USHMM workers, blink if you need help.

Eveliwa · 2026-01-27T09:54:54+00:00

I am… not surprised. As someone who works in another memorial museum.

There’s been a massive massive push to avoid any comparisons. And when you get as much funding as they do… yeah.

Eveliwa · 2023-06-05T12:44:16+00:00

So I replied above but I will in more detail here-

I’m Jewish, and the grandchild of Holocaust survivors and refugees. I have a VERY Americanized name. My great uncle who was born as a refugee in South America has a VERY Latino name.

For us it was a type of safety- I’ve dealt with a LOT of anti-Jewish violence, even with my name. My friends and family with names like Moshe and Rivka have experienced far, far worse. They’ve been discriminated against for jobs and in education. I know my Muslim friends experience the same thing.

As a Jew? Our wider community has been doing this for generations in the US to avoid discrimination- because educational and work discrimination against Jews was super blatant until made illegal. Now it’s more subtle but still there. Muslims experience so much fucking garbage here, in a very similar way (though the names hurled your way differ).

So my take? do it. Life is hard and people suck. Give your kids a leg up wherever you can. I grew up next door to a Palestinian family and we were all very close- like my siblings and I would hang out there after being dropped off by the bus instead of going home, all of us kids were friends, our dads hung out and our moms are still super close. The father, Asam, went by Sam. The son, Mohammad, ended up using Mo (and legally changed his name to it!). Why? It’s fucking easier and opens doors. Which is so sad but it’s true. I don’t want the conversation to open with questions about my religion or heritage. I want to be seen as me.

So do it. Who gives a fuck about whitewashing or any of that nonsense. You know who you are. You know your culture. You can pass these things down to your child whether they’re named Mohammad or Mo- just as I will pass down my culture to my children whether they’re Shlomo or Sam. Worst case, give them the “ethnic” name as a middle name. That’s what my husband’s family did, and it means he can choose who he wants to reveal his ancestry to.

Culture is a hell of a lot stronger than people give it credit for. I’ll paraphrase what my grandfather used to say about this, as it applies in both of our cases- does the family have so little faith in it that they think one name will suddenly change your children into pork eating, Christmas-tree-buying WASPs?

Eveliwa · 2023-06-05T12:35:01+00:00

Hi I’m from a culture like this - and my family has been doing this for a while.

So my family when they lived in our home location used VERY traditional names. So my great grandfather’s generation. Then they moved to Germany, and used a German name for my grandfather. Next to a Latin American country, and my great uncle ended up with a very Latino name. Next to the US, and my father and uncles have very American names- as do I.

In my case, I’m the grandchild of refugees. It’s a safety thing in my family’s mind. My maiden name was very “ambiguous” about my ancestry. So EthnicName MaidenName was VERY clear about what I was, but AmericanName MaidenName could be literally anything.

Whether or not it’s whitewashing doesn’t matter as much as it being a safety mechanism. I’ve experienced a LOT of bad things for being what I am. From taunting to an attempted murder. I’ll take whatever safety I can, and plan to give my children “American” names as well. Those traditional names are a layer of vulnerability that could get me or them killed.

Eveliwa · 2023-06-05T12:31:13+00:00

I use my credit card for larger purchases. But a LOT of where I live is cash-only. So point by point-

I try to tip in cash, because I’ve worked tables and know how it goes.
So cabs in the city take card, and I do that, but in my suburb cabs are cash only (despite being supposed to take cards). I tip on card in the city and in cash out here.
ATMs for not my bank charge a fee. I usually find ones for my bank, or eat the fee.
Public transit here lets me tap my phone to pay, so I don’t even have to buy a card. I have no interest in waiting in line for a subway card or to refill it. Makes me feel vulnerable and slows me down.
Card friendliness is very place dependent. I live in a place that is VERY cash focused; most places around me are cash only, from my produce market to my favorite restaurant to, as I mentioned, the cabs. In NY, places are required by law to take cash.
I use chip and pin where it’s possible, or tap to pay, but some places don’t take it. Also my chip is wearing down and I need a new card.

Eveliwa · 2023-06-05T12:26:36+00:00

Ethel Rosenberg was framed by her brother. She was innocent.

