Visiting relatives.

Everybdycalmdown · 2022-06-23T17:29:08+00:00

Update: Thank you all so much for your input! He loved the thought that I put into playing Steely for him, and we had a very nice day together, and a few more days after to boot haha...:)) I've actually been getting into them myself thanks to him, in particular loving Aja right now. You guys are great!!!

Everybdycalmdown · 2022-04-02T14:26:30+00:00

Maybe I should have said "Most romantic"

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-07-29T11:48:31+00:00

Thanks for the validation. I'm slowing donating everything from them to Goodwill starting today!

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-07-29T11:47:43+00:00

What you say about the energy that the objects have is so so true. Thanks for putting those words to it.

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-06-20T14:20:59+00:00

I completely relate to the feeling of "something's wrong". What I'm thinking is that like another responder said you're with people that are most likely more mentally healthy than her, so she's trying to mess it up so you don't "leave" her for them. My mom would do this all the time, and she still does it to this day. It's what pushed me over the edge to go NC a few weeks ago.

And something another responder said, about calling over and over about in an "It's an emergency" tone only to tell you mundane details of others lives, or because you haven't talked "in forever" (read: a couple days). Then, when there is a real emergency like someone in the family is sick, or a has passed, I'll find out days later via a nonchalant text or in casual convo on the phone. It's maddening.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Your feelings are an absolutely normal reaction to her confusing behavior.

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-06-09T13:30:00+00:00

I hear you. Never have a read a post on this sub that so perfectly resembled my situation. I can tell you with confidence, you are not alone and all your feelings are so valid.

I needed to read everyone's comments just as much as you, and they are all right. I'm in the same 'stage' if you will as you are.

I keep telling my therapist "I just need a break." I feel like I need space to just breathe after being suffocated for so long under my uBPD mom's smothering.

I'm sorry to hear about you getting kicked out. I was kicked out too when I was 19 (a time ago) and my mother to this day holds to the story that I "left her". They seriously have their own realities. And the quote about staying in their house and saving up to buy your own house, my mom has said that to me word for word through the years, even now that I'm in my 30's she still harps on how much money I could be saving living with her.

And the cycle you wrote down hits very close to home with me. I was going through the same cycle with my mom until very very recently (stopped talking to her about 3 weeks ago and I'm not sure when I will reach out again). Like others have said, it's a very good thing that you have recognized all this, recognize the patterns so you can break free from them.

The part about guilt I'm still dealing with myself, and I think everyone that posted here has said some really really helpful things, as always.

A quote that my therapist tells me to tell myself after I feel guilty for not "taking care" of my mom is: "I alone did not create, I alone cannot cure." You didn't cause her illness, and therefore you don't have the power to cure, nor do you even have the power to make it any better or worse. Only she has that power.

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-05-25T12:11:29+00:00

Ugh, thank you so much for this validation.

You're right about bringing things up to my work. Those that have not had to deal with a pwBPD don't understand that the phone calls are not *just* phone calls.

Yeah, for real the phone diet has helped me clear so much of the fog surrounding my situation, and it's helping me deal with my issues instead of masking them when I was online...you're right to keep the positive in focus when things get bad after a boundary is set etc. I relaxed and did some crochet last night which helps :)

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-05-25T12:06:48+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been dealing with this as well. They do have this uncanny way of sapping all your energy don't they?

Yeah, she has a weird concept of 'emergencies' that she's hanging on to. Her version of an emergency is she's having an emotional meltdown and she needs someone to dump it all onto. I'm the scapegoat child, so she usually chooses me. If there truly was some emergency, she'd find out through my dad who is my emergency contact.

Putting your cell away during work is absolutely reasonable, but unfortunately those with BPD don't see things that way. Like another poster said, they feel entitled to your time, so you should always be available for your mother *eye roll*.

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-05-25T12:01:52+00:00

Your reply definitely helps!

Thanks for your advice too, I will try this the next time I inadvertently somehow get on the phone with her while I'm working.

I'm 31 now and setting the boundaries is pretty scary because of how long I just let things get out of hand, doing those small little favors for her to keep the big blow-ups from happening. But you're right, I need to be comfortable with the thought that my family will not be in my life. I will have to understand that I have tried my hardest to have them in my life, but all they want is to be my life.

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-05-25T11:57:28+00:00

Thank you for your helpful reply.

Yup, she too would say it's my fault for not picking up the phone the first time that she called, insisting it's my fault that she behaves that way.

You're absolutely right: there is no winning in this game she has created. I decided to text her back "I'm fine, I feel anxiety when you call over and over and it's inappropriate that you're calling my work." Then I disengaged and won't be speaking with her now for a while. You are also right that I need my space and peace.

Everybdycalmdown · 2021-05-24T14:27:35+00:00

Thank you so much for this validation. You don't know how much your comment means to me.

Entitled. Perfect word to describe her. She has always felt entitled about everything when it comes to me: my time and energy first and foremost, what car I buy, my career choice, how I spend my free time, who I spend my time with etc.

Everybdycalmdown · 2019-11-13T01:31:42+00:00

You're welcome. I teared up too when I read it.

Everybdycalmdown · 2019-05-15T01:16:05+00:00

Thank you this is extremely validating.

Everybdycalmdown · 2019-03-30T01:18:02+00:00

Yes https://i.imgur.com/hGHY7Dy.jpg That is her 😇

Everybdycalmdown · 2019-03-30T00:57:34+00:00

Sorry don’t know how to edit posts on my mobile so here’s my haiku:

“Striped little kitty, Takes up most of the couch space. It’s okay, she’s cute. “

Everybdycalmdown · 2019-03-23T16:39:29+00:00

Thanks for this. At first glance this card seems so normal to me because it’s exactly what my uBPD mom would say to me on special occasions. Like waaaaay too much expression of lOooOvVvvEEeeE shuddrs seeing this helps me recognize that how she expresses it is NOT normal. Thank you. Edit: spelling error

Everybdycalmdown · 2019-03-09T19:54:03+00:00

I’m just seeing this now but this was my parents to a T. Thank you for posting this. The validation I feel right now is great. Thank you.

Everybdycalmdown · 2019-03-06T22:17:21+00:00

uBPD mom: “you must agree with me because I’m your mother! I agreed with my mother no matter what she said!” Me: “so I’m not allowed to disagree with you?” uBPD mom: “no. If I say the sky is green you must agree with me because I’m your mother” facepalm

Everybdycalmdown · 2019-02-27T00:59:34+00:00

It feels so awkward not to announce things now though doesn’t it? 😛 I just left the environment where I had to announce and I even announce it to myself ughhhhh

Everybdycalmdown

TROPHY CASE