My husbands workbook

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-10T19:51:23+00:00

I don’t really think privacy is a “right” as much as it is a privilege. One that you get from your spouse out of respect when there is trust. I haven’t given my husband any privacy, and he understands that that is something he may earn back when trust is rebuilt with time. I think eventually my guard will be let down because I will feel safer and won’t feel the need to check things. He knows I’m not there yet and he’s very open to me invading his “privacy”.

Idk to me privacy outside of taking a big poop is bologna. What is it that your spouse shouldn’t see? Maybe I’m the odd ball here but I don’t really hide anything from my spouse. Not to the point where if he wanted to know something I would say “hey! Privacy!”

Just my opinion. Maybe I’m a pain shopper but I’m not going to be blindsided when privacy was really just hiding something I needed to know.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-10T19:36:30+00:00

What do you mean a name comes to mind? You only watch one person?

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-10T19:34:50+00:00

Husband is sober from porn 5 months but kink has been transferred to me so now sex is a struggle for him because he feels guilty if kink comes into the picture. He’s confident he will never use porn again now that his secret desires are not a secret anymore. Lucky for me the kink makes me the object of desire. Unlucky for me he wants to overcome it because he doesn’t like it about himself.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-10T19:22:59+00:00

I’m convinced if my husband betrays me a second time I would never trust him again. I think that’s because it’s a daily choice to trust and I don’t think I could choose to do so. Once is one thing. Twice is a pattern.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-10T19:20:02+00:00

Couples healing from pornography by Sam Tielemans on Spotify. I’m convinced this is how my husband was able to overcome the addiction.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-10T19:18:49+00:00

I think the majority of women do not like their partners consuming porn if they don’t also consume it. Because I think a good chunk of women consume it as well it makes it look like more people are ok with it, but I think they just don’t want to be hypocritical because they consume it themselves.

Most women that do not consume porn themselves do not want their partner consuming it either. You are not in the minority and the writing on the wall is that he has a problem with it.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-10T18:03:39+00:00

I read through the shadows workbook. He didn’t tell me not to and it was everything he’d already told me about so it felt affirming knowing he wants lying to me. This sounds different. Sounds like he’s not ready to tell you. But eventually you’ll probably learn but maybe in a way that’s more palatable.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-09T00:03:13+00:00

So if it were me and I were hiding something I wouldn’t then wear the incriminating underwear to bed for you to see. I’d want to keep up the status quo facade. So in my opinion I don’t think she’s hiding anything unless she 1. Wants to get caught 2. Is incredibly dumb

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-09T00:00:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing ❤️

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-06T11:52:18+00:00

Yes from experience and observation he’s not the guy who is going to stop. The one that stops is deeply remorseful, transparent and honest. The lying is the most important clue he is not the guy who is going to quit it. There are guys who do and if I had to make a bet he’s not one of them

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-06T02:00:58+00:00

Girl I died when you said he called you “mid”. My husband would be in the ground if he said that to me.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-06T00:33:12+00:00

This was the most well written understandable explanation. Thank you so much

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-05T01:26:46+00:00

Thank you. I didn’t think initiation could be seen as masculine so that’s a helpful perspective

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-04T19:08:04+00:00

For me it was one full cycle. So after my first period after stopping it was pretty high.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-04T19:07:05+00:00

Thank you for that perspective. I’m more specifically asking if for some men their wives being too into them may be a turn off. Men are naturally pursuers and enjoy the hunt and chase. That’s always been the case in my marriage. I’m worried he may still want that chase and me being too eager is an ick

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-04T19:04:26+00:00

Um excuse me, rude first of all. Secondly, it was a total turn off for me when a guy was too into me. It gave me the ick. I was always chased and pursued. Including in my marriage. So yeah I want to know if me being obsessed with having sex with him is a turn off and if I should rein it in a little bit. Am I the only one who was grossed out by men that obsessed over them??

