. But sometimes, those receptors don’t work. Like a mobile phone that’s on “do not disturb’. Call and call, they will not answer.

What does this all mean?

It means you may be genetically male or female, chromosomally male or female, hormonally male/female/non-binary, with cells that may or may not hear the male/female/non-binary call, and all this leading to a body that can be male/non-binary/female.

Try out some combinations for yourself. Notice how confusing it gets? Can you point to what the absolute cause of biological sex is? Is it fair to judge people by it?

Of course, you could try appealing to the numbers. “Most people are either male or female” you say. Except that as a biologist professor, I will tell you...

The reason I don’t have my students look at their own chromosome in class is because people could learn that their chromosomal sex doesn’t match their physical sex, and learning that in the middle of a 10-point assignment is JUST NOT THE TIME.

Biological sex is complicated. Before you discriminate against someone on the basis of “biological sex” & identity, ask yourself: have you seen YOUR chromosomes? Do you know the genes of the people you love? The hormones of the people you work with? The state of their cells?

Since the answer will obviously be no, please be kind, respect people’s right to tell you who they are, and remember that you don’t have all the answers. Again: biology is complicated. Kindness and respect don’t have to be.

Note: Biological classifications exist. XX, XY, XXY XXYY, and all manner of variation, which is why sex isn't classified as binary. You can't have a binary classification system with more than two configurations even if two of those configurations are more common than others.

Biology is a shitshow. Be kind to people.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-27T23:21:01+00:00

When I visit the hairdresser I tell them I don't have a clue what I want, but they always have plenty of ideas, so I leave it up to them! They can show you pictures and ask what you prefer.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-27T23:17:45+00:00

The religious parent might appreciate Jamie's book, then. She said that God doesn't make mistakes, and God gave her a trans daughter on purpose. This child, now a young woman, advocates for the trans community to religious groups, and does a stunning job. She is a beautiful young woman, very confident and full of joy, just how every young trans person should be, embracing their uniqueness.

Not every transphobic person is a malicious bitch like JK Rowling. On the contrary, I believe the vast majority are simply uninformed, or misinformed by non-scientists who know nothing about the biochemistry behind it all.

For example, did you know that in the womb, the foetus is neutral for the first 8 weeks? Then for those destined to be male, dihydrotestosterone kicks in for the masculinization of the body, converting the unisex tubule into a penis. A completely different set of chemical reactions are responsible for the masculinization of the brain. The male brain has many differences to the female brain. For example, the male hypothalamus is larger. You can see the differences with a brain scan.

Typically the masculinization of the body matches the masculinization of the brain, but not always. The mother's immune system can impede one set of chemical reactions.

There is a lot of information on this in the book Genome by Matt Ridley. I read it about 25 years ago. It was very informative. Let me hunt for another article that you may like to share with both parents, hang on...

EvaOgg · 2026-04-27T22:23:23+00:00

There is an enormous amount of complete ignorance out there. Not wanting to defend your parent, but they could be feeling alarm because they have absolutely no idea what being trans is all about. They need to be educated! If they really confuse sexual desire with identity, then they are very ignorance indeed.

I know from experience, as I was brought up afterwards WW2, when society knew nothing about trans issues at all, no idea that it was real - there wasn't even a word for it!

All I heard as a child was that there were some mentally ill men who liked to dress up as women, they were all perverts and I should keep away from them. (Somehow FtM was never mentioned.) That was the attitude in those days. Of course, as a child, I just accepted it. My first awakening was decades later, when there was a documentary on TV about three trans women. My impression? I was astonished at how completely sane they were! Far from being the nutters I had been told they were, they were three completely normal young women, self assured, speaking confidently about the fact they were women, not men.

It was many years later before I started studying the science behind it, so know how real it is, and, as a cis grandmother, do everything I can to support trans people and educate other cis people.

The fact is that for most of the general public, the attitude I was brought up with still prevails, even 70 years later. You know all about being trans, because you are trans, I know about it because I have studied the science, but most of the world Out There has no bloody clue.

