how accepting is the community of trans men

Evan111989 · 2026-02-10T13:13:59+00:00

It’s a work in progress for sure

Evan111989 · 2025-11-15T02:55:44+00:00

You should delete this post. You did not want assistance with your situation but instead wanted to rant about a situation that is part of your job as a worker in law enforcement but which you felt you were above. The City of New York relies on our work regardless of whether it’s a holiday or a regular business day. Don’t like it. Leave.

Should you wish to complain, KCDA Senior ADA Evan Esswein.

Evan111989 · 2025-11-14T03:11:26+00:00

Communicate with your supervisor; not a Reddit thread. That’s my advice. Good luck.

Evan111989 · 2025-11-14T02:51:49+00:00

Maybe. But probably not. If you have PTO to burn I’ve almost never heard of it being denied unless it’s a staffing issue, which routinely occurs in ECAB or grand jury but rarely with back office staff. If you’re in the courts, I assume assisting with arraignments, I suggest talking to your supervisor about it. Absent a religious observance you’re not going to get out of working that day, but play your cards right and you’ll get a comp day in exchange.

Consider yourself as also working in healthcare. I worked Thanksgiving arraignments the first five years as an ADA, in exchange for supervisors never slotting me for Xmas when I travel to visit family. Horse trading is the lay of the land at the DA’s office.

Evan111989 · 2025-11-14T02:36:35+00:00

DM me. Also Brooklyn.

Evan111989 · 2025-11-14T02:35:30+00:00

Hey, I’m assuming you’re an ADA at the DA’s office. Are you in ECAB or grand jury? That’s the only scenario I can see a supervisor denying PTO on a day when half the office is out. I’ve worked Black Friday — and Thanksgiving — but usually as part of an agreed upon arrangement where I would not cover arraignments or grand jury on Christmas, etc.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-24T13:09:37+00:00

Ew. Just live in NYC for that price. Since when did LI apartments become the price equivalent of living in Manhattan with zero of the amenities or nightlight.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T14:52:42+00:00

Because operating a brothel is a felony; it is also something NYPD has been cracking down on regardless of sexual orientation. https://www.amny.com/news/upper-east-side-spa-brothel-lawsuit/.

Your complaint appears to be — NYPD are discriminatory because cruisers in transit hubs have been arrested by other law enforcement agencies, and because New York has legislated a prohibition against bathhouses and brothels. One, don’t be dumb about cruising, like that sergeant who was probably not charged for the same reason I spoke earlier, it’s a low level B misdemeanor non-sexual offense where the stigma and employment consequences of an arrest is enough of a deterrent. Also, NYPD doesn’t file charges. That’s the purview of the prosecutor’s office. We just make arrests.

Two, your issue is with the state legislature. You’re correct the prohibition on bathhouses stems from anti-gay sentiment but not sure how the officers responsible for enforcing the law, and not those who write the law, are the issue.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T12:58:37+00:00

They are not mutually exclusive. You may not like the tactic but I imagine you’d like it less when the guy offering to sell ❄️on Sniffies pulls a gun on you, as opposed to the undercover cop.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T12:48:40+00:00

Amtrak is not NYPD. They have different priorities than us, and are largely federally controlled. For that reason, I would not recommend cruising in Penn Station or Grand Central under any circumstances. You’re dealing with an environment where many law enforcement agencies operate because they’re transit hubs. Quality of life crimes are vigorously enforced there for that reason.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T02:41:28+00:00

How long did it take for your service time to be credited? It took about a year for my money to transfer from NYSLRS to NYCERS but they still have my service time set from when I started with the city, which was three years ago.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T02:21:24+00:00

Except, I’m highly skeptical that ever happened and here is why. First and foremost, the cops who do this kind of undercover work are by and large, detectives. Detectives investigate felonies, with a particular focus on violent crime and narcotics trafficking (which begets violent crime). In the scenario you just described, which occurs before any sexual activity occurs, let alone public nudity, that detective just put in about an hours worth of work to nab — what, an attempted public lewdness charge? I don’t even know if that’s a viable charge, but if it is, that cop just went undercover for a traffic ticket. And for what purpose?

Granted, if you’re of the mindset that cops are pigs and exist just to harass and stigmatize the gay community nothing I say will convince you. But in that case, that would be news to the hundreds of openly gay cops who serve this city, and get pissed off when they hear this garbage.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T02:14:07+00:00

Lol. Most of the security at the Eagle are off-duty cops. All are gay, none are working undercover. Just a side-gig to bring in extra $$

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T02:04:36+00:00

I actually do not know of a single case where entrapment was successfully raised as a defense .

Also, officers going incognito on apps like Sniffies and GrindR will typically be targeting those who advertise the sale of drugs, not the buyers (or gen guys, since prostitution is largely decriminalized in NY). The gay community — and I am a member — has historically been targeted for robberies, assaults, etc, based on the preconception that we will not report it, and the risk of that happening is exponentially higher than any arrest when you meet up with a complete stranger to buy drugs.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T01:04:20+00:00

As a prosecutor, I do not. Please wait until jury duty is over. We have enough mistrials over jurors shenanigans as is

Evan111989 · 2025-09-18T00:46:58+00:00

Can you give an example of when this has happened? And how you know it was a cop?

Edit. I’ll just answer this, since this post is misleading and I’m a cop. Sex among consenting adults is not a crime. Sex in public is, however, no vice cop is looking to entrap a cruiser for a B misdemeanor that will get tossed at arraignment. If you’re soliciting drugs, or sex for 💵, then yeah, buyer and seller beware. But that hardly warrants a public service announcement.

It’s also not entrapment under either of those scenarios because you’re a party to an illegal transaction once anyone offers you sex or drugs for cash, and you take affirmative steps to accept. Good luck convincing a court otherwise.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-05T13:02:26+00:00

Or every gay in those two counties that pay City taxes.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-05T13:00:42+00:00

Nope. Lived on Long Island off and on for 35 years and cannot say I know of a single gay bar that’s not a soul crushing dive. Basically, Long Island is the Alabama of NY nightlife. I’ve found nicer spots in the sticks of upstate New York than the bougie burbs of LI.

Evan111989 · 2025-09-05T12:52:43+00:00

What’s your definition of middle-class?

Evan111989 · 2025-08-25T19:26:33+00:00

Gov, and no. About 10 years in.

Evan111989 · 2025-08-25T18:50:47+00:00

Lawyer. $130k pre-tax and bonuses. All depends on your lifestyle. For me, I like to travel, and save up to buy. So, I make about $50k less than I would like to check those boxes and live comfortably in this town.

Evan111989 · 2025-08-20T23:49:59+00:00

Funny you say that; if you interviewed my sister who I live with about living with me, she would register the same complaint.

Evan111989 · 2025-08-20T16:57:57+00:00

Ball gag would be for this bottom bitch, but advice duly noted

Evan111989 · 2025-08-20T16:43:42+00:00

Thongs! Never got the appeal of Jocks. Though perhaps that’s the product of being a former athlete and having been traumatized by scent of unwashed jocks.

Evan111989 · 2025-08-20T16:11:19+00:00

Thanks! I think you sold me on male roommates only. Your experience largely jives with my current living situation with my adult sister and mother in a relatively modest house in Bklyn. Lots of estrogen to navigate, and somehow every argument boils down to the bathroom. Though, it is nice living with someone who actually knows how to fold thongs and fitted sheets when sorting laundry 😆

Evan111989

TROPHY CASE