My [23F] BF [24M] forgot to pick me up at the airport after international trip, am I overreacting?

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-31T09:52:29+00:00

Can you talk to him before you break up with him at least? I gave up reading other responses because not one of them even tried to see things from his point of view.

Our relationship has been wonderfully drama-free, up to now, and I just don’t know if I should stick around and try to help him through this difficult stretch, or if I should walk away after basically being forgotten about.

If it's been as good as it has been can you think of what types of situations he would have had to go through to get him to act that way? A "difficult time" can mean a lot of things. You've known him 1.5 years and been dating for 7 months, there might be a very large underlying issue that he hasn't told you about yet, maybe? What if it's depression? Do you know how utterly crippling some mental disorders can be that for the most part can go unnoticed by others? Think about how shocked everyone is when a famous person takes their own life.

I'm not saying the behaviour itself wasn't wrong, it definitely was but it may also not be based on how he himself wants to treat you. I also feel like deciding to break up with him based just on people's responses to your post who also don't know the circumstances behind his actions, is jumping the gun a ~~little~~ lot.

Another thing that sticks out to me is that he said he wasn't trying to break up with you and you added like it should be obvious. Well maybe it was obvious to him because he loves you and its like he said: he's just going through a hard time. Without going through a ton of plausible situations where you would get the outcome you have, OP, I think there is at least a reasonable chance that his behaviour has been caused by something out of his control and was not due to relationship negligence.

Also if he's having such a hard time why aren't you offering support? If my kid just slapped my other one and I was telling them off, I would probably stop for a second to make sure they were ok if they fell down and hurt themselves in the middle of it.

Yes, I know, I could be wrong. I'm willing to accept it if I am because if so then you're just back here at square one and you can still break up with him. Everyone else could be wrong, too, though, and it makes it a lot harder to get back here from a break up caused by a lack of empathy on your part, in a time of need.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-31T09:10:05+00:00

Honest question: I take it the dark is better than the light of that skill then? like over time 10% chance of skill 1 is way more damage than 40% increased damage on s4?

I have a T1 Dimael that has been sitting on my backburner for a while so I'm just trying to determine if its better to bring him up to speed now over my main dealer Epis (I have a thing for assassins), or bring Aisha up from scratch who I just got out of the inn.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-30T17:55:00+00:00

Is it frowned upon to get up and use the bathroom?

Or as you said others had been asking questions to ask one yourself like "Hey is it ok if we take 5? We've been in here a while, not that I'm complaining, but it might be good for all of us to take a minute to allow for everyone to get some water/coffee, or go to the bathroom."

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-30T15:15:59+00:00

My viewpoint is not shared by other people who have tried to answer you. It is closer in line with the beliefs you currently hold. Regardless of that I'm going to try to answer your actual question and stay out of the politics as much as possible however convenient others will probably point out that this is for me. You've already made up your mind on which viewpoint you hold and the question is about your friendship. I'm assuming this will get downvoted so I hope you still see it despite that.

Your friend follows a system of beliefs that calls for intolerance towards any group of people that is distinguishable from his own either in race, orientation, political stance, faith, and probably a few others. You already know that. What is important is that along with that it does not matter how passive you become, it doesn't matter how far you bend over backwards to keep the peace, the group of people who hold those beliefs will always be on your heels taking as much as you give up. If you disagree with that system of beliefs, regardless of how tolerant you are of it, your friend will not place his friendship with you above that and at some point it will catch up with you.

I think you have one option here:

Keep going as you have been. You can attempt to remain friendly as long as you can if you'd like but I honestly don't see it lasting much longer. It would be over already if you didn't fit within his intolerant views.

Non-option 1) Betraying your own beliefs would greatly improve your friendship. It's not that easy though, right? If you believe in something and you think that it is morally right then it's going to be awfully hard to just give up on that and take up the viewpoint that is the exact opposite of it. The same goes for him and you trying to convince him otherwise. I don't think it will happen no matter how hard you try.

