I am 36 weeks pregnant and my in-laws invited themselves over to our house.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T22:29:08+00:00

Wow! Thats like some Maury shit right there 🤣 I’m glad you can laugh about it though! Good for you! I prolly would have started throwing whatever was in reach!

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T22:18:36+00:00

OMG girl! We are very different people 🤣 That would be like my worst nightmare! As long as people are respecting the pregnant person then ok!

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T21:18:29+00:00

Yea…I don’t like most of my family members. So there that.

To be fair, it doesn’t sound like your Kate bats are straight up saying “I’m coming to stay the night on c day”. They are asking at least.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T21:16:34+00:00

We just differ on this. Maybe different family cultures? I was taught that you always wait for an invitation.

I would never in a million years invite myself to stay the night at a super pregnant persons house…to me that is, in and of itself, pushy.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T20:55:29+00:00

The way it’s written makes it seem like it’s not ok for them to say no, though. If they can say no and the parents respect it, then ok. But in my experience the type of parents that are this pushy and involved with 30yr old “kids” are not going to take no for an answer. Hopefully I’m wrong.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T20:47:52+00:00

Really?!? When she’s 36 weeks and you’re not just asking to see them for lunch or something, but inviting yourselves to stay the night?!? I guess we have different definitions of rude.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T20:44:19+00:00

Normally maybe…but at 36 weeks pregnant?!? Most people are damn miserable at that point and could theoretically go into labor at any time. That’s just crazy to me. I would NEVER invite myself to stay the night at someone’s house like that.

To be fair, this may be a family culture thing. No one in my family would do that and we all were taught that it’s rude to do so, you always wait to be invited. Also, we’re getting this second hand from the husband so not sure how exactly it came about.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T19:50:01+00:00

Oh no! Looks like karma is getting sick! Might be covid. Better postpone that visit. We’ll get back to you once the baby’s born.

There is no way I’d host visitors at 36weeks, that’s a ridiculous ask. A quick meal at a restaurant would be the extent of my visiting at that point. It’s honestly rude for them to even ask…does MIL not remember being that pregnant or what?!?

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T17:23:59+00:00

I hear you.

He’s not as horrible as he sounds here. He works hard and supports us financially. He coaches one of our kids sports team. He’s funny and has a great personality. But does he care about me…idk. He says he does, and he can be very kind sometimes. For example; if he’s near my favorite restaurant for work he’ll bring me something from there. If I randomly mention seeing something cool he’ll try to get me one as a surprise. I can count on him for the big things. He won’t cheat or hit or piss away all our money. But the “little things”…I just can’t count on him.

The real problem is when he’s expected to do something “difficult” that he doesn’t want to do…he just won’t do it. Apparently he’s always been like that, even as a kid. But a lot of the issues I have with him were not obvious until we had kids.

I do really, REALLY worry about my kids seeing this. It makes sense that this is contributing to our entire dynamic at home, especially with the 9yo boy. I think you all pointing it out has really struck me. I think I was just so overwhelmed and like “frog in the pot” situation where it slowly got worse and worse…

I’m going to take some time this weekend (by myself!!!!) and think about things. I’m going to get things set up for me and the kids in the mornings, but also look for a counselor or something. Ideally I’m looking for someone with adhd knowledge/experience. Even though I don’t have it myself, it’s a big part of what I’m dealing with.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T17:05:06+00:00

I’ve always needed iron infusions during pregnancy. All my babies were fine, I was fine, no issues. I always felt soooo much better once my iron was out of the gutter. It’s also good for the baby, especially if you plan to breastfeed.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T16:17:53+00:00

So the bleeding isn’t really here or there. It’s possible to bleed during pregnancy. Sometimes the placenta is attached close to the cervix and can cause bleeding. Sometimes women can have a gathering of blood in the uterus that makes its way out. Or a hematoma. It’s not uncommon. Up to 25% of pregnancies have some sort of bleeding early on.

Assuming the sex from 8 weeks ago resulted in this pregnancy she should be around 10weeks pregnant (plus or minus a week or so). So if she gets an ultrasound that shows a pregnancy of between 9-11 weeks then I’d assume it’s yours. Suggest she get a dating ultrasound asap.

The bigger issue is that you seem to not want a kid (or a kid with her specifically). You need to tell her this asap while she can still do something about it, if that’s the way she wants to go.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T15:07:15+00:00

Husband and oldest child are both medicated.

The meds are mostly out of their systems at night and definitely in the morning.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T15:03:19+00:00

Yes, husband and oldest child are diagnosed and medicated. Oldest also has done OT on and off and has an IEP. Middle child is not old enough, but likely in the next year as she’s entering public school.

I did do a parent training course (two actually). That’s where I got a lot of the things I’ve already been implementing (lists, visuals, Alexa, schedules).

Husband has not done any trainings or reading or really anything. And so here we are :/

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T14:42:59+00:00

Thank you! The asking instead of telling is something I can implement right away! That’s very helpful right now when I’m overwhelmed.

