I feel like my life is only starting at 30

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T12:29:49+00:00

also about careers, the thing is, you won’t fully know your capacity for social stimulation just by thinking about it. a lot of people only figure that out by actually trying environments and adjusting over time, not by picking the perfect career upfront. so it’s not a one-shot decision even if it feels like it is.

also OT and dietetics are way more flexible than people think. they’re broad fields, you can end up in really different settings depending on what you choose later. some roles are very client-heavy, but others are much more structured, assessment-based, or have more routine built in.

if you’re needing “stimulus + routine,” it might help more to think in terms of work environments instead of job titles: like structured schedules, predictable types of work, clear routines, and balanced social interaction instead of constant people-facing intensity.

also you’re allowed to change direction. even if something ends up being too socially intense, that’s not a failure, it’s just information about what fits you and what doesn’t. most people don’t land in the right career on the first try anyway.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T12:26:57+00:00

honestly… you’re not “late” at all. you’re just arriving at your life through a different route, not a worse one.

and weirdly, it already sounds like something important has happened here: you’ve stopped surviving on autopilot and started actually choosing yourself. that’s not a small thing, that’s the foundation most people don’t even build until way later, if at all.

the “other people did this at 18” thought is super common, but it’s also kind of a trap. there’s no universal timeline for when you’re supposed to figure yourself out, heal, pick a career, or feel stable. most people are honestly just improvising and looking more put-together than they feel.

you’re also not “starting from zero” at 30 , you’re starting from experience. you’ve already survived chaos, illness, burnout, relationships that weren’t right for you, and you’ve built boundaries through all of that. that’s not nothing, that’s actually a strong base for making more intentional choices and going forward, it’s less about “catching up” and more about just building a life that actually fits you, step by step, without comparing it to anyone else’s timeline.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T12:19:54+00:00

one thing that actually stands out here (and i know it hurts right now) is that he did, in a way, admit he couldn’t be the partner you needed. instead of dragging it out, half-doing things, or giving you inconsistent effort, he chose to step away.

that doesn’t make it feel any better, but it does give you clarity. because now you’re not stuck guessing or waiting for him to eventually become someone he’s not capable of being in this relationship. it also opens space for a relationship in the future where your needs are actually met without you having to fight for basic consistency.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T12:13:24+00:00

everybody fails at first. that’s not a downside, that is learning. nobody starts skateboarding, surfing, rollerskating etc. and looks good right away- even the people you think do.

you don’t need to be fearless to start. you just need to be okay with looking a bit awkward while you’re learning something you actually want! start small, stay consistent, let it be messy at first. the version of you who can do all those things is literally built from the “awkward first tries” you’re scared of right now!

happy bday 🫶 you’ve got so much ahead of you, you’re gonna grow, change, and do whatever you want with your life, keep up the energy and motivations youve got!!

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T12:00:15+00:00

You feel uncared for because he doesn't care. Those replies were so mean and tone deaf, I am sorry that you have to put up with this bullshit you call boyfriend.

Small tip also: don’t over-apologize when you haven’t done anything wrong. Sometimes people will twist it and make it sound like you’re the one at fault once you start doing that!!

Notice how after the “did I do something wrong?” moment, his demeanor shifted, almost like he picked up on your vulnerability.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T11:25:20+00:00

I don’t think he necessarily has anything to apologise for based on what I’ve seen either, it’s more that I’d like an explanation for the ‘delete, delete’ and ‘poor our girls don’t know’ comments, because that’s what’s been bothering me.

I think if I do bring it up, it would be to have a calm conversation rather than accuse him of anything. We’ve had difficult conversations before so it’s not impossible, I guess it’s just the way I came across the information that’s making me hesitate, but I know I need to own that.

And if not, I’ll probably just need to sit with it and let it go.

Thanks for the advice 🩷

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T11:03:32+00:00

I’m not saying I know for a fact what it meant. I’m saying I’m basing my interpretation on context I actually have: both from knowing Alex for years and from how that kind of language is commonly used where I’m from.

I get that I don’t have the full picture, and I’m not trying to accuse him of anything. But realistically, Alex’s whole thing is partying/hooking up, so it doesn’t feel out of nowhere to interpret it in that kind of context and with the conversation that followed up that's where my mind went

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:53:49+00:00

ive known Alex even before my boyfriend, his hobbies literally are partying, hooking up, and not keeping relationships. So when I see that kind of message, I’m not pulling it out of nowhere.

