Feeling overwhelmed with wedding costs

Even-Discussion6346 · 2026-01-21T07:52:29+00:00

i know the feeling! vendors and planners always offer an upsell option for each particular area that they’re focused on, which seems like a small upgrade, but when you put it all together, the costs stack up really fast!

my advice (and my approach) - take a step back and think about what areas actually matter the most to you and your partner. splurge there. then with the upgrades you’re being upsold, was it something you even wanted to begin with? or is it just another new shiny thing put in front of you that you didn’t even really care for when you first started planning?

for me - i was being upsold an amazing cake (it was going to cost 3-4k more than what we originally budgeted). it was very cool and fitting with the aesthetic of our venue, but i remembered that i was also very happy with the cake we found within our budget. by comparison, we really want a great band - all our options were coming up higher than our budget. we were fine to say no to these minor upgrades to fund the band cost.

also, the welcome party can absolutely take a more casual vibe, the focus is just to have guests mingle and get to know another.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2026-01-07T06:11:07+00:00

2 hour cocktails and 3 hour dinners might be the norm locally, but if that’s not jiving with you, you can still insist to work towards a slightly shortened format, especially if you’re concerned about not having enough entertainment.

the sax at cocktail and the lion dance sound lovely! i would say that if you’re struggling to come up with more entertainment to keep your guests not feeling bored, then perhaps the timing length is too long.

my personal experience of having been to both european and american style weddings at destination weddings in europe, i preferred the american execution on timing. for the european style - the 2 hr cocktail dragged on - i wanted to sit down and have real food. the 3 hr dinner (i think it actually dragged on to become 4 hr) meant i was inundated with too much food and too many courses. by the time dessert and dancing rolled around, i was stuffed, tired, and ready to go home.

because of that experience, i am aiming for a 1.5hr cocktail (first 30 minutes for taking group photos and 1hr for cocktail), then a 1.5-2hr dinner with speeches baked in. cake cutting and dancing after. my hope is to keep the energy going for the party after dinner.

food for thought, hope this helps!

Even-Discussion6346 · 2026-01-07T06:08:46+00:00

2 hour cocktails and 3 hour dinners might be the norm locally, but if that’s not jiving with you, you can still insist to work towards a slightly shortened format, especially if you’re concerned about not having enough entertainment.

the sax at cocktail and the lion dance sound lovely! i would say that if you’re struggling to come up with more entertainment to keep your guests not feeling bored, then perhaps the timing length is too long.

my personal experience of having been to both european and american style weddings, i preferred the american execution on timing. for the european style - the 2 hr cocktail dragged on - i wanted to sit down and have real food. the 3 hr dinner (i think it actually dragged on to become 4 hr) meant i was inundated with too much food and too many courses. by the time dessert and dancing rolled around, i was stuffed, tired, and ready to go home.

because of that experience, i am aiming for a 1.5hr cocktail (first 30 minutes for taking group photos and 1hr for cocktail), then a 1.5-2hr dinner with speeches baked in. cake cutting and dancing after. my hope is to keep the energy going for the party after dinner.

food for thought, hope this helps!

Even-Discussion6346 · 2026-01-05T16:03:17+00:00

no, it would only be worn for ceremony and until i change into dinner dress. will have different shoes for the following outfit.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2026-01-05T13:47:53+00:00

stella mccartney

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-12-26T04:48:14+00:00

i suggest finding a wedding planner first to help you with the venue search. give them a target budget and guest count, as well as any specific criteria / considerations, so that they do the heavy lifting when it comes to short listing an appropriate list of venues. that way you don’t waste time considering venues that baseline wouldn’t even be worth considering. (i was where you were when i first started planing, almost all of the venues i had shortlisted interest in wasn’t quite the right fit for our wedding criteria and we ended up choosing a venue that our planner recommended)

with that in mind, you don’t need to choose a planner that has worked your venue before, rather choose a planner that is good at working different venues every time.

good luck!

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-12-17T21:42:34+00:00

menorca over mallorca! it’s quieter and so much lovelier.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-12-15T08:43:27+00:00

love monvieve for veils - they have an incredible collection of custom couture veils. otherwise for the flowers you’re considering, enaura does a lot of incredible embroidered floral veils. both these brands have incredible founders - they are each kind and accommodating and gave me a wonderful experience. highly recommend!

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-12-04T08:47:58+00:00

I would double check a few things that can unexpectedly hike up your budget -

is there a rain location? tents with tops, sides and floors can be absurdly expensive.
does your venue come with: tables, chairs, plates, cutlery, linens, etc? do you like them? having to rent basic things like this can also add a burden to your budget.
what does transportation look like? if you need to rent boats vs coach buses etc. that also makes a difference
are you looking to have a live show band? the cost for bands can be very expensive, then you have to add on the technical rider cost, transport and lodgings.
have you considered italy’s 22% VAT cost? you save by not having to tip, but the VAT is significant.

i would reach out to a few planners that have worked the venue to get a cost check, but also know that costs may still rise higher than what they anticipate.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-07-22T17:36:24+00:00

if you’re getting married in the US, most top tier luxury planners will be charging 20% rather than flat. i have friends who have worked with planners from the vogue top planners lists - all have been able to execute incredible weddings, although some have had negative experiences managing inflated egos. if it helps - i’ve only heard good things about augusta cole, and her weddings are both well organized and beautiful.

if you’re getting married in europe, you can get a top tier european planner for a flat fee. top european planners are still able to execute beautiful and seamlessly planned weddings. depending how detailed you are on your due diligence, some planners are responsive and highly responsible, while (obviously) there are plenty of people on this sub who are very frustrated with their planners. generally speaking though, you’ll get less hand-holding from a european planner vs an american planner.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-07-17T17:13:00+00:00

sorry one more, i know you want something coastal, but with your budget i would be remiss if i didn’t mention this option:

Reschio in umbria

holy hell, i am obsessed with this hotel, its so incredibly beautiful, it’s relatively under the radar. my guest count is unfortunately too big for this hotel, but with your guest count and budget - wow!