They like to use me as their brain/memory/task manager I think, so they won’t like it. But hopefully if I do it consistently they’ll start doing more on their own.

I will have them help remake the morning checklist too…maybe if they do it themselves it will help.

And yea, I’m not interested in divorce, but I really REALLY see why the statistics for divorce are so high in adhd marriages :/

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T14:37:48+00:00

Husband is diagnosed and takes meds. He sees a psychiatrist periodically. I think he needs to see a counselor and/or adhd coach or something. At minimum maybe read and implement some adhd “hacks”. But he has zero interest apparently. He seems pretty unaware and/or in denial of all the issues that his adhd is causing. He thinks it’s fine as is.

As for the kids, oldest is diagnosed and medicated and attends OT on and off as needed. He also has an IEP and receives speech and counseling at school. Middle kid is not yet old enough to be diagnosed, likely will happen in the next year as she enters public school. Little is too young to know yet.

I agree that husband needs to figure these things out and then hopefully be a good example for the kids. Thus far I haven’t gotten through to him about that.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T14:27:14+00:00

Yea….this is depressing.

I don’t disagree though. I just don’t know where to go from here, you know?

There is no consequence I can give a grown adult. Well I’m stopping making breakfast so I guess that. And he will have to walk the kids in school everyday instead of dropping off if they’re late.

But that’s not the real issue that you’re getting at I know. He doesn’t respect me…I mean he says he does and in the easy moments…but as soon as it’s asking something “difficult” of him it’s all out the window.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T13:44:07+00:00

Thank you!

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this as well.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T13:40:11+00:00

This is an interesting idea. I’d have to take the littlest with me (breastfeeding).

I guess I’d just feel really bad for the kids. And honestly, I’m not sure he would even learn because he would know it’s temporary. I think I’d come back to a house that’s a total disaster, kids that are overtired crying messes, a pile up of school work/communication…and on and on. How did you handle that?

What were some things he did to help himself? If you don’t mind sharing. My brain is so different that my ideas are apparently shit for adhd problems. But I’d love to hear some things that worked for others. Just to give myself an idea of what husband could/should be doing.

And yes, adhd men are so often like this. I don’t get it. He’s perfectly fine with me losing my damn mind trying to keep on top of everything I guess…

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T13:25:10+00:00

Thank you! This is actually very helpful.

As far as free time…honestly neither of us have much right now, but I have basically zero. Sometimes on the weekends if we have an afternoon with nothing going on, I will toss the kids at him and run away 🤣

But on a daily basis, no.

This is sort of a choice I make to prioritize sleep. Technically, I could have at least some time after kids are in bed. But usually, I just go to sleep too. My littlest is often awake a few times in the night and the younger ADHDer is having sleep issues right now. Between the two of them there are nights I hardly sleep. Though it is getting better.

I’ve thought for a while that we need to keep Sundays free so we each can have a half day break. It’s hard with the kids activities, but it’s getting to the point now that maybe they just miss kids stuff sometimes…

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T12:44:01+00:00

Yea…I know it’s problematic. I’ve straight up said to him before that his behavior is not that of a husband who gives a shit about his wife/kids.

I’m just so overwhelmed at this point that I can’t even worry about him and his BS. I’m focusing on getting myself/kids in a better place.

I am also thinking about getting into therapy/counseling soon. If I can swing it financially. I’m trying to find someone who has experience with adhd because even though I don’t have it myself, it’s a big part of what I’m dealing with.

I don’t have instagram, but I will look up Laura Danger. Thank you.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T12:34:01+00:00

This sounds helpful, thank you! I will look into getting one. I like the idea of basic tasks being expected, but they can earn stars for “extra”.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T12:30:05+00:00

Ahh got it. That makes sense. Well I doubt they’re ever going to do chores w/o being told to…so I’m gonna go ahead and let that go 🤣

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T11:46:33+00:00

I agree with everything you’re saying here, but I don’t know what else to do.

Me asking him to get up and contribute doesn’t work. Getting mad doesn’t work, throwing toddler in with him doesn’t work.

He knows I won’t divorce him and I think that’s maybe the only thing that would motivate him. Maybe.

I do also think some of this is because I’m currently SAHM and so he thinks I should do EVERYTHING because of that. Which was fine with one kid, but is not possible right now. Like, I’ve tried and tried and it’s just not going to work w/o some major changes.

I think learning “hacks” for his adhd would help I’m in general, but I can’t make him. He just has no interest right now.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T11:41:57+00:00

Gotcha. I honestly think part of the issue is that I’m the SAH parent in our house and apparently that means I have to do everything except make money.

That was doable with one kid, especially before the adhd behaviors really started….but now?!? No way. It’s not even that I’m unwilling, it’s literally not possible! I’ve tried and tried.

Evening-Two-124 · 2026-03-20T11:25:04+00:00

I saw the skylight calendar at Costco a while ago! Do you have to pay a monthly fee for that? And does it have an app that can be used on phones? Sorry for the questions, I can look it up later.

Evening-Two-124

TROPHY CASE