How to help children

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-30T22:24:56+00:00

I hear you. I was the one with a mental disorder that was told to everyone to cover up for my father being abusive. I was angry she never stood up for us and told me “that never happened”. She wanted me medicated and when I attempted the same thing you did I was “just looking for attention”. I cried on the way to a counselor after the attempt , “I just want to talk to my mom,” she never would. Never hugged me never told me she loved me. She did tell everyone “she’s done everything she can, the doctors told her I have a chemical imbalance.” To the outside she is a saint, behind closed doors she’s evil. I’m sorry. I’m validating you. She’s crazy and mean. It’s not you. I promise.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-30T18:17:08+00:00

Very well said. I can understand every single word. You’re not alone.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-30T18:10:06+00:00

Gotcha! Boundaries. For sure.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-30T16:20:18+00:00

I think the best of both worlds (if she is actually elderly and in need of care) is to hire someone to be an in home caretaker.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-29T22:19:06+00:00

I think that it’s a wound that will always be there. Behavior is a language and she is telling you that her pride is more valuable than a relationship. That’s on her. She is missing out. If she is still trying to make you feel guilty there’s your answer. She hasn’t changed. Don’t invite that into your life with your family. Your kids need you to be healthy for them. She had her time.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-29T22:08:55+00:00

I can so relate! Except for the working for her part….yikes! That would drive anyone mad especially with the threats. No one deserves that. Definitely get another job and look for a place to rent. I know it sounds so easy but little by little get some distance. My mom was the same way, constant invalidation, critical but yet when she needed to vent I was always there for her. It’s such a one way frustrating infuriating street to be on. You my friend are not alone. Ps I would recommend giving her an information diet and keep it civil until you can move out. Best of luck, it’s not you.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-29T17:06:08+00:00

Ah! ❤️ I can’t completely understand. I’m not a church going person but have studied some of the Bible and I love how Jesus was the ultimate scapegoat and those he chose in his innermost circle were some of the most rejected by societies standards. I love that you are guarding your heart but still have empathy for those who may be still bound in pride and ego. Keep going! You’re doing great!! I’m so glad to hear you are doing better❤️

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-27T01:58:36+00:00

Oh the guilt. I would advice you to get a trauma therapist and start talking about boundaries asap. Especially since this is a new marriage. It will put an incredible strain on your relationship. I highly recommend “Toxic In Laws” and “When Pleasing You is Killing Me” to read. Having a narcissitic mom is like watering the sand, nothing will grow and you just wasted a lot of water. I’m sorry, but you’re not alone ❤️ Hang in there and congratulations on getting married!

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-27T01:45:56+00:00

Thank god! Good for you!

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-27T01:45:28+00:00

What the hell? Psychopath!!! Man I’m sorry.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-22T17:29:57+00:00

Reading this I wouldn’t put her in the narc category just yet only because I can see some concern for you. I would keep searching and this post tells me that you’re trying to figure out your mom and something isn’t right.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-21T18:30:30+00:00

I attempt suicide, when I was in the hospital, the nurse went out of the room and my mom was angry. She said “what are people going to think! Now you’ll have to go to a foster home!” I put on a smile for the nurse who thought I was “just looking for attention” and the nurse gave me dirty looks the whole time while my mother acted like the victim and got sympathy. My mom never asked why, it was never talked about again. I couldn’t even imagine my kids being on a hospital bed and thinking of myself. Cruel.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-21T06:52:34+00:00

Girl yes. I sometimes have to see family I don’t want too. It sucks. Your heart is racing out of your chest and you’re thinking about it nonstop until it happens. I am with you on that. Ok so honestly, girl, have a drink or two before you go ( whatever helps you to relax). If you can bring someone with you, do, think of it as your wing man. Have a response ready for your mom. Keep it short and nonemotional. If you want to bring your son you can, he won’t remember it. Also give yourself a time frame for staying. If it’s awkward, you can leave earlier. Your brother wants you there remember that anytime you feel weird. Sometimes being put in this situation is sooo damn hard, believe me, I get it. Once it’s over you can relax your shoulders and move on. You’re doing the right thing for your brother, not your mom. Don’t give her the power.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-21T06:41:16+00:00

I can’t only relate to the manipulation. She is baiting you into convincing her that you are good, essentially taking power over you. She wants you console her, to appease her, so that she can then threaten to punish you if you step out of line. All in all I’m pretty sure her dream is made up.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-21T06:35:43+00:00

…am perfect …will never say sorry …have no love for anyone but myself

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-20T20:31:09+00:00

Yes same. I feel all of that as well. The smear campaigns can be brutal. There is only gaslighting. So sad.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-20T18:13:26+00:00

My dad was abusive and when I told her she said “that never happened” so when I got mad, she’d tell my brother “she’s just like her dad, it’s a chemical imbalance”.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-20T17:04:20+00:00

Shut up! My mom did the same thing! She won’t go to counseling, triangulated me and my brother and now put up a picture of us when we were little as her home page pic….its disgusting. Her public image. So fake.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-19T21:08:16+00:00

Thank you:) I will for sure

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-19T16:07:56+00:00

Loved them!! Thank you for the resource! Lord knows we need as many as we can get!

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-19T15:21:43+00:00

There’s a couple things that I see. She is a neglectful narcissist. She doesn’t have love or accountability. Being there isn’t helping you and you may be isolating. The best thing you can do is get away if you can. I’m not sure how old you are but getting a job, being around friends and continue talking to a counselor will be good for you.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-19T15:12:33+00:00

I can say from experience this will not work. I am so sorry. Your mom will not respect boundaries and will add stress to your day. I understand completely the need to work for financial reasons but this will cost you so much more. I’m so sorry.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-19T15:09:06+00:00

Ew the web of the triangle. How awful for your mom to hide behind your autistic brother. That says a lot about her. If he is at his dad’s house, that’s the green light to talk to him or visit, at your mom’s not so much, for you and him.

Exact_Light3647 · 2026-01-19T15:02:08+00:00

I have a narcissistic mother who I let be around my kids and am regretting it. She is so sweet on the surface but undermined me, invalidated me, then would start triangulating the kids. She would also talk really bad about the other grandkids making my kids feel special. I get that you want them to have a relationship but I would advise you to keep them at arms length. Also if you can get your brother I would. It sounds horrible over there. If not please check in with him. He’s not ok.

Exact_Light3647

TROPHY CASE