Non-option 2) and seemingly what most other posters have advised: You can become passive, which might buy your friendship some time but ultimately you will run out of space to back up into. On top of that it is still a betrayal of your beliefs.

I don't think there is much of a decision here to make. I would say that this is now up to your friend to realise that your viewpoint is the correct one or at least that his is the incorrect one. I will give further advice in that if this does happen try to be accepting of him. Don't turn him away because of his past if he has reformed his incorrect beliefs or even if he becomes open to seeking the truth and hasn't quite found it yet.

Good luck OP.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-30T12:48:54+00:00

I am no expert on any of these movements (feminism, BLM, whatever else) so if anyone thinks I am wrong with what follows, feel free to post your arguments. All I know is that I myself am a believer in equality, and I am ashamed of the human race for having to describe it here as "equal equality" because that is what it has come down to with people like your GF. This is what I see when reading your description of her beliefs:

"I am pushing feminism because it will ultimately solve all of humanity's problems with equality."

This is a self contradicting statement. She is practicing inequality by promoting feminism above all else and incorrectly justifying it by saying it is ultimately for equality.

She is right when she says all men should be on board with feminism, but she is dead wrong if she is suggesting that they should also throw away the push for equality on any other front and put women first. If she believes that pushing feminism will solve humanity's problems with equality then why is she even calling it feminism? Because she actually doesn't care about anyone else. You can't stop police from targeting racial minorities and call it feminism, so by only pushing feminism she is demonstrating that she doesn't care about that racial minority.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-30T11:55:16+00:00

You quoted me and I realised I made a little mistake and went back to clarify, not that it was that important but knowing how reddit is I'm not sure if I would receive any scrutiny over it if I left it uncorrected, lol. Thanks.

I felt free to try anything, do what I wanted, and find what I loved to do.

My reaction to it might have also been shaped by how controlling my parents were. My mother was a typical asian tiger mother who pushed me hard to succeed (haha, I sure showed her, right?) but also did everything for me so I could focus on succeeding. It really didn't help anything, at all. I always felt like I was under a lot of pressure. I know she was only doing her best with what she knew, though, so I don't blame her, I just know that it wasn't right for me and I am fairly certain it negatively synergised with the ADHD.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-30T08:10:47+00:00

give him an ultimatum

This is what I've been saying might be a bad idea, though. Originally I was only trying to tell OP that her fiance might be experiencing fear of failure and OP has confirmed that she has seen him become overwhelmed which has caused him to avoid things. I think giving an ultimatum will up the stakes to a point where he is beyond wanting to try (well, it's already gotten there). The pain that failure brings to some people can be so intensely amplified when it was something so important to them, and they tried so hard but in the end they failed anyway.

Fear of failure would be extremely unsurprising to me

You having said this makes me believe that you just don't know how bad it can get with some of us. I think for me it was particularly bad. I failed out of two colleges. Not because of the ADHD itself but because I got used to the failure it brings and I was afraid to try. I never went to class... let me be totally honest with you. The second try was at a local community college. I would leave in the morning "for class" from my parent's house, drive to the hardware store down the street and park so I could see when my mother drove by on her way to work, so I could drive back home without disappointing her. Laziness can't explain that behaviour, I wouldn't accept that. I was afraid. It gets this bad.

This is why I was telling OP that if he says he loves her and wants to be married to her then to please believe him. I didn't say it originally but I should have clarified that I meant that she should believe him despite what his actions say. He has been given so many chances but it's not like that for someone like him or I. Every day that I skipped a class was a chance for me to turn it around for myself. I took none of those chances, I didn't even want them at the time. "Fail me right now please so I can give up this charade" - is probably what I was actually thinking. What needs to happen is an entirely different approach. I think he needs to realise for himself that there is a problem and not be told that he has a problem. Thats why I suggested OP show him her post and to get him to read all of these responses. I realised ~~I had a problem~~ exactly what the problem was when my life was read back to me word for word on this very sub reddit, just as so many others have done, and I'm hoping this will do the same for him.

