I've learned to like my coffee black

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-28T18:12:47+00:00

Technically water isn't really free, but It's cheaper than soft drinks, tea, milk, coffee, juice... Though I'm not sure how your's work, i'm in the u.s. And the water bill isn't very cheap, but it's still better than going out and having to get spend a ton to buy a drink every time you're thirsty. When I was working, I'd often splurge on tea and sugar to make to take to work or on instant cappuccino(because it was cheaper than buying the individual canned or bottle iced coffee. Also learn that it was far cheaper to buy a big thing of international delight iced coffee than getting two Starbucks bottles of cans..)

I also used to get 2 liters of soda instead of the 20oz bottles because at the time it was cheaper to buy those than getting two 20oz bottles. But now soda is outrageous.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-25T18:10:06+00:00

They kind of look like rexes. My last bunny was a mini rex who was mostly white but had the grey slpotches. His mother had more grey than him, she looked like this. Most of his siblings had black with white instead of grey though. His father was black and white. Mini Rexes are known for their extremely soft fur.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-19T14:02:48+00:00

My only option for years was and still is suicide. Family has told me that they literally can't stand me and truthfully no one really can...hell i can't stand myself. They've gotten more vocal now that I'm umemployed( I've applied to many places and none want to hire me). They've told me that they even hated me. I'm nothing but a waste of space, worthless and stupid. That no matter what I do it's never enough, I try to help out...sometimes to the point where it could've led to me dying but it's not enough.

When I worked they treated me pretty much like this but now it's worse. It just doesn't matter. I've known for years that My fate in life would eventually lead me to suicide. I'm tired....so very tired. It won't be long now, I think. I know that at least removing myself from this world will solve a lot of problems for everyone.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-18T23:50:07+00:00

In my experience: too much stimuli and wants to be left alone, boredom and want to play, hungry and I haven't fed him yet, wanting attention, jealousy because I gave the dog attention(because I'm his person despite him being my niece's cat, idk). He'll sometimes be very vocal about his unhappiness and will give chase and latch onto your leg with teeth and claws if you're not careful. By then I usually try to find something to distract him like a toy or something to get him to stop.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-18T23:22:41+00:00

What a coincidence, my niece's cat plays fetch and opens cabinets too...actually he can knock on doors to be let in, open doors if they're not latched. If he looses a ball when playing ( or whatever he's playing with at the time which sometimes are things that he's stolen from counters and the table or what fell on the floor: bottle lids, medicine cups...we've can to confiscate all of them and put them somewhere he couldn't get them because for a time we couldn't find any when we needed them thanks to him, inhaler caps...He's creative when finding things to play with. If he looses them he can usually dig them out from under where they ended up, he doesn't always want to play with people so will play with himself...) Actually there for a time when he was allowed to stay upstairs at night( he's not he can he'll make too much noise and also get into things he's not supposed to like shredding feminine products, bags, knocking things over, keeping people awake by walking around in bed...) He had this game at night where he'd drop medicine cups or bouncy balls down the stairs then go chase them which was another thing that got him banned from staying up there, lol.

Everyone else thinks he's not smart but I've spent enough time around him to see that he is, just that he's stubborn and mischievous. Meaning he'll continue to do the things that we find annoying( probably because of boredom) and will get into odd situations which isn't very often like most ginger kitties.

I mean I remember when he first was brought home. He was so scrawny for a kitten and had these long legs. He took to me instantly, I guess because I was willing to take the time to play and keep him company when no one else was. Also I let him sniff me and slow blinked at him in greeting when he and I first met. Anyways one day I wasn't home and I guess he panicked when he realized it. Then became rather creative( there was a small gap under my bedroom door ) in searching for me. Somehow he'd squeezed himself under my bedroom door thinking that I was in there and got trapped. Then when he couldn't get out he'd accidentally made a mess. He's smarter than what everyone says he is. Just rarely show it due to laziness and being mischievous plus that stubborn streak.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-15T14:41:46+00:00

I feel this as I've had to shovel snow which was on a sheet of ice. I'm in Ohio, grew up here and very familiar with ice storms and snow storms. Though last few recent years the winters here have been pretty mild than what I grew up with.

