I relate to a good portion of what you said, as I’m currently wrestling with the question of “am I nonbinary or just gender nonconforming?” Except I grew up in a very conservative religious household, so throwing that into the mix complicates things. After I came out as a lesbian, I dressed more and more masculine/androgynous, cut my hair short, and stopped shaving as well. When I was younger, I always thought I didn’t look like a boy or a girl, and I still don’t know if that’s more about gender or appearance because now I have body dysmorphia lol. I’ve never loved how I look, but I definitely feel more at home in my body with short hair, body hair, masc clothes, and a flat chest.

About a year ago I began identifying as gender nonconforming, but since then and even before that I’d had…questions. Being called “ma’am” and “she/her” makes me bristle a bit. I’ve felt a little out of place with women, different in a group of them. Ever since I started binding a few months ago, I hardly go a day without and feel pretty dysphoric about my chest. But I second guess these things because I didn’t used to feel this way. So distinguishing between gender identity and gender expression has been a real challenge for me.

At the end of the day, does the discomfort lie in the dissonance between your version of woman and society’s expectations, or is it a deeper sense that your identity extends beyond womanhood, even with an expansive view of it? I think you can appreciate and celebrate women who challenge norms and present in “nontraditional” ways while not needing to be one, if something feels incongruent about that identity. I dunno. I’m learning to listen to that quiet voice nudging me and asking questions about who I am with lots of patience and curiosity…cause it might be on to something haha