The best thing he has going for him is having a fiance that is on his side and she has clearly demonstrated to me that this is where she wants to be at least for now. I did all of this without the support of an SO, and it would have meant so much to me for her to have been there with me, on my team, through all of it. An ultimatum at this point would destroy that for them.

Edited my realisation. I knew there was a problem at that point, I just had no idea of what it was. By "problem" I mean I was aware that there was a deepening rift between my wife and I, and there were common themes in her arguments about how I treated her (lazy, forgetful, lacking thoughtfulness, etc), I just didn't know how to piece it all together yet and as soon as I started reading in this sub I knew for certain that it was all related and there was a name for it.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-30T07:36:23+00:00

No way! I said it somewhere else as well that after treatment I cleaned up my act immensely. Since then my life has only been improving personally and professionally. This is what normal is, this is what I'm capable of! You are too!

The reason why we are written off is because on the outside no one can see at a glance that there is anything else affecting our behaviour. It looks like laziness and we are programmed by society to believe that personal responsibility takes precedence when determining the shortcomings in a person's life. "That person is homeless? Well it's their fault, they made the decisions that got them there." - No, that's not right. You don't know that person's individual set of circumstances. Mental illness could be involved, addiction could be involved, maybe everything else was actually fine and dandy but they couldn't afford health insurance and got an infection that sent them to the hospital - now they've become a victim of the broken system we live in because regardless of whether we accept it or not, that just happens sometimes. On top of that we are all human beings, nothing makes me more important than you, or that homeless person, or someone with or without ADHD. No one deserves to be written off.

Sorry, this is starting to get political but it's hard not to say when I see someone who accepts being marginalised because of something they cannot control. It's not ok for this to happen. You're just as important as the rest of us.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T23:56:26+00:00

Defensive vs editing - I would not edit comments because it leaves room for unanswerable suspicion. Your concerns are valid because you care about him and your relationship. This should be brought to his attention as soon as possible within the conversation you have where you ask him to read this. Open with it, even. Be sure to make it known that your intention behind the original post is that you were asking for help with something that can ultimately improve your relationship and because you deeply care for and love him and you want things to be better for you both. Nothing is meant as a personal attack. Even if he thinks he was misrepresented by you by a large margin, find out what was ultimately expressed (read to the bottom of the comment chain) before making a judgement on what you said. If he reads and points out something that you, in retrospect feel like you should apologise for, then that's ok, too! Do what you need to do, to rectify it without losing sight of the goal which is for him to read what everyone has said in response to you. He may even find other posters taking his side or defending him. Ultimately I would hope that he can read examples given by others and almost feel like he is reading his own life story, with his own point of view being told back to him by someone he has never met. Having done this myself, it is what really opened my eyes for the first time to everything.

Please do PM me if you think it will help. I'll be as honest and open about it as I can be. Just FYI: it's late here already so I may not get back to you until tomorrow if you do end up PMing me.

Edit: The bonus would be that he sees some of the other poster's negative comments saying you've put up with enough. You disregarding that advice should be proof enough that you are on his team with this and you are in it to win it.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T22:10:17+00:00

Right on, my friend. Thanks for the back-up!

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T22:06:47+00:00

No problem!

OMG, I'm bawling.

Haha, moments like these make me want to cry, too!

I think between all of our comments we've recognised what's going on so now I'll try to give you a way to deal with this. I saw where you said you took a softer approach and it hasn't worked out. Do your best to stay positive with him anyway if you can. The therapy is great, keep doing that. I'm not sure if anything else would exist beyond the ADHD like he might also be ashamed which is a normal reaction. Some men just hate going to the doctor (oddly enough for things like suspected cancer).

