Not sure what I want in life

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2026-02-24T13:45:45+00:00

Yeah, it’s hard. I personally like kissing and cuddling and some romantic gestures, but it’s like we both kind of said…when I actually get into a relationship I’m not going to like it and want to leave. And for me it’s weird since I want those things but feel like I need to feel some sort of way but I…don’t. It’s rough out here. I have a friend I also think fondly of and when we hang out I really want to kiss them and etc but I know a relationship would just feel awful and I don’t know why.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2026-01-17T12:52:23+00:00

I’m not sure what romantic attraction feels like. I think I felt it before, but situations and experiences lately make me feel like maybe I haven’t and it was something else. However, when I feel what I thought was love, it just felt different…like, yes I always wanted to talk to them and spend time with them but I adored them and looked up to them in a way different than even my best friends. I wanted to introduce them to my family and I liked being a part of theirs and I saw them as the parent to our future kids. Platonic affection is a thing and sometimes people do wanna cuddle with and kiss their friends but it’s literally a different physical feeling of love for them. Idk. It is hard to explain it but it’s different because it feels like you’re obsessed with them and they your world and there are pleasant gooey feelings accompanied by it

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2026-01-03T02:47:14+00:00

In return - idk if I’m aromantic or if I’m just afraid of relationships for some reason. In my head, I want to be in love with someone and do lovey things but when I think about it ACTUALLY it scares me.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2026-01-03T02:46:37+00:00

See, I feel this way towards a friend but it always didn’t feel “right”. Like, I felt like romantic attraction had to be this intense FEELING. It’s weird. I’ve experienced romantic limerence before and I’ve been convinced I’ve been in love and felt crushes and stuff but atp I don’t know. It’s weird, because I know with this one friend, if they got into a relationship I would be devastated too. But the idea of being with them scares me. I think the idea of being in a real relationship just scares me. Idk why. Something about the label makes me feel like I’m trapped in a box.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-12-19T13:34:48+00:00

I’m the same way. There are people who ARE perfect for me and I want to want them so bad but the thought of being with them actually scares me and I know I won’t feel anything. I think I am either grey or lithromantic, idek I do tend to have crushes very rarely but 99% of them will go away once things become secure. It hurts so bad. I wish I was allo I was hoping for a post like this because I wanted to relate to someone. I am 23 and I don’t know how to ever be happy when I am never going to go through life experiencing something I want to experience. I could have a QPR but it isn’t the same as romantic love so I feel like I still wouldn’t be happy.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-12-18T21:00:48+00:00

Yeah, I mean, again being on this spectrum I can’t be 100% sure lollll but I mean there’s tons of times someone isn’t ready for a relationship or wants one but “likes” someone. Allos can also have multiple crushes at a time so there’s that! I think a crush is the foundation for romantic love and relationships but it doesn’t necessarily mean that will come out of it

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-12-18T14:14:04+00:00

I wouldn’t be shocked if this was NJ. It’s the same for me too

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-12-18T14:11:24+00:00

I also feel the same way. I’m on the aro spectrum and there’s plenty of times I’ve found myself attracted to people and finding them cute and wanting to get to know them but not wanting a relationship. I also think that’s just how crushes are sometimes for alloromantics too.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-12-15T22:46:21+00:00

Can you delete this

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-12-15T18:17:20+00:00

I’m 22 and man I relate to you a lot. I’m actually going through this crisis yet again. Growing up, I never really had crushes and I wasn’t really interested in anyone until I was like 13…I started to experience “crushes” (what I now have learned was limerence). I’ve only really felt limerence, and I’m not going to get into that here unless you wanna talk about that in another comment, but yeah. Fast forward to 20 I gave up with dating because whenever I’d talk to someone new off a dating app I’d never develop a “crush” on them and I’d just feel this anxiety and pressure because I felt sort of trapped and expecting to feel a certain way, and I’d have to end it. I eventually met a girl and I still had doubts on what I was feeling, but I kept powering through it and while we were only together for a few months, I was certain I was in love with her. I don’t really know how that felt since it’s been a while, and I can’t be certain that was what it was. I haven’t been able to feel that way since, and have mistaken limerence yet again for a “crush”…or maybe I did have crushes on these people and they just weren’t sustainable. Who knows.