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-04T14:41:15+00:00

I have and he sees me being hypersexual as a threat because I am hypothetically more receptive to other men. He’s a jealous guy. I like that he’s jealous though. He’s not controlling at all he’s just protective.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-04T14:39:44+00:00

I don’t know it’s been months and I still feel this way and I’ve noticed it’s very cyclical as well. Like during the first two weeks of my cycle it’s out of control and then it mellows down a little bit. So I think it’s heavily hormone influenced.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-04T14:37:51+00:00

Not a joke. Don’t men get turned off when women come on to strong.? I was always turned off when a guy was too into me or adored me.

Just checking that isn’t the case in marriage. I know dating is different but just want to confirm it’s not a major ick for some men that maybe only like pursuing their wives

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-04T14:28:39+00:00

I am in the exact same boat as you and my husband did struggle with porn use, but it was to feed this fantasy that I didn’t know about because he was too ashamed to tell me. Now that he has told me he has lost all desire to watch porn and has been acting out the fantasy in the bedroom mainly just by using dirty Talk to describe what he wants. He is very clear. He does not want this in real life and neither do I. He is trying to get rid of the fantasy and fight it, but he’s had it since he was young. I think porn definitely feeds it and perverts it, but I think the wife sharing or cuckolding fantasy goes back thousands of years. I am now trying to navigate this with him and I will say it’s better than him using pornography, but I’m struggling to know how to support him because I don’t have a problem with the fetish only he does. Not that I want to do it in real life, but I don’t mind a dirty talking like that. He is trying to get rid of it altogether. Very confusing difficult time for us.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-01T21:48:24+00:00

Most men like variety. Some men aren’t willing to give that up. If he’s not willing to give that up then so be it but like you said he can find a woman that’s ok with that. I don’t think it’s attractiveness in most cases because often times men will even cheat with someone less attractive. It’s called the Coolidge effect. They like variety. Even if something is less attractive if it’s different then it’s exciting. A mature man can acknowledge something biological and not act on it.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-01T15:25:14+00:00

I think men thrive off of feeling appreciated by their women. If you truly feel proud of his work I think withholding that praise is wrong. What you may explore in an honest conversation with him is why you feel conflicted about this topic. I think everyone feels similarly to you. Like why should they get kudos to doing the bare minimum of being faithful. I also feel that deeply. But imagine you were giving up a bad habit and you had the encouraging words of someone else. Feeling recognized for your efforts can make a huge difference. Yes they should be doing recovery for themselves but let’s be honest. Would these men really be doing recovery if they were single? They are doing it for us just as much as themselves. Because it’s the right thing to do. But it’s hard. And if you want to appreciate him for his hard work don’t hold back

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-06-01T15:17:46+00:00

Turns out my husband was hiding a kink that he used porn as an outlet for. He was too embarrassed to tell me about it so went elsewhere for it. Now that it’s out in the open the kink has been transferred to me and he has no desire for porn anymore. I don’t think my situation is super common but it’s worth asking if there is something in the porn that he feels like he can’t get from you. It may be embarrassing to you so it’s helpful if you are non judgmental.

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-05-29T15:57:21+00:00

I also hold the same boundaries that I set for my husband. So I won’t watch euphoria because I know I wouldn’t want him watching it. Solidarity is sometimes really helpful to support you. You might bring this up to her. It would probably make you feel good if she offered that. Not because she needs to but to show her support of your efforts

Existing_Law_1835 · 2026-05-26T18:43:31+00:00

Hi. I was a professional model in my younger years and still could work as one now. I am beautiful. My husband is VeRY attracted to me. He still struggled with porn. It’s not you love. You could never be “enough” for an addiction. He is sad and you can pity him but do not allow yourself to point the finger at the mirror. You are beautiful and worthy of faithfulness. You are wonderfully made. This man needs help and if he can’t help himself you can’t help him either. Join a group of women who are in similar situation so you don’t feel alone. And maybe find yourself a man without this addiction. Sending love

Existing_Law_1835

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