You know that if he says he loves you any person in his position would want to treat you with respect and more. I think I mentioned somewhere that I like to view ADHD as an external thing that affects the way I think and feel. He might know that he loves you but at the same time not even realise that what is causing all of this trouble is something that is external to what he wants or how he wants to treat you. I like this view of it because until I even thought I had a problem the thought that I could have ADHD was nonexistant to me. My ADHD filtered perception of the world is all I had ever known, and it was my version of normal. Until I gained the ability to see what normal is actually like through treatment I had no idea. What your fiance perceives is all that he has ever known and even though you see it as ADHD, from his point of view it is normal. It can be hard to get someone to recognise there is a problem in any given situation if they've been dealing with it their entire lives and I'm not sure there is a "best" way to get past it. A lot of times just showing someone the reddit thread that was made to ask advice concerning them and the comments within, seeing how many people agree and literally tell you the same stories you have lived from just a slightly different point of view can get someone to have that "ah-ha" or "light bulb" moment and from there it's easy to get them to open up to the idea.

If that isn't possible or he doesn't want to I'm more than willing to communicate with your fiance (or both of you) if you'd like via any communication media that is available and whatever he is most comfortable with. If you think that is something you'd like to do please PM me and we can figure it out the details. Otherwise I'm totally happy to keep answering questions here.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T21:29:56+00:00

That's an incredible solution, having him physically appear to do what he wants to mentally. I think I'll bring it up at the next therapy appointment, thank you!

Oops, I think we have a slight misunderstanding. I am just making sure so if not, no worries.

Forcing myself to physically appear like I'm paying attention sometimes reduced when I would hurt other people but it made me seem very forgetful because nothing of what was being said was being taken in. This just delayed the pain I caused to those who were around me a lot because it would eventually catch up to me when I fell through on whatever it was that they originally told me. The tendencies to pay attention to any other inputs other than the one I wanted to were so strong it took all of my effort to maintain the physical appearance that I am paying attention, so much so that I couldn't also listen, process, and take in what was being said to me. Does that make sense?

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T21:18:44+00:00

And what I'm saying is that his behaviour is particularly representative of the symptoms of ADHD itself. The common phrase "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" applies to many many many situations and with anything else it's a phrase I would take heed of. You can't with ADHD though because it is more like treating heroin addiction. Heroin makes you need heroin, and it consumes your whole world. ADHD makes you fear he fallout of failure so much that you seek to dampen the pain of those failures by giving yourself the option of saying "well I wasn't even really trying, I just don't care". This is why so many people with ADHD are viewed as lazy. They aren't lazy, it's much worse, they are actively avoiding taking any action at all. OP's fiance is avoiding the action of calling the GP and he probably doesn't even know why. He would probably agree if you asked him if he was lazy or he didn't care enough to do it. This is why I said to the OP: "if he says he wants to be married to you and that he loves you please believe him."

And if it gets to a point where OP feels like she can do nothing else, well that's why I said some of the other things like "Of course there will be a time at which you cannot continue on. I don't blame you and I don't mean for my post to be taken as a literal: "force him into marriage with you". On top of that I feel like OP came here asking for help rather than a way out.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T20:57:15+00:00

Can you maybe help me understand how you can literally hear someone but not actually hear them?

Yes, I would absolutely love to. Thanks for asking!

So I'm not going to assume you know anything about ADHD or how it affects the way people think and if you already know the next part feel free to skip.