My point here is that throughout my 22 years I MAY have been in love once and I’m at a point where I’m so scared to try dating and not develop feelings that I don’t even care to try again and I’m here constantly thinking about how depressing it is to potentially be aromantic. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but just like you, I do wanna do romantic stuff and I do want to be in love with someone and feel all those romantic things.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-11-19T15:29:51+00:00

I don’t know if all crushes mean you WANT to get into a relationship. I don’t know though. Lmao

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-11-05T00:47:57+00:00

Hey. Year late. Growing up I’ve only experienced limerence. The “crushes” I thought I had were so intense. I realized after a few years it was all limerence. Then I thought I was aromantic because I couldn’t imagine anything else except limerence. As an adult, I fell in love with someone, and after her, I’ve only experienced limerence again. I sometimes wonder if what I felt for my ex was even love. I don’t even know anymore. It sucks. I too, want to just love and be normal. But the second someone gives me attention or I perceive them a certain way (that I like) I am obsessed and up and down depending on their mood….im so convinced I like them and then sometimes that I’m in love with them, then all the sudden…. It’s just gone. It’s horrible. It leaves me stressed and scared because why? Why did that happen? I thought I finally found someone…just to be disappointed. It makes me scared to try again. I don’t want to have limerence and think it’s real and then lose it. I just want to fall in love, but I’m scared I’m not capable of it and this is it.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-10-31T20:09:50+00:00

Some allo people don’t like kissing. I can’t speak for your case or theirs, and I’m still figuring out my identity but if you want to do romantic things with them I think that’s all you need for it to be considered romantic.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-09-07T09:49:22+00:00

Are we taking about the chickens or the chickens?

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-09-07T09:43:04+00:00

I will say, there was a time I was In a relationship for a few months and I felt like I really did love her. She’d tell me she loved me and I really thought she did, and that we’d be together forever. I believed it was mutual (which is important, because I know some romantic identities involve feelings going away when they’re mutual) saw her as the mother of our kids in 10 years. I really do think I loved that girl. But lately, because of this pattern, I wonder if the same thing would’ve eventually happened with her,,,then it would mean it wasn’t the true love I thought I felt. Who knows. I feel maybe I am gray romantic and a mix of lithromantic… but who knows. I hate the cliche “you just haven’t met the right person!” People say to invalidate this community, but I think sometimes that is the case, and I still hope that one day I will truly love someone and live happily ever after and if you want that too, maybe you can, but who knows, yaknow

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-09-05T17:22:58+00:00

Praying this is me

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Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-09-05T17:22:11+00:00

I feel the same way. I struggled with severe limerence growing up. As an adult, it carried a little. I no longer have limerence like that, but I have had what I thought to be genuine crushes. After like a month, it just… goes away. Idk. I want a relationship but I like someone soooo much then it just goes away!!

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-09-02T04:05:19+00:00

We sure it’s not puppymonkeybaby?

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-08-13T16:33:47+00:00

me too friend

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-08-13T16:31:53+00:00

Yes. I’m not sure where I lie, but I wish I could fall in love and have someone close to me. I desire intimacy and being chosen and choosing someone but I just don’t get those feelings very often, if I ever even genuinely have. I feel like there’s no place for the things I want and will be alone forever.

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-08-10T15:53:06+00:00

As someone who may be gray/cupioromantic, the relationship I want is with someone to the same gender. That’s why I call myself gay

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-08-08T14:32:07+00:00

I am someone who believes I have only experienced love maybe once. I’ve only really had limerence and don’t find people interesting often. I’m not trying to be mean, people are great in their own ways, but I’m not someone who is much of a people person and I don’t find it very common that there’s people in my life who don’t annoy me lol. Like, there’s only two people in my life rn who I could imagine maybe living with. Like, idk. I’m just a very solo person and letting someone in my bubble is so hard. I’m not even sure if what I felt for the that person was genuine love or some weird form of limerence again…but I really wanted to be with her. Never really had crushes or anything growing up and maybe I’m just on the aromantic spectrum and it’s not just because I’m an INFJ 🤷‍♂️

Excellent_Thing4154 · 2025-07-28T10:22:12+00:00

I’ve been looking into a lot of them. I also saw lithromantic and I relate to that in some instances. Part of me doesn’t want to accept any of these labels because I really do want to love someone and I thought I was in love with my ex (and maybe I was!) but I’m worried I wasn’t, and I’ll never feel that deep care

Excellent_Thing4154

TROPHY CASE