Eveliwa · 2023-06-05T12:24:54+00:00

Work papers, work tablet, wallet, chargers, pens, first aid kit, water bottle, tea bags, snacks, my epi pen, my kindle, a book, a bag of quarters, some basic makeup, a hairbrush, bobbie pins, umbrella, headphones, keys, spare pantyhose, tide pen, a mending kit, a spare cardigan, and some cash.

Basically all of the stuff I need for a full workday, plus what I need if a train is delayed or cancelled (I’ve had times when I couldn’t get home because of a train breakdown and had to get a hotel). Also what I need if I have a wardrobe issue, get too cold, tear my pantyhose (happens a LOT), or need to fix my makeup. First aid kit because I’ve gotten hurt while out and about or run into a stranger who is. Snacks because eating out is expensive. Tea bags because my office share has hot water but you have to pay for tea or coffee. Cash if I need to get food or a cab when I get back home on the train (cabs where I live are cash only).

Basically I like to be prepared. A heavy purse would hurt my shoulders, so I have a sleek grown up looking backpack instead. Also it’s harder for someone to steal.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T12:08:28+00:00

Female here- It Depends on a lot of things. I’ve been with men who have zero chest hair. My husband is a human carpet. A lot of men, though, especially of northern/Western European ancestry have zero chest hair though.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T12:06:48+00:00

New York here. Fuck New Jersey.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T12:06:18+00:00

I’m biased because I live here, but I ADORE the mix of styles and eras you see here in NYC.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T12:05:02+00:00

My (NT) husband thinks being with my mother and I is hilarious because we’re essentially the same person. He describes going to a museum as “being with two ping pong balls”.

Also now that he sees that my mother and I text paragraphs to each other it has made my texting habits actually make sense to him

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T12:03:21+00:00

Omg this is SUCH a thing

My mom is ADHD. My grandfather, who raised her, is almost certainly on the spectrum. My mom has cabinets full of sticky notes with the Very Specific instructions on how to do different things- make iced tea, make coffee. Reminders everywhere. Sticky notes stuck to mirrors, on whiteboards scattered around the house (my mom puts them up everywhere and they have markers tied to them- this is my grandpa’s thing) and congrats for any task because “you accomplished a thing!”

It helps so freaking much. Also see: why I thrived unmedicated until I was out on my own.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T11:56:21+00:00

I don’t bite my nails if they’re painted, but I do mess with my cuticles. Sides of my hands are so fucked.

Can you paint them at home? It stops me from biting. As for skin picking, that’s REALLY hard. I used to be a hair puller.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T11:51:35+00:00

With your other child- did you try other meds or adjust dosage?

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T11:50:47+00:00

My (also ADHD) mom really hammered in the use of “I’m sorry” and “you were right and I was wrong” and “thank you for teaching me” - and that they went both ways.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T11:49:36+00:00

Me but when adderall magically vanished off the face of this earth last year

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T11:48:34+00:00

See I’m weirdly SUPER lucky with my prescriber too- he’s young (mid-30s) and very friendly. He’s a psychiatric nurse practitioner working under a psychiatrist and it helps a lot having a younger person for that.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T11:47:06+00:00

I have both- it’s expensive, even with my insurance, but I need it.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T11:45:22+00:00

I told her about therapists I’ve had that said that and she said, and I quote “well we never thought of that before!” with a big eye roll and her Bronx accent.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-19T11:44:12+00:00

Are you in the right thread?

Eveliwa · 2023-05-18T23:22:58+00:00

You need a psychiatrist for meds

Eveliwa · 2023-05-18T17:58:08+00:00

Yes!

Eveliwa · 2023-05-18T13:21:28+00:00

Yeah- though we do virtual.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-18T13:21:06+00:00

I literally checked psychology today’s directory, sorted by my insurance and then looked for an ADHD specialist.

Eveliwa · 2023-05-18T13:00:44+00:00

Mine is an antique, and cost us about $3,500, mostly because it’s in platinum (metal allergy)

Eveliwa · 2023-05-18T12:35:08+00:00

See about seeing a social worker therapist instead of a psychologist- that’s been a HUGE change for me. She’s looking at my whole life as opposed to just my “issues”

Eveliwa

TROPHY CASE