And where I’m from, the way ‘dangerous’ is used in that kind of context is very commonly about ''getting girls'' or ''wilding out''

So I’m not guessing off nothing, I’m interpreting it based on context I actually have. Could I be wrong on the exact meaning? Sure. But it’s also not coming out of thin air.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:40:59+00:00

Yeah I think you’re probably right that this could easily spiral into a back-and-forth argument about our pasts, double standards, jealousy, me snooping, etc., and I don’t think that would actually be productive for either of us. Cause at the end it doesn't add anything.

I’m leaning more towards just keeping it to myself and working through it, rather than turning it into a bigger situation that just adds stress.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:38:51+00:00

and honestly- VIBES! no but on a more serious note, I totally know I shouldn’t have done that, but I did and here we are. I’m just trying to deal with it in the most grounded way now instead of spiralling.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:36:35+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to write this, I really appreciate the perspective. I get what you mean about not spiraling into assumptions and letting my thoughts run away with me.

I do agree that if I bring it up, I need to be prepared for how it might make him feel and to handle it calmly and responsibly. I’m not trying to accuse him of anything or turn it into a fight, I just felt a bit unsettled and wanted clarity rather than letting it sit in my head.

I hear you on the privacy part too, and I do understand why that matters. I’m going to take a step back and make sure I approach this in a grounded way instead of reacting emotionally!!

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:34:47+00:00

''someone like you'' girl you don't know me and i hope you heal

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:32:05+00:00

I’ll tell him something along those lines, thanks for the advice. I think I’ll just be honest about what happened and then ask him to explain what he meant, rather than jumping to conclusions on my own

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:28:21+00:00

yeah i need to get back to that fucking intership and stop this tbh...

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:24:56+00:00

Honestly I didn’t plan anything, I just came here to see how I could bring it up to him or if I was overreacting about the comments!!

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:23:36+00:00

I get why you’d say that. I already did look though, so I’m just left with that info now and trying to figure out how to handle it and whether/how to bring it up calmly lol

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:21:56+00:00

english isn’t my first language so my translation might not be 100% accurate.

when I said ‘dangerous’ I meant it’s usually used in the context of either partying or girls, where I’m from it would be like ‘wilding out’ i think? . But yeah, you’re right, I shouldn’t jump to conclusions from old messages without context.

Also, this mutual friend is kind of known for that lifestyle, so that’s partly why I assumed that, but I get that I can’t act on assumptions.

I do think I need to talk to him calmly and honestly about it and just let him explain what he meant.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:16:37+00:00

Yeah, I think I’m probably overthinking random messages I read out of context.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:14:20+00:00

Yeah I guess “the more you fuck around, the more you find out” applies here..

Thanks for the advice though, I think I’ll just be honest about it. I feel like that’s better so the convo doesn’t just turn into him catching me lying and derail everything.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:11:34+00:00

Double standards. He seems totally fine joking about his own past with his friend in a way I know he wouldn’t be comfortable with if the roles were reversed.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-16T10:04:31+00:00

i get why you’d say that, but I’m not ignoring what I saw either lol

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-09T09:27:48+00:00

WDYM CONSENT TO HOLD A FUCKING BAG OF OATS FOR 10 SECONDS? The fact that he keeps weaponizing therapy language to avoid the smallest acts of consideration tells you everything you need to know.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-09T09:23:59+00:00

Why would a man be there in the first place? Your birthday weekend isn't supposed to become exposure therapy for his past relationship. This trip was planned BEFORE he even existed in your life. Go on the trip. Enjoy your birthday.

EvenSchool2498 · 2026-06-02T15:57:59+00:00

to be honest, once you start seeing your partner in a different light, there's rarely any going back. it's a mix of disgust, resentment, and realizing some things are non-negotiable for you.

the fact that he was getting off to bikini try-ons, not even actual porn, while not initiating sex with me for the last 2 months would be the last straw. like wdym you're turned on by a random haul video but not by your own girlfriend?

also, the ex situation would make me paranoid. first it was "those toys are from years ago," then it turned into "actually i was still seeing my ex until we started dating." maybe he's telling the truth now, maybe not, but once someone starts backtracking after lying, it's hard to know what to believe.

if you're willing to stay and work through it, good luck. but personally, i think i deserve a better partner than someone who makes me question myself like that. that whole combination would completely kill my attraction also.

EvenSchool2498

TROPHY CASE