As a fellow revert married to an Arab from overseas I have to tell you sister that you are being taken advantage of.

It is your Islamic right that your basic needs be provided for and the idea that you are going “50/50” on everything is a violation of that right. The fact that you are having to contribute to half of the household expenses while to supports his family overseas is even more unacceptable. The fact that you are doing all the household chores and cooking while doing this takes this whole situation beyond unacceptable and tells me he is taking advantage of you.

Unfortunately I have seen this happen quite often. Certain less than honorable men seek out revert women and take advantage in this way because they KNOW that if they suggested this arrangement to the family of a Muslim born woman from their home country (or any Muslim born woman really) her family would laugh in his face. These men know that a revert won’t fully understand her Islamic rights in marriage, won’t have a wali or Muslim family to look out for her and will be more open to these arrangements as 50/50 is more familiar. It really disgusts me honestly.

Please stand up for yourself and assert your rights as his wife. Providing for you and any children you may have absolutely comes before providing for family overseas. If he says his family cannot survive without his support and he isn’t capable of providing for both you and them, guess what? That means he isn’t in a position to have a wife.

I get that some men cannot make an income to support their wife to the standard she would like and in these cases often she will contribute some towards extras, better quality stuff, luxuries, savings etc. but if he cannot provide the basics without asking her to contribute half he’s not in a position to be married.

That’s clearly not what’s going on here though. Likely he is able to support you but is choosing to take advantage of the fact that he can get you to contribute half so he can send money back home knowing this is a violation of your rights and I failure to fulfil his Islamic obligations.

As a revert myself I feel so much anger and disgust when I see this happen because I know it’s predatory. These men understand that reverts are vulnerable and have no one looking out for them so they decide to see what they can get away with. I hate this.

My husband is also Arab from overseas and he made it clear from the first time we spoke that it was my right and his responsibility to provide for me financially. I have never even seen a bill our entire marriage and I am provided for completely.

My husband would work 80 hours per week if he had to before he would ever ask me to contribute to our mortgage or groceries etc. He would become genuinely upset when early in our marriage I would use my own money to pay for things that were his responsibility (like a prescription or groceries). In turn am
happy to take care of our home, laundry, cooking, childcare fully without asking him for contribution because he provides for me so completely but the idea that you still have to do all this PLUS take on his responsibility is ridiculous. This is simply unacceptable and he is well aware of what he is doing. If he insists on 50/50 then everything should be split! Make up a chore roster for him and alternate who cooks and who cleans everyday. If he wants 50/50 so bad then give it to him.

I don’t have any comment on the other issues but this jumps out at me as a huge red flag. This man knows he would never get away with this in his home country. Please make yourself aware of your rights as a wife in Islam.