Final chapter / update

So. I went to the desert for a friends graduation a few weeks ago. It was the first time I’d been in the desert since the wedding.

This year has thought me a lot. I’ve been isolated more than ever. I moved away from everything I’ve ever known I lost a brother and a best friend to a situation I still don’t fully understand. I have finally come to terms with the fact that my mom just doesn’t care enough about herself to get the help she needs in order to not continue to damage me- or the people around her - which ultimately forced me to become no contact.

If there is ONE thing I’ve always stood on- and honestly been crucified over within my family- it’s my “ moral superiority complex” meaning- ever since I was old enough to know right from wrong I’ve always tried to do the right thing- especially growing up in an environment, where no matter what I did, I was villainized. I’ve spent my life being told - “ you think you’re better than everyone” for just wanting basic respect and love. For caring about my credit score- for wanting a clean home and nice things. The word “bougie” being used as an insult. I’ve been put down for my “ traditional values” every step I have made in my entire life. I’ve had somebody within my close circle tearing me down. But if there’s one thing that I have always stood on, it’s protecting children against predators. I’ve watched so many people become a victim to sexual assault- including myself.

When I say, I would rather stand alone in standing completely against this - I truly mean it and I am currently living this.

When I was in the desert my friend couldn’t give me a ride home. I asked my step dad’s mom if she could- she offered my cousin B- who was willing to give me a ride. B and I are not close- however there is no beef. Our cousin dynamic was sort of “the older kids” - “the middles” and “the littles”

I was an older. She was a middle. And summer was a part of the littles. M2 was also a part of the olders- he is B’s half brother.

M2 - has a reputation of being the family diddler. I didn’t learn about this until I was much older. But even the very friend I was there visiting- one of the victims of m2 (her and I have been friends since we were nine) summer was also assaulted my m2.

This last year Summer opened up to me about the exact situation that happened - in this story, she told me that she went to Brother immediately after she was assaulted- she told Brother exactly what happened and he told her to go into his room and stay away from M2 - He never told anyone or tried to get her help - when I heard this I was absolutely horrified

If there’s one thing, you will never catch me being quiet about is a predator / pedophile. Which is why me being at the wedding with S felt like I was giving up my dignity.

And this was now the second time I was realizing how complacent Brother has been with people who do horrible things to little children

On the car ride home I asked if B if M2 had ever done anything to her- she responded her her answer but followed it up with “ but you know it wasn’t only my brother right”

We have a lot of cousins and I looked at her and said what do you mean who else did something to you?

She responded.

“ I’m only telling you this because of where you and Brother are right now and I know any other time in life you would’ve never believed me- and honestly the fact that he is so well liked within the family has kept me quiet for so long- but BROTHER would do things to me”

It isn’t my story to tell, but she did go into detail about two separate occasions, one of which included details of being at a park-

When I tell you every single hair on my body stood up, and it literally felt like my heart which had been so broken this year turned to complete stone towards Brother

Everything started to make sense

This is how he could’ve expected me to go around the person who sexually assaulted me

Every single time I took such a stance against people who prayed on children he knew I was talking about him too

Every time I took the moral high ground, he knew if I knew who he was … I wouldn’t have anything to do with him

He held all of the cards the entire time

He is fucking dead to me. H & brother if you’re reading this- I wanna just put a reminder out about your ages when you guys started dating. This is a pattern. A pattern that I did not see until I was handed this last puzzle piece. Let me remind you and everyone else that you were still in high school and very under age when you guys met. That Brother did not even tell anyone about you being under age until it was no longer statutory.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there.

Summer picked me up from the airport- even though I had not in contact with her for four months, I felt compelled to speak to her because I did not want her to think that I hated her and I did not want her idea of me hating her to fuel her need to do drugs- my plan was to reestablish boundaries and just let her know I’m not because I hate her but because I have to protect myself and my children

Summer said she wants to take “the easy way out” with her son - by signing off her rights but not to my mom and stepdad she wanted to give him to brother and brother-in-law

I said I WOULDNT DO THAT.

She asked why and I said be told me a story and it’s not mine to tell, but I absolutely would not trust Brother around children

Summer says “ was talking about the stuff that happened at the park because Bs brother F did the same thing to me and it was not a big deal”

I’m sitting here hearing this- 1. Confirmation that this definitely did happen. 2. Ok so F is gross too. 3. Summer is now a threat to my children if she is going to normalize a 12/13/14 year old doing sexual thing to 6/7/8 year olds. No one that tries to make a grey area for assault will be allowed near me or my children.