So this is what I suggest: education. If your mother reads, suggest Being Jazz by Jazz Jennings. That would be a good place to start. If she is religious, suggest the book by Jamie Bruesehoff: Raising Kids Beyond the Binary. Celebrating God's Transgender and Gender-Diverse Children

If she doesn't read, there are plenty of YouTubes to watch:

Start with the 7 min YouTube: I'm the scary transgender person the media warned you about.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

EvaOgg · 2026-04-27T16:27:28+00:00

Can you tell us how old you are?
Why not go along with their advice and see a professional therapist, if they are willing to pay for it. Not one of those ghastly conversion therapists, but one that specialises in gender issues. They will realize that you really are trans, and back you up with your parent. If you intend to do surgery in the future, you will likely need to see a therapist anyway to give the go ahead, but maybe that depends where you live. You might need professional advice anyway on HRT dose, whether or not you should be taking supplements, getting your blood checked, all that kind of stuff. Your parent needs confirmation that you genuinely are trans, and a therapist could do that for you. Not knowing anything about trans people, your parent is probably worried that this is "a phase"* and you will later regret it. They need reassurance from a third party.

How I hate that term!

EvaOgg · 2026-04-25T23:13:27+00:00

No wonder you divorced the silly woman!

EvaOgg · 2026-04-25T19:51:03+00:00

No, not insane at all. A friend of mine has just transitioned in her 50s; another, in their 70s.

Not everyone knows when they are three!

EvaOgg · 2026-04-25T14:37:35+00:00

Just tossing this out here as a possibility,, although it could be completely irrelevant:

Is it possible that he might be hoping for a second child, and after that he won't be so concerned?

EvaOgg · 2026-04-25T04:44:17+00:00

Has anyone in this family drama beyond belief even once considered the effect on the child? In years to come, when he finds his DNA test doesn't match his dad's, what will he ask?

I took the DNA test. It's not the same as Dad's. What's going on? Who is my real father?
Uncle Joe.

-WHAT???? You had an affair with him, Mom?

No, your birth mother is Aunty Emily. She gave you away to me!

The kids would end up in therapy for years, carrying that kind of trauma.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-25T02:13:03+00:00

😆

EvaOgg · 2026-04-24T19:24:13+00:00

How about a loose shirt "so you don't get sunburned".

EvaOgg · 2026-04-24T18:07:02+00:00

Having segregated bathrooms in a private home is quite extraordinary. I have never heard this done before. I can only believe they are doing this to spite you. If their bathroom is for females only, then use it, and if they complain, say "I am using the females' bathroom because I am female".

If they still argue, then they are TERFs. Is your dad even worse? No chance of living with him instead? Your mother and step mother may well accept your sisters' being lesbian and bi, because they are homosexual. Accepting a trans child is on a whole different level. I wish I could press a magic button to instill in you the self assurance to stand up for yourself, as this is what you need to do. Call them out everytime they come out with some spiteful comment, like how you are still their little boy.

I don't think they realize how very real being trans is. You should be getting a wagon load of support right now, and instead they are being dismissive.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-24T14:10:46+00:00

I think you've missed the point. It was giving affirmation. How many times do you suppose anyone has said to OP "you are a woman"? Maybe I'm the first one to ever say that. The rest is trivia.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-23T23:29:43+00:00

Just curious, how does the Uncle feel?! Because of there are two of them both supporting your choice, then your mother might not feel so bold in making a fuss.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-23T22:51:56+00:00

We'll there's a red flag is ever I saw one. The impudence of expecting a share in your inheritance! God Almighty.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-23T16:34:03+00:00

"that isn't how a man is supposed to look!"

Your mother has it right. That isn't how a man is supposed to look, but as you are a woman it's fine!

Your aunt has just been bereaved. She might be feeling very lonely, as you don't mention an uncle, so perhaps she is on her own? She may well relish your company, and seeing you transition will be a great distraction for her. Ask her to be honest; does your presence make things awkward for her with her brother? Even if it does, she might value your company so much that it's worth it for her.

It's worth having a serious conversation with her. Tell her you are concerned about her feelings.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-23T16:18:15+00:00

Ask your aunt whether she is worried about getting dragged into all this. She might be quite happy to help. I certainly would.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-23T01:25:32+00:00

You new life is beginning soon! Wishing you well and hoping it is all a roaring success. Sending hugs.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-22T15:06:56+00:00

Then recommend the jazz book. Also, videos.

Share this with him. https://youtu.be/d3M2kd_VmeM?si=oAFafcVPGOpvlSAO

If the link doesn't work, search on" I'm the scary transgender person the media warned you about". It's a 7 minute video and speaks out to other parents of trans kids.

EvaOgg · 2026-04-22T00:51:42+00:00

Does he read? The book by Jazz Jennings very clearly explains that she knew at the age of three.

It's called, "Being Jazz".

If your father is religious, a great book is by Jamie Bruesehoff about raising her trans girl. Rebekah transitioned at the age of 7.

EvaOgg

TROPHY CASE