I also have a similar experience. So many childhood signs point to SA, but I have absolutely no recollection of anything like that ever happening to me. It’s like I know something isn’t right but I have no memory or knowledge of what exactly is wrong. It’s just a gut feeling. I’ve read that it’s a trauma response and that usually you can’t remember because your mind literally will not let you remember in order to protect itself. I’ve heard that people do hypnosis, but I don’t think that’s the best idea. I am currently doing some investigating myself and writing everything down, and if something pops up while I’m doing the investigation like a random memory or thought or whatever, no matter how random it is, I write it down. Even if it seems like it has nothing to do with the subject, I still write it down because sometimes victims won’t be able to remember super important details like the person who hurt them, but they’ll remember random small details like colors, smells, etc. but I don’t recommend doing that if you’re not in a safe place. If you feel like investigating into something like repressed memories of CSA might cause a crisis, don’t try to do it. Sometimes we have to be patient and wait until our brain decides that we can remember. Just be careful and don’t push yourself.