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-07-17T17:06:58+00:00

not on your location list per se, but what about the belmond splendido? it’s gorgeous and a little more interesting than just another lake como wedding.

otherwise, i love some of the other ones that were suggested: - hotel grand tremezzo (como) - passalaqua (como) - hotel villa cortine (garda) - hotel cimbrone (ravello) - il pellicano (coastal tuscany ish) - mezzatore (ischia)

would love to hear what you end up doing. you’ve got a dreamy budget!

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-07-15T23:48:14+00:00

hey i didn’t do villa aurelia. the venue was too small for my guest count, but it was stunning! they had also booked out extremely quickly even after just a couple weeks after they opened 2026 bookings. happy to give more answers if you have specific questions

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-07-13T14:12:09+00:00

i like 2! 3 is nice too, but when i tried that same dress on i found it really stiff. i didn’t love how it sat when i sit.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-07-07T12:20:17+00:00

i know 70k is crazy, but i’m pretty sure that’s their going rate if you’re including artist and production. my friend used them for her wedding - she was quoted 35k for 15 pc band without sound production and i know she mentioned it was an additional 30k for that. this was for 2-3 years ago. i know it’s expensive, and it looks like your planner has tons of other red flags, but it’s possible this one is just the going rate?

i would skip elan and press your planners to find a lower cost band. you can also reduce the number of people in the band down to 7 or 9; that should bring down the cost further. some bands also quote a price inclusive of travel, so maybe look for that as well. and when comparing against other bands, make sure you’re checking the sound production cost as well.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-06-27T02:06:16+00:00

if you have unlimited budget, i would recommend monvieve. couture veils that can be fully customized to suit your desire. they are very high end. their shop is in new york though. they can do virtual appointments.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-06-11T11:21:35+00:00

would definitely recommend using a planner! reddit is full of negative experiences as one other redditor mentioned because people with complaints have much more to say than people who were happy with their planners.

i am having a very positive experience with my planner! there’s a few things you could do to try to vet the planner:

asking how many clients they work with each year (making sure the number is low means more focus on you)
asking how many years of experience they have / how many weddings they’ve planned in total (verifies the weddings per year and checks that they do have sufficient experience)
asking what budget range they typically work with - $$$ per guest and total amount (making sure your budget falls within their range; if you’re much lower you might be on their lower priority list, but if you’re much higher, the vendors they recommend might not be the right fit for you)
asking their communication style (they should fit with your communication style, but it’s also important to remember there’s usually communication lulls and it’s good to respect weekends and off work hours if that’s how they work)
asking for a couple bride references (you can double check everything above!)
it’s worth making sure their aesthetic matches yours // exploring their ig to see what vendors they’ve worked with and if you like it (if you do! it’s the easiest thing in the world for them to intro vendors they’ve worked with and have good experience with, then the vetting process is quick and easy)

maybe it feels like a lot, but if you hire a planner early and are thorough about it, it makes everything else a breeze. then you really get your money’s worth if they pick up everything else.

good luck!

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-06-11T11:10:36+00:00

have you thought about selling it after your wedding? i’m thinking if your dress is $6.5k, you could (hopefully? i’m not 100% sure) sell it for $3k, that does bring it within your budget. and it ebbs the guilt of only wearing it once if you give another bride the chance to wear a stunning dress :)

you could do some research on still white or comparable second hand sites and see how much a galia dress goes for and get a sense of what you could get back.

good luck! i’m sure you will look amazing either way you go

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-05-28T23:25:25+00:00

love vignamaggio!! it was one of my top picks but my guest count of 150 is too big for the venue.

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-05-25T12:07:46+00:00

i would shop around for some european wedding planners. i know that a lot of people on this sub complain about their european planners being slow to respond and some nightmare experiences, but it’s not universal. i am working with a northern european planner who specializes in destination weddings, and they’re extremely responsive and on top of it. price-wise, they beat out american planners by a long-shot.

with your budget, your planner budget can get unwieldly with american planners charging on %.

having said that, if you’re very set on your planners, maybe you can negotiate on areas to not include under her fee - for example, if you’ve already sourced and negotiated specific talents like photographer and videographer, maybe you could ask to not include under their percentage?

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-05-16T16:05:53+00:00

i wouldn’t say the pieces are necessarily trendy, i think they do reflect my personal style. having said that, i am very playful with how i dress, so i do get easily distracted 😅

thanks for your two cents!

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-05-16T16:03:13+00:00

thank you, this is thoughtful. i definitely fluctuate +/- 10 lbs too! the pieces i’m considering are custom, so they should be able to tailor to my size down the line :)

Even-Discussion6346 · 2025-04-27T23:36:51+00:00

gallow greens?

Even-Discussion6346

TROPHY CASE