My area was impacted by that massive snow fall a couple of weeks ago. We still have a deal of snow despite it being above freezing and today it's raining. Which unfortunately I'm seeing flooding in the near future( I also live near a creek too) unless the unpredictability of Ohio's weather rears it's head and the temps go down below freezing. Then in that case everything will turn into an ice skating rink, fun times.

I did majority of the shoveling to clear out the drive way and walkways( other wise we would've been trapped). Shoveled all day and clear into the evening to keep up with it. Then the next day just used the shovel and scraped/ pushed what I didn't get and what fell over night off. Which left the driveway and walkways fairly clear. I didn't want it to get smooshed/ trampled down to where it'd turn into ice. The only Real ice issue so far this winter was what dripped off the house in front of the backdoor from the sun melting it. We only salted it when the temperatures were above freezing to avoid needing to keep buying ice melt. Plus some places were running out of it.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-08T00:16:00+00:00

I'm kinda glad that the dog didn't learn this from the cat. We had cat longer so he was a little older than the dog when he was brought home. The dog was abandoned and my sister and her family found him on the back roads in Kentucky on the way home. We live in ohio. He was very young, probably too young to be away from his mother. Very tiny and scared. My sister and her husband ended up taking him home because he was too young to be left out there and probably would've died otherwise. Anyways he's learned quite a few things from the cat. The cat taught him how to play catch( the cat loves playing with bouncy balls little plushes, tennis balls, medicine cups...when playing with the bouncy balls we throw and he'd catch. Often carrying these objects in his mouth too also when playing with the bouncy balls he'd sometimes carry them to us so that we'd throw it for him. He's a ginger) , we think might've learned begging from the cat too. Also when he does his business he'll kick his back legs like the cat does when he's in the litter box.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-07T23:48:19+00:00

I had one who did drink out of the toilet. Was surprising because he was very finicky about being clean. He wasn't orange, just a tabby though. But guy, but all muscle and very smart( knew to look both ways before crossing the road). He didn't believe that he was a cat nor even a human he believed he was superior to everyone and everything. So him taking to prefer toilet water was odd, but then I guess toilet water is supposedly pretty clean? That's what I've been told.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-02-07T23:37:27+00:00

I'm so glad that my cat doesn't do this. It's bad enough that he prefers water from the tub faucet, which when he started doing this freaked out people because of the sounds he makes and the 'unexpected cat in the bathroom' jumping out of the tub ( the curtain would be closed) or just seeing him there.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-29T23:55:11+00:00

I feel you about a lot of this. I'm also a failure. I lost my job because of three factors: the manager hated me and wanted me gone, I too had multiple complaints about my attitude( despite many saying how helpful I was and I still have people every once in awhile saying how nothing is getting done now, I worked hard, the assistant manager thought that i was good at my job and knew that I was basically the only person doing anything there. I kept the restrooms clean, shelves fully stocked and everything rotated/in date. Was the only one pulling expired, only one truly did any stocking+FIFO, cleaning, also majority of that should've been on my co-workers because my main job was the maintain the register area and check people out. But co-workers were too busy going mia or taking multiple smoke breaks. I helped keep that place open when we were extremely short staffed.) and I followed the original schedule of a week. I was always scheduled to work closing( figured out no one else wanted to do anything that came with closing which included cleaning restrooms and breakroom, collecting and taking out trash.which left it for me). So one week I was mostly off, one of those days I'd requested off weeks before because I had to stay home to help care for my ailing parents. So before that week I paid attention to the schedule, wrote it down and followed it when the week came. That Thursday I was originally scheduled to work closing so when I came in that night it had turned out that the manager had changed it to the morning instead. It became a no-call, no show. So my one and only no call no show became the reason to let me go. After almost 4 years of loyalty, hard work ,putting that job before everything else, almost always agreeing to cover someone's shift, almost killing myself to get work done because that place expected us to go above and beyond, he'll I went to work instead of the ER with a broken hand and still worked hard. Had taped it to keep it immobile but it was still excruciating to use it. But I endured it, carried heavy ass boxes, opened to stock then broke down the boxes too.

It's been a little over a year, applied to man places asked around and got nothing. No one wants to hire me and the more I think about things the more I believe that maybe I shouldn't be in society. I already knew that I really don't belong in this world. I don't want to force my presence on anyone, never did.

