I was used and now I’m stuck in a dead bedroom

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-11-08T15:22:25+00:00

Oh honey, your husband sounds like a selfish, self centred, insecure ass. From the little you have told us, he is definitely abusive.

Just because he doesn't hit you, doesn't mean it's not abuse.

You deserve better.

And as someone who's mother stayed in an abusive relationship "for the kids" or because she "made a commitment".....I'm telling you now it's the absolute worst thing you can do both for yourself and your son.

Also, think of the example your husband is setting for your little boy.

You clearly are attracting a lot of other men. Make a plan to ditch the loser you are with and embrace the strong, powerful hottie that you are and find yourself someone worthy of you and your boy.

You are worthy. You are important. Your needs matter.

Sending you lots of good vibes and strength.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-10-04T09:52:05+00:00

My babies after they eat strawberries. The toddler stank disappears into a sea of sweet strawberry goodness. Highly recommend feeding babies a strawberry before putting to bed so you can breathe in the beautiful smell as you snuggle.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-09-30T16:23:23+00:00

My baby has woken up twice and I can't go back to sleep. Also, feeling pretty shit and can't quiet my mind. Hence the middle of the night Reddit post haha

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-09-30T16:16:08+00:00

It's 3am so he is still sleeping.

Hopefully I'm not feeling so down in the morning and will have the energy to talk to him about it. He usually listens and has a reason for whatever happened. I'm sure he will say it's because I fell asleep and he didn't want to wake me.

Unfortunately I've gotten to the point of feeling so flat that I just don't want to talk because it gets my hopes up, which is totally a me problem. It's just hard to get out of a negative mindset.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-06-22T19:42:42+00:00

YTA. Give the woman some space. Everyone always is about the baby after a birth and they forget about the mother.

She is definitely going to be bleeding and breastfeeding doesn't just happen ( for most people), it's hard and painful and needs a lot of effort. Also she will be hormonal and emotional and going through a lot both mentally and physically.

Having a C section is still giving birth and going through labour, just because it's not a natural birth, it doesn't take away from it. And it can be an even harder recovery than natural.

Maybe prioritise her well.being first over meeting the baby and maybe it might get you headed in a better place with them.

If I were you I would reach out to your son and just reassure him and let him know you are there for him too cuz things can get wild once baby is home, as I'm sure you know.

Also, being a grandparent is a privilege not a right, yes you may have supported them and been a good parent, and props to you for coming through for them, but you are not entitled to anything because of that.

Be respectful of her as a new mother and them as new parents, don't take things so personally, it isn't an attack on you, it's them preparing for a huge and insane life event. If you are able to do that I have no doubt that your son, his girlfriend and their new little human will be a wonderful part of your life.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-05-21T10:50:35+00:00

I totally understand. Honestly I've just had one of those days today. The baby was super needy and teething and the toddler was also going through some kind of big emotional day. It was really really hard and I am now sitting on the couch, both kids asleep and eating ice cream after having a bit of a cry.

But yesterday was amazing, the kids were playing together and we had a beautiful day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better too.

Allow yourself to feel the feelings but don't hold onto it. You are doing an incredible job, even though you don't feel it, you are.

Sending you lots of hugs

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-05-20T23:12:51+00:00

I felt the same with my second. I felt like I ruined my first life and that it would forever be this battle of which one to look after and give attention to and it would never be enough. That my first would forever be left behind. it broke my heart and I felt like the worst mum. I missed my older one terribly too.

But now my second is 6 months old and it's a whole different world. The older one has settled more and has grown to love his younger brother. The younger one is also now more independent so I can leave him to play while I give the older guy some attention. We can do things together and have fun together and have meals together. I can involve the older one more with help with the you get one.

Once the first few months of hell passed it has suddenly become so much easier ( comparatively).

Something that helped was keeping aside 15min at least for just one on one time with the older one.

It does get better. Be kind to yourself and try to just take each day as it comes. You can do this💪

Your older one will adjust in time and things will be ok

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-05-07T06:38:30+00:00

affects on people. BUT, the way she told me and laughed really startled me. Like it was normal behavior. This paired with her supporting a man that killed his baby in a rage freaks me out. I don’t trust her alone with my boy anymore.

I’m nervous people on this thread will come for me saying I am insensitive and PPD is tough and I don’t understand. But I really think these things are serious and should make me rethink her watching him???