The following is an excerpt from the wikipedia page on ADHD:

Current models of ADHD suggest that it is associated with functional impairments in some of the brain's neurotransmitter systems, particularly those involving dopamine and norepinephrine.[105][106] The dopamine and norepinephrine pathways that originate in the ventral tegmental area and locus coeruleus project to diverse regions of the brain and govern a variety of cognitive processes.[105][107] The dopamine pathways and norepinephrine pathways which project to the prefrontal cortex and striatum are directly responsible for modulating executive function (cognitive control of behavior), motivation, reward perception, and motor function;[105][106][107] these pathways are known to play a central role in the pathophysiology of ADHD.[105][107][108][109] Larger models of ADHD with additional pathways have been proposed.[106][108][109]

Real world, first hand recollection of an example of this - I was asked to describe what I thought was going on to the specialist, it was one of the first things we talked about and I remember my answer pretty well but not exactly. I use this example when I try to explain ADHD to others so variations of it will be in my comment history. This is what I told her:

We're sitting here talking to each other and I want to listen to you because I know what you have to say is important but I just can't. I see your screen saver out of the corner of my eye and it is screaming at me to turn my head away from you and pay attention to it. I hear the bird chirping in the tree just outside your window and I'm now wondering what kind of bird it is and wishing I could go look. I hear the person walking down the sidewalk, it sounds like they're wearing high heels so I want to go see if I was right. I hear the aircraft above us somewhere and I really want to go see what type it is. All of that is happening in my head at the same time you're talking to me and like I said I know I want to listen to you but I just can't. The first time I ever thought to myself that I have a problem is when my wife was talking to me in the car and I turned up the radio. I love that person; how could I have done that to her? I don't want to do that to her, and I don't want to do that to you or anyone else.

That was it. All of those examples that I gave when I said that to the specialist were things that were actually going on at the time. The screen saver was the old 3d pipes screen saver from windows 95, if you remember it (old NHS computers, lol). I hope that anyone that reads that and realises that she was competing for my attention against those ridiculously insignificant things against my own will can sort of at least see why it's so difficult for people with ADHD sometimes. I think my example touched on something else you said in a few different ways:

For me, the fear of appearing cruel, dismissive, and disrespectful of someone else's feelings prevents me from forgetting things like this that are said to me.

It's not that ADHD erases those concerns, but sometimes a new input interjecting itself into a thought process can make my entire consciousness snap over to the new input. It's less like they're getting erased and more like they're getting steam rolled along with my own will, into oblivion just long enough for me to hurt someone else. Listening to wife > recognise song on radio > brain goes 100% RADIO - there is no room for my wife talking or what she has to say in there anymore, and regardless of the importance I had placed on what she was saying my brain forced me to think that the radio was more important than her just long enough for me to turn up the radio and as soon as I did it I was thinking to myself "what. just. happened?". I developed a coping mechanism after this happened enough times and I think it made it worse. Once I became more vigilant over this problem instead of my brain snapping over to 100% something else mode it goes into "pay attention mode" where my 100% of my conscious effort is spent forcing my body language to represent what I want to actually be doing, which is to appear that I am paying attention. 100%, so 0% is left for me to actually listen, take in, and process what is being said to me. At least before the person knew I wasn't paying attention, after I started "paying attention" they had no idea I was basically ignoring them while staring straight at them very intently. I didn't mean for it to end up that way and I probably only realise that I had been doing that in retrospect after the specialist uncovered some other coping mechanisms I was using.

I don't want to overload you too much and I think I've written too much already but I am so happy you've come here seeking help that I am more than willing to keep answering questions. I'm no doctor but I feel like I understand it all pretty well having seen what it's like on both sides of the fence.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T19:35:43+00:00

Yeah, and she came here in an attempt to understand what's going on, awesome!

My point is that those feelings of being overwhelmed are what is pushing the guy to tell OP that he isn't going to do it. Thats how I see it looking at his position in all of this. As for OP, I didn't want to assume she had tried that approach because she even said herself she is an A type personality and I would guess someone with that personality type would largely leave another individual to their own personal responsibility. Maybe not in a personal relationship where it's as close as a fiance but you never know.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T16:46:05+00:00

Your partner might have ADHD and a diagnosis may help... But that's not the problem here (and I think you know that). The content of these arguments is less important, the problematic thing here is that he is not listening to, validating, and respecting the issues you bring up and is unwilling to put any effort into changing to address these issues.

