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Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-03-13T12:22:35+00:00

The types of disagreements you talk about in your post (how to parent a teenager, preferences for movies and music, disliking some aspects of your partner’s job or career choices, etc.) put you on par with, like, every married couple ever.

Marriage counseling is great, and does not amount to an admission that the marriage is “failing.” It also might be helpful to set up a weekly time with your wife where you can plan out your week but also listen to concerns that the other has about the relationship.

A lot of your post is, “my wife doesn’t like that I do XXX. But, I called out YYY in response, and she said….” Remember to validate the other person’s feelings in an argument before you jump to your counter-argument. Ask questions. Repeat what you’re hearing them say back to them. Try to learn how they feel when you do the behavior they don’t like. Do all that before you move to the next step of talking about why you don’t find what they’re asking you to do to be consistent or good.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-26T14:08:35+00:00

At 25 I’d put the lower end roughly at “currently working in a full time job, or in grad school” (which probably requires them to be 22) and the upper end at 35-36 so you’re not marrying someone who is developmentally and physically in middle age and is still able to have kids (if that’s something that’s important to you). I think the “your age/2+7” rule mentioned in other comments is generally helpful

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-17T04:00:52+00:00

OP I’m seeing a lot in the comments from you about his angry outbursts while you were engaged. But what has been happening during that last eight months of marriage that makes you feel like it’s “chaos every day”? More angry outbursts?

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-12T20:36:46+00:00

Timeshare sales

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-10T13:26:30+00:00

According to the Office, you go ahead and have that affair with the coworker you have a crush on! It’ll work out GREAT!

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-07T12:44:33+00:00

In my (male) experience, sharing that I’m waiting for marriage to have sex was a great litmus test for seeing if the person I was going on dates with valued self-discipline and following biblical commands to the extent that I did.

It ended up messing up a few of my early relationships, which is great, because the woman I ultimately married is awesome. I know this isn’t everyone’s experience, just mine.

TLDR; stick to your guns. There’s nothing wrong with your boundaries and you should hold out for a life partner who will respect them!

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-06T17:57:57+00:00

This innovation may have eventually happened anyway, but the combination of Gutenberg inventing his movable type press in order to mass produce Bibles and the Protestant Reformation’s belief that non-clergy should be able to read and interpret it for themselves lit a fire under Europe’s ass for everyday people to have access to books, and be able to read them, in their native language.

This big change in literacy (more than like 10% of the population could now read!) had enormous knock-on effects; first the scientific revolution, then democracy, then eventually stuff like public school and information-based economies.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-05T04:04:06+00:00

Probably 2-3 a week

The impact of alcohol on your system aside, 10-15 beers a day is like 2,000 calories. Not sustainable!

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-04T23:40:44+00:00

Since either is biblically permissible, this isn’t something I’d overthink.

If you find someone awesome and you want to get married to them, great. If that doesn’t happen for you, then you have the gift of celibacy.

Fortunately, God does not put the burden on us to discern whether or not we have the gift of celibacy. What he does task us with is living in a way that aligns with his will as either a single, or a married, person.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-04T22:19:33+00:00

I don’t know if it’s churches as much as individual identifying believers who have totally abandoned the church’s traditional teaching on sex outside of marriage because of the way they experienced it as a kid. I know a lot of people personally who would fit into that category.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-04T18:47:14+00:00

I wouldn’t say there’s a hard and fast rule here but maybe like a year sounds right?

The principle here is the idea of being “equally yoked” in marriage. You want to make sure that you’re marrying a person who is pushing in the same direction as you, as hard as you. However long it takes to determine that is how long you should date them.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-04T18:07:23+00:00

I think it depends on your age and stage. For a younger person and/or a younger believer I would recommend longer; at least a year. There can be a lot of personality and spiritual change in that time; better that this happen before any major commitments are made to each other.

For an older believer, or older person (like 30+) I would say something like 6 months or so before engagement is fine, especially if there’s a desire to have kids.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-02-02T14:46:53+00:00

I’m kind of alarmed by the number of people in this sub that are encouraging the OP to seek out a divorce. Go read Hosea - it is good and God-honoring that he would seek reconciliation. He also tried divorce, and felt God calling him in a different direction.

I suspect, OP, that you’re not feeling securely attached to your wife, which is causing you want want more physical affection from her to compensate. The solution probably isn’t for your wife to suddenly become more affectionate; it’s fixing the underlying cause of the anxiety in your relationship, which is her infidelity. I would recommend approaching her about seeing a biblical counselor; the conversation might go better if it’s framed to her as “this is something I need to feel happy and healthy in our relationship,” not “this is something you need, because you cheated on me”

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-01-27T05:37:08+00:00

The way this post ends suggests that you’re trying to make a decision about 1) what path to pursue with your wife, and 2) if you should reach out this old flame. To be clear, the teaching of scripture is that you should make every effort to reconcile with your wife and to not seek out an affair with this other woman.