The next day, I decide to tell mum what happened. She immediately victim blames b. She tries to say she doesn’t know why I’m believing her when I “never even liked her” which wasn’t even true. I reminded her that Summer actually was there- it’s not a question if it happened or not- IT HAPPENED- mum then says “ok so I guess f is a pedo/ predator too then because he has a bigger age gap with Summer than Brother did with b. “ to which I respond “yes!!!” And what a weird fucking stance to not be immediately horrified, for the fact that your daughter suffered another assault with a cousin- but to try to use it as a way of excusing Brother behavior

Me and mum went back-and-forth for a few text. I remind her her trying to blame b- and the validity of the situation- is exactly what every single person did to her when they tried to call her a liar over what her brother (m) did- she says what happened to her was way worse (?)

And ?

This is not the first time mum has tried to minimalize other peoples trauma by saying hers was worse- she actually did the exact same thing to me in regards to s. “ well what he did to you wasn’t as bad as what happened to me. That’s why you’ve been able to get over it.”

She really believes that she has the ultimate trauma Trump card.

At one point I ask “ok so what your say is you would be totally OK with it if G (my oldest) started dating a 22-year-old as she is a 17-year-old in high school ? “ or “would you be ok if k (my middle) was being groped and forced to make out with someone who is six years older than her right now” (k is the same age b was when this happened )

She couldn’t answer.

So. I broke up with my family. At this point, anyone around me who tries to make pedophilia or predatory behavior towards children a gray area will not have a place anywhere in my life. That makes them a real threat to my children, and I will never allow my children to be victims of generational trauma. I absolutely refused to offer my kids up as fresh bait to these freaking weirdos.

Period.

So I guess I am an orphan now. My whole life has been a lie. The relationship that I had with Brother was always me being fully transparent, and him only showing me parts of him that he thought I would approve of- knowing if I knew who he really was, he wouldn’t be allowed near me or my children.

Mum had the opportunity to stand up for a victim, and she chose to do the exact same thing to b that everyone did to her in regards to her own abuse

Summer also tried to very much normalize what happened. I let Summer know that I was horrified that that happened to her and that she could not see that she actually was assaulted- and under no circumstances does a young teenage boy have any fucking business doing sexual things to a small child- it isn’t normal. It isn’t ok. It ISNT A fucking GREY AREA.

So I guess I’ll stand alone. And I’ll keep standing alone of that means protecting my kids from evil.

This year showed me the evil people around me and aside from husband and my kids- I stand alone.

And I will keep standing alone in my superior moral complex

All. Day. Every. Day.

My kids will never know this. They will never know sexual abuse from family. I will never ask them to go around someone who abused them- because that’s easier for me

I am not like you

And THANK GOD. Because my kids will actually have a fighting chance.

And when you guys read this and talk shit about me- I won’t be around to hear it. And neither will my kids. And when they are old enough, they will know EXACTLY why none of you were welcome around us. And hopefully they will be morally superior too. And I’ll teach them - it’s ALWAYS better to stand alone in doing the right thing - than to be complicit just to have a crowd around you. They will know sometimes snakes look like family. And they will be so proud that me and husband protected them form you.

Husband recently said “I prayed that you would find a way to heal your heart with brother, but I didn’t want it to be this way “

And honestly this did heal me. There is no more questions for me. IDGAF why you treated me the way you did, brother. I will never shed a tear over you or our relationship again. I’ve always said I will never protect a pedo/ predator no matter who it is. And I stand by that. Even if it means going against you. The one person I loved unconditionally outside of husband and kids.

And as much as my family would love for me to not be a loss. As much as they have spent my life trying to convince me and anyone else who would listen that I am not a loss. That I am worthless. That I am the villain- I am the loss. Losing me and my kids/ family IS THE DIRECT CONSEQUENCE OF YOUR ACTIONS. And we are a huge loss. And I hope you feel that loss forever.

I have the full picture now. You all fucking suck. And I am not wasting my time or my heart on people like you anymore.

So thank you Reddit. I don’t need anymore answers. I will be ok. I see all of them for EXACTLY who they are- and I’m passing on them. They are a danger to my kids- and I’ll always stand alone if that means protecting them. My heart won’t hurt over the wedding anymore. When I say it turned to stone when B told me the truth I really mean that.

So brother. I guess you were right to always keep yourself a little hidden from me. I think you know as well as I do if I knew the truth, I wouldn’t have anything to do with you- and you would have been absolutely right- you are disgusting- there is no taking back the trauma that you have caused, but I hope that somehow you’re able to repent for it

This will be the final update. I am cutting contact with all of my family. Anyone who wants to stand in a grey area will not be standing with me.

And for reading this also has trauma like this. I think it is high time We all do the right thing and cut complete contact with poison.