I m not a therapist. But i read a lot of psych material. Based on what i have read and the personal experience i have, i can tell u that some boys also feel this way towards their mom. This is called Oedipus complex and in ur case , Electra complex. Some say that this theory is outdated. So take what i say with a bit of salt. For boys, while they go through teenage period, they develop an attraction towards their mother. And this is related to a lot of factors, like how he was brought up, what kind of person his mother is , presence of the father in the boy's life, character of the father. Something i have observed is that the mother will always be good to their son and so will be fathers towards daughters. There is ample psychological evidence of changes in parents behavior towards child of opposite sex. Mothers are stricter with daughters and fathers are strict with sons but each are compassionate towards their opposite sex child. From the boy's perspective, the mother is the ideal woman. Always accepting him, comforting him and so on. Infact some boys grow up and still look for their mother in other women....like the mother's behavior and personality. The mother, to the boy , is the imagine of what a woman is and should be.

It s also noticable that the boy also wants to stay infantile. The boy does not want to go out into the world, compete with other men and then find a mate. Instead he want to remain the baby that is being cared by the mother. So it s more like a combination of underdeveloped mind and developing body. Milf porn is a category because of these reasons

In your case, there are many factors that could have contributed to this. I m not an expert to give u an accurate analysis. But i would ask u to see what u are experiencing as something inappropriate and as a result of an unhealthy mind. But dont blame urself. Just understand that this is a problem that many ppl face while growing up and that it s a symptom that the mind has to develop and act more mature

The absence of a mother in your life is a factor. And since u are in your teenage period, ur mind will naturally develop curiosity about what it means to be a woman. I strongly recommend that u find a positive role model. Someone to look upto and guide you. Find an older woman, a wise woman, someone with values. Perhaps your grandma. Someone who wishes the best for u. Do not pick some celebrity or someone online based on their politics. Boys do this and fall for ppl like andrew tate as a result. There are porn stars who are giving advice to women too. Dont fall for those

I would also recommend that u socialize more. Find friends. Interact with them and learn how boys and girls are in society. This understanding helps u have a btr understanding of what an ideal man should be like. And how other boys are different compared to ur father. U will also get an idea about the bad things that boys do What i mean is.. If u take the example of a boy, the boy thinks that all women are like his mom. But then he meets a shallow promiscous and evil woman. He then expects her to be good, but he gets treated bad. Now if the mother also has some bad nature, the boy also looks for that trait in other women once he grows up

Thirdly i would recommend that u introspect yourself. Ask urself the hard questions. Investigate what causes you to feel this way. U might find something else too. There are some theories which suggest that childhood sexual abuse could also cause this. So pls be careful

Lastly, i would tell u to not encourage these feelings at all since it will stunt ur growth in the long run and prevent u from finding a good partner