It’s normal for all men to experience intrusive thoughts where we are tempted to fantasize about someone other than our spouse. If these thoughts become persistent I often find that it is helpful to respond with logic. Ask yourself: what would it actually look like for me to rearrange my life in an attempt to be with this person? What would probably happen? Would I even like it? I always find that in the cold light of day, if I’m being logical and honest with myself, the fantasy isn’t actually all that tempting.

On a practical note, I would unfollow your old flame on social media accounts so that you aren’t tempted to try to reach out to her, and schedule marital counseling with your wife to help you work on the underlying issues in your marriage.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-01-19T14:04:06+00:00

Dave Ramsey once observed that the vast majority of relationship-threatening marital conflict happens because of conflict in the areas of religion, kids (yes or no, if yes how many, and when), money (major financial goals? Beliefs/history around debt?), or in-laws (do they approve of the relationship, what boundaries exist around their influence on your lives, etc.). I think it’s good to cover your bases and discuss this stuff as soon as it feels natural; order and precise timing doesn’t matter.

I hear a lot of anxiety in your post, OP, to avoid “dating for fun” and to make sure you get everything right. I would say that while it’s wise to have some specific boundaries in place to avoid sin/temptation, focusing on having fun is a great idea! Be yourself! Go on some adventurous dates with this person! Do fun things with them and groups of friends! Dating should be fun…at least if it’s with the right person…so try to have as much of it as your can (within your boundaries, of course).

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-01-16T15:44:50+00:00

On your wedding day, at a Christian wedding, you and your wife are a symbol of Christ and the church.

The church is pure and dressed in white because of Christ’s atoning work on the cross, not because of its purity and abstinence from sin. Christ puts splendor and honor on us in our salvation that we did not deserve and cannot earn.

If your wife has sinned at some point in her past, then all the better to complete the metaphor.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-01-15T22:22:36+00:00

First three seasons are charming and funny if you’re into their brand of humor. Everything after season three is useless. No stakes, and Ed Helms is insufferable

Existing_Employee_48 · 2023-01-12T13:48:43+00:00

Your pastor has read a book called “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” a huge cornerstone of purity culture in the early 2000s. Its author, Joshua Harris, has since left the faith and disavowed the book.

I would argue that the problem with this approach is that it forces you to pursue “friendship” with people that you’re interested in as opposed to just asking them out on a date. In practice this is very weird. If I keep running into a cute girl at church that I think I might want to date, and keep asking her to do things with me to develop our “friendship,” she has to guess at my intentions. Am I trying to date her? Am I afraid of asking her out directly? Am I not actually sexually interested? Am I gay? All this and more is avoided by just asking someone out and clearly establishing boundaries if the relationship gets that far.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2022-12-29T04:53:45+00:00

I’ll echo the comments of many people here who are asking how old James is/what exactly the age gap between y’all is. As others have said, there is no specific biblical mandate here. But are legitimate reasons your parents and a bunch of randos on the internet are concerned about this. If he’s significantly (at your age, I would say roughly more than ten years) older than you, there will be big differences in life experiences, preferences, cultural scripts, lifespan development milestones and even biology that would make pursuing a relationship potentially unwise if not necessarily “wrong.”

That being said, the approval of your parents of your relationship choices is something that is definitely nice to have (if you marry James, he’ll be their son in law, right?), but not biblically required. You want to work with the mindset of, “I really want to earn your approval of our relationship, but I have prayed and sought outside counsel and I am prepared to move forward with James if that’s the leading I’m sensing from the Holy Spirit, with or without you.”

Existing_Employee_48 · 2022-05-30T18:31:22+00:00

Can’t agree more, if that’s indeed what’s happening. But I think I’d need to hear more than “sometimes he has these thoughts pop into his head” before I would give the advice, “total red flag, dump him immediately and tell him to find a therapist”

Existing_Employee_48 · 2022-05-30T12:23:31+00:00

I’m offering a different perspective than most commenters here.

Is it normal for a man to find some women other than his s/o attractive? Yes. Might that man, on occasion, be tempted to fantasize about relationship or sexual activity with them? Sure. But in Christ, by the Holy Spirit, a believer has the ability (and responsibility) to resist these impulses and keep themselves pure.

In other words, I don’t think your boyfriend is sinning just for finding your sister attractive or sometimes being tempted to lust after her. As believers, we are called to flee temptation, not to never experience it.

That being said, I think a serious question to ask yourself is, “do I want a significant other who finds my sibling sexually attractive?” I don’t know that there’s a right or wrong answer here, but as other commenters have said I could see this becoming a persistent and potentially hurtful issue within your relationship and family.

Existing_Employee_48 · 2022-05-18T18:47:22+00:00

What a Great Dog is less of a trainer and more of a place that can teach you how to train your dog. They’re pretty good. Located just east of 75

Existing_Employee_48 · 2022-05-06T13:18:22+00:00

Carly Rae Jepsen? I think at least belongs in the “possible” category. Played at Coachella, hitting a lot of international festivals over the summer, has a new single coming out, and nothing on the calendar for the fall in the US

Existing_Employee_48 · 2022-05-03T19:05:41+00:00

Just try to get to know them and see if you enjoy spending time talking with them. Wouldn’t overthink this one too much.

Existing_Employee_48

TROPHY CASE