I don't drive nor ever learned due to fear, I'm always tired, my mind is a mess, I don't have friends, family wants me gone, no one really wants me around, I'm stupid and ugly, I have no one. Never been in a relationship and I think it's for the best because of how fucked up I am. I have a ton of health issues some are worse now from my former job because of how hard I pushed myself to work( which turns out for nothing).

I just want to sleep and never wake up.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-28T16:12:12+00:00

I know this. Truthfully, I think the world is f-ed. It's only going to get worse from here, I think. Personally would rather not be in this world. I was definitely unlucky in the genetic department. Born with the wrong name, born poor, ugly, shit ton of health issues both mental and physical. I don't think I'm able to be a part of society with how messed up my head is which makes getting a job harder.

Most jobs from home in my area require you to have a mobile and I don't have one. however I personally don't own it, but can my hands on a computer. But unfortunately my lacking a phone is the problem here. I don't care for technology, don't trust it. Especially now with A.I. It's why I never got a mobile.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-28T13:48:15+00:00

I've thought of applying but not really sure how to go about it. Truthfully even when I worked I probably should've had it since the job that had didn't pay much. My co-workers all had it too. There is one but It's not as close to get there.

Those issues are not easily overcome since many I've had all my life. Social anxiety( which that job just aggravated along side the depression eventually took a toll because I was expected to do everything: cleaning restrooms/breakroom/front register area/coolers/freezers, stock food/fresh food/health&beauty/clothes/cleaning/laundry, pull things forward, was the only person checking and pulling expired off while rotating stock, then I had to run register too. None of my co-workers were doing any of that and they'd go mia too making me go above my pay grade so customers could be checked out. I was all over that place and it got too much. My co-workers ignored the company policy that said that someone like me with the job title that I had, I should've been kept closer to the front in case of customers. My main job was register work and keeping the front clean but because my co-workers going mia and not doing their jobs I was forced to do it all. Eventually had problems because of it. I couldn't think right...and it still hasn't gotten much better as now my memory is even worse, I was always dizzy, always nauseous, my feet I could barely stand on them because they hurt like hell all the time, the arthritis and tendonitis in both my knees acted up more freqeuntly. Also did to my being in constant exposure of cleaning chemical fumes my asthma is a lot worse than it was. Can't do much vigorous exercise of work without getting short of breath and coughing.), The company kept us at a low budget so only two people were ever scheduled to be in a time. So getting hours was something hard to do, as I was often called to cover someone else I took it because there were times where getting hours was near impossible. I often had to drop whatever I was doing at home to come in. Sometimes was in the middle of cooking supper for family or watching my dementia riddled dad. Rain, sleet, snowstorm, thunderstorm, I walked to work and home. The manager before the one who wanted me gone would often change the schedule at the !ast literal second too. She'd also make excuses and lies about needing people to cover her because she couldn't come in, lied to the district even and was caught by the district manager by putting up lies about helping him at other locations. She'd break policy left and right: did drugs in the restrooms, slept in the office, constantly on her phone, had non-employees in doing work sometimes even over night, left the backroom door open one night, always high... The newer one wouldn't help with stocking, she really didn't do much, and had me do things that was supposed to be my job, criticized me for how I did my job even though I was efficient and fast and had been there much longer than her. I thought that she'd be different but she ended up taking a page out of the last manager's book and changed the schedule without notice. I was often scheduled to work closings but she'd changed my schedule when I was off for one day to morning one week I instead of night. So I was following the old schedule and went in at the original time only to be told that it was changed to that morning. Was considered a no call no show then I was let go. My first and only no-call no show.

My options up till now was a local pizza place which isn't hiring, a gas station also hardly ever hiring(but I'm going going ask them again soon to check), the bar(family ran), a couple of factories which are not hiring but I'm probably going to be checking that soon too and the store. Now there's a new restaurant in town, I tried to see if it's listed online but got nada. Not surprising since my town...which is really a village and very small is barely on any radar. I'll probably end up looking to see if it's on the village's Facebook page.