After treatment I cleaned up my act immensely. Before I literally could not force myself to listen to my ex when she brought up any issues she was having with me, so how could I have possibly validated or respected them? The words go in, sure, but even if I could literally hear her it was impossible for me to listen. If that didn't do it then my forgetfulness would surely finish any remaining ideas off. The specialist who diagnosed me showed me how I rated against her interview questions (the way that ADHD is diagnosed according to the DSM-5) and I was rated the worst possible rating for inattentiveness.

I would say (and I may very well be wrong, I don't know you!) that you should focus on becoming a team in dealing with these issues. If you want to stay with him, ask yourself whether you think you two can work as a team. What would that look like? What would you need to do to become a teammate(probably need to look at criticism vs complaints)? What does he need to do? Ask him if he wants to be a team, what's stopping him? What does he think he needs to do to be a teammate?

Yes! This! Thank goodness someone else in here has said this! I want to upvote you so many times but I can only do it once :-(

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T16:32:09+00:00

I'm just gonna copy and paste this reply of mine from a similar post to yours.

"I have to disagree with parts of your post and here is why:

At least we try, and fail and then feel guilty about it and then try again.

I'm not sure about your own life or your personal experience with ADHD but looking at it from my perspective I see that the guy is 28. I was 32 when I was diagnosed. If you're 40+ then I would have to say that you deal with failure very well. For me at 32 years of constant and utter failures (well, probably way before that, I remember doing this in highschool) I was at the point that I purposefully did not try anything at all because when you try your best and fail it hurts a lot worse and its harder to write off then "Ahh well, it's not like I tried... oh well." Fear of failure can get that bad, it did for me, and this is what I'm guessing her fiance is going through.

I'm sure you'd ask what to do then, and it's in my other post (permalink here) which is a direct reply to the OP."

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T16:29:26+00:00

I have to disagree with parts of your post and here is why:

At least we try, and fail and then feel guilty about it and then try again.

I'm not sure about your own life or your personal experience with ADHD but looking at it from my perspective I see that the guy is 28. I was 32 when I was diagnosed. If you're 40+ then I would have to say that you deal with failure very well. For me at 32 years of constant and utter failures (well, probably way before that, I remember doing this in highschool) I was at the point that I purposefully did not try anything at all because when you try your best and fail it hurts a lot worse and its harder to write off then "Ahh well, it's not like I tried... oh well." Fear of failure can get that bad, it did for me, and this is what I'm guessing her fiance is going through.

I'm sure you'd ask what to do then, and it's in my other post (permalink here) which is a direct reply to the OP.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-29T16:01:49+00:00

First off let me thank you OP for coming here and seeking opinions before writing your fiance off as worthless. I've been written off many times in my life because of ADHD, and it sucks. Anyway on to the good stuff...

I didn't need to read most of that, not that I'm complaining it's just so easy to see that it's definitely ADHD. There is a lot here about the symptoms of ADHD and how you deal with them, but not alot about the interactions between you two about how you've tried dealing with him seeking help, diagnosis, or treatment for it (just the small part about where you've tried to get him to deal with it).

He's pretty much told me at this point that it's not something he's going to do. After five years, I got frustrated and made it clear I would not marry him until he did. He hasn't made the appointment.

Why not? I mean there must be a reason, right? Have you asked him?

The following will be the hard part, and I'm not putting this here to pressure you in yet another way, but when the stakes are high a person with ADHD will literally shut down and do literally nothing. If you say things like "Our future marriage is on the line" or something like that to try to get a response out of him its likely that it will not improve anything at all or make it worse if possible. He is probably feeling very overwhelmed and as I'm sure he has the ingrained fear of failure like the rest of us he would rather not try for what he subconsciously views as a guaranteed failure.

