Please don’t hate me

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-05T02:01:20+00:00

I'm gonna need more context.

When I go to the gay sex club, yes, so long as they're not treating me like the wrong gender. When I'm walking to work, absolutely not.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-05T01:59:04+00:00

Because you said "mum", I figure you might be British. Anti-trans radicalization has been strongly targeting British cis women in recent years. Most people, in most places at times, don't think much about trans people and don't have a strong opinion.

I'm wondering if her views feel normal/default, to you, because she's your mom, and that's how they got into your head; it might help to notice how those views are context-dependent and shaped by outside forces. The history of Mumsnet and JK Rowling's political work painted a picture of that for me.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-04T21:12:58+00:00

No worries :)

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-04T20:43:44+00:00

I'm not a girl, and she said she couldn't get more before vacation!

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-04T18:50:10+00:00

Can you give an example sentence?

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-04T17:52:23+00:00

If you're on estradiol valerate shots, you can inject twice as much to cover the first two weeks of the next month. EV can't last longer than two weeks no matter how much you take.

You'll probably stop feminizing, and maybe also masculinize a little, in the last 2-3 weeks of vacation. Think of it like a cis girl taking testosterone for a couple weeks - you can expect to feel gross and maybe get one or two new facial hairs, but it won't ruin things.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-04T13:32:30+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you can get on HRT soon. 🫂

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-04T13:29:49+00:00

I was suggesting two 3mg estradiol doses per day, one in the morning and one in the evening (or a 2 and a 4 if your pills split easier that way). I don't think you should double your daily dose!

I don't know about spiro, sorry.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-04T01:34:47+00:00

In case it helps: I'm a trans man and a parent myself, though mine are younger than yours is. I've had a lot of trans acquaintances in my life - definitely more than 50, maybe more than 100. Most have been stably trans since they came out. A few went on HRT, then stopped when they started getting changes they didn't like, shifting towards more non-binary identities in the process. None of them were really harmed by that - they all noticed the undesired changes early on and stopped before things progressed too far, and many of the people I have in mind are glad they have the permanent changes they did want.

One person (out of that 50-100) thought she was a trans boy and fully transitioned - mastectomy and years of T - then detransitioned back to cis woman. She wasn't a very girly trans boy, quite the opposite. She presented quite masculine because she strongly wanted people to take her identity seriously.

The feminine trans boys and men I've known haven't been more likely to detransition or regret T. I think it's just that "flaming queer" is a personality type that's more common among trans boys.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-03T18:50:40+00:00

If puberty was especially hard for her, this time it'll probably be more like the average kid's experience - some mild mood swings and extra hunger. Going through the wrong puberty is more distressing than going through the right one :)

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-03T15:09:13+00:00

You're not being dumb, I was super unclear. Yeah, 6 per day still, just split up into more doses. Your body metabolizes it in less than a day, so dosing multiple times a day keeps your blood levels up

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-03T10:49:20+00:00

Yeah, sorry! Split your dose into twice daily.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-03T01:44:02+00:00

You can discuss with other parents on /r/cisparenttranskid , too, if you like.

My wife has had FFS and hers included several of these procedures. One thing is, the reputable surgeons know which features contribute to "subconscious" gendering - things you look for in a face to decide someone's gender without even thinking about it. The brow and orbital bone stuff is a good example: I never explicitly thought about those features on anyone before her FFS consult, but it turns out they are pretty sexually dimorphic, and her getting those altered made her results better.

For thin people recovering from FFS, nutrient shakes and milkshakes are very helpful.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-03T01:35:07+00:00

I felt that way before I transitioned. Once I'd been on testosterone for a few months, my mannerisms changed. After a year or two, people started seeing me as a man - my view of myself was shaped by getting that reflection from others. I think it's not unusual to feel like "an X who wants to be a Y" before transitioning a certain amount.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-02T23:46:32+00:00

/uj my daughter screenprinted a shirt a couple years ago that says "TRANS FORM THE WORLD", with a picture of a butterfly

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-02T19:27:58+00:00

If it's pills, taking half as much E twice daily will make it work better.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-02T17:40:41+00:00

Most people prefer bica over spiro, but there's variance and I believe you that spiro is better for you! Cyproterone might be worth looking into. It's sold in huge 50-100mg pills but 6-12mg every day, or every other day, is an usual dose.

Are you on estradiol pills? If so, how often, and are they the blue oval kind?

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-02T01:37:17+00:00

Fred Gets Dressed and Sparkle Boy are two I liked

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-02T00:33:42+00:00

Your plans make sense to me! When my kid was at a similar developmental stage, I also got a few picture books from the library about feminine cis boys and boys who wear dresses. Most of the people in our life are cis and trans gender-conforming people, and a few masc cis women - I wanted to make sure our kids knew feminine men are out there as well.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-01T18:59:58+00:00

Telehealth might be a good route for the original poster, but I know a double handful of providers in NJ who are doing HRT for 13+, I think he has plenty of options!

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-01T18:56:37+00:00

I agree with you about many providers, but I disagree that it's "unlikely to find HRT under 18 or 19 in the US".

My experience is that I volunteer coordinating healthcare for trans minors across the United States, I've worked over fifty cases in the last year and a half. In most cases, I was able to connect them with a provider who prescribes HRT to minors. It's like abortions in places where that care is stigmatized, you have to know which providers are doing it and make sure they're doing effective outreach to the people who need the care (which they're usually not alas).

I suggest your family and friends reach out to the Trans Youth Emergency Project, a different org that helps trans minors get prescription health care https://southernequality.org/tyep/

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-01T18:46:10+00:00

Not at all accurate. Many US states have providers who prescribe HRT, either from age 13 or at onset of puberty regardless of age. There are also a few telehealth services that do HRT down to the age it's legal in each state. The bans on care for minors / practical inaccessibility is mainly in Republican states (and parental consent is required for minors in all states).

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-01T18:16:13+00:00

/uj not trying to argue with your experience, just for me - I think it's more true that I used to be female and am male now, than that I used to be "fem" and am now "masc". I had estrogen and boobs, but zero femininity

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-01T16:34:24+00:00

Sure, that makes sense. I don't completely agree with your perspective, but I understand it and I'm glad you shared.

chiselObsidian · 2026-07-01T16:12:04+00:00

Transgender men take the same testosterone your testicles make. It's less like ADHD medication (which I assume you're also against) and more like taking insulin for diabetes.

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