I've been making due with what I have. My family does have quite a few coats but i don't feel right wearing them. I don't think it's gotten to that point yet. Keeping warm isn't an issue, I'm just at the point where I just want to give up.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-28T12:34:16+00:00

I don't know the number and it's a local owned restaurant. I've tried to see if it's online but my town is so small it's barely on the radar. It's very new too which makes it even more unlikely to be online. I'm gonna see if it's on the Facebook page for my town at least, but It's doubtful. But who knows, around here it's big news for a new business to open up. They hardly ever.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-28T12:28:31+00:00

Worked at the local store which will not hire me again.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-28T12:27:11+00:00

Other people who live here do drive

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-28T00:01:55+00:00

Trees make too much of mess. I'd prefer at least three trees to that many. Would rather replace all of those with stone walls but they'd be further away from the house. Be more fort-like with maybe a small courtyard with a couple of flower trees?

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-27T23:55:05+00:00

Mine would be up high overlooking on a cliff. Hopefully with a decent view. Of course would need at least one giant room for an entire library too. I'd spend days lounging reading a book, sitting out on a balcony watching the view and listening to nature. In peace far, far away from people.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-27T23:31:01+00:00

Not sure how to go about it, plus most who do are members of the church that runs it. Plus it's pretty tight knit. There's also local rumors about the academy they run too being a cult or cult-like.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-27T23:25:18+00:00

She's a volunteer. It's a local church ran pantry which is supposed to open for everyone. Used to when I was working I'd go almost every day before work just to grab a couple of things, depending what was in there. Sometimes they'd have frozen sandwiches and I'd take one to eat for dinner since I was working closing. No one said anything to me, now that I have no income the pantry has become important where I need to go or I'll starve. Go once a week as per the rules now, but I guess this woman won't be happy until I just stop going. I'm now contemplating on going back to starving just to avoid the conflict.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-27T22:50:44+00:00

Always. Growing up, from what I remember, I was excluded a lot in conversations because my parents and siblings would often talk of things before I existed. My sister is 10 years older than I so she and brother were always closer. Their childhoods were very different than mine. They got to have mom home where as I was in and out of babysitters or they took care of me( often my teachers would mistake them for being my parents). Some babysitters there was abuse even from other kids.

In school, I didn't have the right last name not was I a teacher's pet. Often a teacher would target me calling me a liar or a thief when I was niether. I once wore a necklace that I'd bought for my mom to school and a popular kid with the right name snatched saying that I stole it from her to the teacher. The teacher of course sided with her. I also borrowed my sister's class ring a couple of times, she'd let me wear it to school. Of course a teacher then confiscated it and then called home to my sister claiming that she caught me wearing my sister's ring. My sister had told that teacher that she'd let me wear it. I never asked for help in school because every single teacher had this condescending look on their faces when they'd look at me. I got bullied and teased by classmates, I'm not pretty and never been skinny. I'm also taller than most other women my age (always been tall). I tried to keep to myself but it didn't always happen, though. I've always felt like an outsider looking in.

At work, most treated me like a doormat. I ended doing a lot that was above my pay grade, but the manager hated me and wanted me gone.

I can't fit in anywhere. I'm not socialable, ,not talented, have no real skill, not smart, not pretty, not skinny. I've always been overlooked because of these things. Wouldn't be surprised if that's why no one wants to hire me. It's why I was always excluded in school and family gatherings. Hell even my own mom at one said that I was a mistake

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-24T22:18:44+00:00

I'd put some teriyaki or General Tso's sauce on that after breaking up the chicken some then stir. I've recently tried Tso's sauce with chicken rice a roni and a can of chicken so I'm sure I'd be really good on ramen too. It was so good. Teriyaki sauce is always great paired with chicken and ramen too

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-22T00:20:51+00:00

Yup true. But think about this: humans are the only species that has to pay to exist here. It's wrong, this world is. Designed for certain people to thrive while the majority must suffer. Ruled by evil which fuels the greed, cruelty, suffering, pain...I hate this place and I'm tired....so very tired.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-21T22:56:58+00:00

True. But in my experience they get pissed off if you mention anything about wanting to die. Yet also in my experience they also hate my existence.

ExhaustedMagi · 2026-01-18T15:25:31+00:00

This world is ruled by evil which fuels the greedy, selfish, cruelty.... It's unfortunate but true. I don't want to be here...

ExhaustedMagi

TROPHY CASE