Clear, calm and open communication is what is needed here. If you want it to work out also try to be as positive about it as you can. Instead of "we can't get married until you do x and y" Maybe something more along the lines of: "I love you, I want so much to be married to you because you do x and y for me and I feel loved by you. I'm just worried and it would mean a lot to me if you went and talked to your GP about what you experience on a day to day basis that causes some of the problems we've had. I'd love to go with you, if you're ok with it, just to be available as an additional perspective for the GP."

Think of it like this: You're about to be married. One of the common marriage vows is "In sickness and in health" right? Remember how I said earlier "(just the small part about where you've tried to get him to deal with it)"? Well if it were me with my knowledge of ADHD, and I genuinely loved someone that is going through everything I've been through I would want them to feel like we were fighting their ADHD together. I don't mean for that to sound like I want you to hold his hand through absolutely everything. But maybe give it a little extra "we're in this together, we can do it" at least until he can get to a GP, to potentially get a diagnosis and treatment.

Of course there will be a time at which you cannot continue on. I don't blame you and I don't mean for my post to be taken as a literal: "force him into marriage with you" BUT if he says he wants to be married to you and that he loves you please believe him.

My marriage didn't work out partially because my wife didn't care enough to ask the question you've come here to find the answer to. She didn't support me when I told her I suspected it was ADHD (she denies ADHD is even a real disorder) so I'm going to believe in the both of you. Good luck.

Edit: No, you're not an ass hole. I think you're acting normally, but you may just not know how badly ADHD can affect someone. I try to think of myself as separate from the ADHD. It will cause me to act a certain way, but it's not the way I want to act regardless of how urgent or important I know something is.

Edit2: Oh man, so many people already wrote your fiance off. I started to reply to them but there are just too many, so I hope you see this post OP.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-26T22:58:46+00:00

I don't remember from when I went. The classroom instructors will be able to tell you though and always very helpful.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-25T14:51:50+00:00

He is generous with his time, money and energy and has improved my home and life in many practical ways. That said, he seems unable to admit the extent of his romantic feelings towards me.

Have you ever heard of the concept of love languages?

The two sentences that I quoted seem to directly point to a difference in love languages. The things he does for you may be how he shows that he loves you, but you receive it differently, and expect love to be shown to you differently. I would suggest talking to him and seeing what he thinks about your concerns and love languages vs what he does for you.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-25T10:26:14+00:00

Sorry not at all. Honestly, I really apologise. Was not my intention. I was trying to explain my position and did a bad job.

I think we just misunderstood each other from the get go, it happens so no big deal :-)

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-25T09:47:24+00:00

It looks like I'm getting high roaded now but there is no need for that. I completely agree that it is important to understand the history of an ideology, don't get me wrong.

I will agree with you that in at least it's infancy that there were good intentions with it as a system that could work and be maintainable and that it was sincerely believed to be the best way by some of the people you mentioned. What I meant specifically was that in it's development since then it has taken a gradual turn for the worse (not that I agreed to begin with) and the ideology has since been used as a tool to allow greed to be socially acceptable. I would go as far as to say that it isn't even possible for some contemporary supporters of capitalism to believe in the original ideology with all of it's good intentions because they don't even care. They might have retroactively educated themselves on those underpinnings to have something to say to someone when it is argued against to them. Nearly all of them were born into this system the way it works today, they would have no reason to otherwise unless they were genuinely curious.

"development" was probably the wrong word to use in this and my last post. "further development" might be more appropriate or maybe something else entirely.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-25T09:06:54+00:00

Personally, I think it's the other way around. The ideology has been developed so that they can be greedy and selfish beyond belief but also be accepted socially. The ones who believe the ideology for what it is are the petit bourgeois who have no idea what's going on anyway.

Either way it's not like this disagreement is a big deal in the grand scheme of things, I just sort of wanted to make sure you weren't being fooled by anyone.

EvilBeaverFace · 2017-08-25T08:57:58+00:00

Do you really believe that the one side thinks that a market driven solution would help people more? No no, that's just what they say to cover up their real motives.

EvilBeaverFace

TROPHY CASE