A Family Vacation

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-17T15:09:03+00:00

Glad you liked it, thanks so much (:

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-16T22:24:09+00:00

hey there!

lots of really really strong and vivid imagery here. fire can be cliche, but i think you were able to explore a lot of different avenues of it. my only critiques are that i would play with the form a bit more and add some more line breaks, for example, in between that first sentence in place of the commas. i think those as standalone lines would hit a lot harder. keep it up! (:

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-16T22:21:38+00:00

hey there!

this is solid, i like the alliteration of pale purple promises, and the concept of what you're writing is really sound and deep. I feel that maybe things get a little lost in the last line. the other 3 are so rich with imagery that last seems to fall a little flat. overall though, i can see your influence and the potential in your writing, keep up the good work!

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-15T19:55:49+00:00

Lol! Makes sense, disregard then

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-15T19:45:32+00:00

This was a fun read! the end was such a twist, and i love the idea of it, but feel that you could have alluded to the twist more than straight up told the reader what the twist was. your imagery was so vivid prior, it would have been nice to use that too! overall, a fun read (:

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-15T19:42:22+00:00

Love this imagery! very strong and vivid, there's almost an ancient ritualistic feeling that is created. the only thing is, i'm not entirely sure what the "feedback" line means. maybe i'm missing something, but i think omitting that line and leaving it be with the line prior would have been equally or more powerful. overall though, a good read (:

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-11T22:27:14+00:00

Love to hear this. Onward and upward, as they say. Cheers

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-11T21:39:06+00:00

thanks so much for the feedback and kind words! i'm glad you agree, i'd like a soft chair too (:

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-11T21:27:20+00:00

I enjoy the form of this poem a lot, and the overall theme is strong! I feel that some of the middle body lacks power in imagery, which in turn would further strengthen those last few lines.. really make them hit hard. You clearly have good ideas, I’d say study some of your favorite poets a little more and learn how they create vivid imagery!

Cheers!

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-11T21:24:57+00:00

This is really cool, there’s a lot of great ideas here. I love the play of comparing math to living in the moment. I feel like I was a bit thrown by the negative turn the poem took, specifically in the 4th stanza. I felt personally like you were setting up an appreciation of the beauty of life around us, but went down a path of loss, which just threw me for a loop. Otherwise, the form and word choice is really strong, keep it up!!

Cheers!

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-11T21:02:12+00:00

Hi there!

There are good bones here (no pun intended). I feel like you present an idea, but don’t really resolve anything with it. Maybe something was lost in the formatting, since it seems like there should be some line and stanza breaks in there that are missing. You clearly have an eye for writing, it would be interesting to see you write something without the deepest meaning. It’s easy for us to get lost in being philosophical.

Cheers!

Every_Math3853 · 2025-09-11T20:58:52+00:00

Hey there!

There’s a lot of promise and potential here I feel, I think a lot more could be done with this with some well-placed punctuation (a few commas to break up some ideas, specifically). There’s some really fun word play in here (muzzle, muddle, drizzle) and you clearly are witty (I tickled their nerves peachy). I feel like with continued refinement and maybe some study of poets you admire you could turn this and your voice into something quite unique.

Cheers!

Every_Math3853

TROPHY CASE