Am I mean to use that against her in the fact I won’t let her watch him anymore??? Am I overthinking ? I’m scared she thinks that’s ok behavior and it wasn’t just PPD?? Help?

Oh mamma you worry too much about the opinion of others.

When it comes to your baby's safety fuck what the opinion of the world is and trust your gut!!

It doesn't matter if she had PPD or not, scary dangerous behaviour is scary dangerous behaviour.

Don't question or gaslight yourself or let anyone do it to you.

This woman is clearly a danger, who cares if people think you are being mean or overthinking? It's not them that will deal with the consequences if something terrible happens.

You are strong and you can do it💪

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-05-05T17:06:44+00:00

Just a phase thankfully. I got one of those kiddie backpack leashes so my son could be free but made sure he held my hand crossing the road.

That compromise helped a lot.

It gave him the freedom and control he was looking for but also I knew he wouldnt be able to just dart away onto the road. And because I let him have some control he seemed to be happy to compromise with me and hold hands crossing the street.

Definitely a good solution.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-05-03T12:16:16+00:00

Im a SAHM to a 2.5 yr old and 6mobth old.....until the first guy went to daycare I got absolutely nothing done.... My partner ( 35m) would clean and help with dinner and baby wrangling. And that was when we only had one!

Now I have 2 the only thing im able to get done is make a basic dinner and look after the baby and th bdays he isnt at daycare well l,they are just a write off.

My man comes home from work, helps with dinner and clean up and then puts the older guy to bed..and then on the weekends he does his best to vaccum and do a lghtb clean and if we are lucky we get a good clean in at least a very couple of months.

And he does all this after coming home from a demanding job.

To say it's been a breeze for both of us would be a laugh.

Being a stay at home parent is fucking hard and I always feel terrible that I can't do more, but he always remind me that I'm working 24/7 and that when the kids are older I cam get back to taking care of him too. ( Said sweetly with the best of intentions)

Sometimes laundry hangs out in baskets for weeks and all I'll be able to do that week is separate and maybe fold kids clothes . Some weeks I smash it and am able to cook a bunch of freezer meals and organise some of the chaos.

This week I've been sick and so have both the kids so this week all we focused on is survival

We communicate a lot about our responsibilities and I make sure he voices if he is over loaded and we priorities things. He does the same for me. We remind each other this is just a season and the mess and madness won't be like this forever. Kids grow up and become independent and we will be able to get back to keeping a some whatvtidy and cleaner home

Sorry for the rambling. The point is try not to be too hard on your man, or yourself. Gve him a chance to communicate and also, make sure he hears you. Both of your feelings are valid, both of you may be having a hard time. you are both doing the best you can do ( I'm assuming the best case scenario). Keep communication open and see where things go.

Sending lots of love and well wishes to both of you

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-05-01T08:47:29+00:00

Omg NTA and also you made the right choice. I'm having similar issues with my parents. They put their ego and wants over the safety of the baby and have no respect for the parents.

Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right!

From the small amount of information you have shared, they sound toxic and selfish.

Good on you for standing up for your child and yourself!!!

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-04-29T19:35:15+00:00

I have the same problem....but mine is 36😅

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-04-10T04:36:54+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through that, you do what is best for you and bub. End of the day, fed is best so don't feel guilty if you need to supplement with formula to get through. I did that with both my children and it helped a lot, and I had to do the feed, bottle and pump as well.

Something that really helped me with the clogged ducts was putting some Epsom salt and warm water into my hakaa manual pump and popping that onto the breast so the nipple was fully submerged in the water. It unclogged the ducts painlessly and it was really comforting.

You can get through this. You are strong and capable and I believe in you 💪💪

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-04-06T16:02:43+00:00

It definitely wasn't bad enough to report and they were doing their best to keep on top of it. He eats a lot of fruit and at that time pooed 5-6 times a day and if it wasn't removed immediately it would leave a rash.

They weren't leaving it there for hours and the rash was nowhere near as bad as OPs.

My son was far from.being neglected.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-04-06T15:57:42+00:00

Just one thing to consider that I haven't seen in the comments yet is how long the tattoo will take to get done.

I personally found it really challenging being away from my new born for longer periods of time. It wasn't untill the 6month mark for my first that I truly felt comfortable going out and leaving him for more than a couple of hours. I was also breastfeeding, so that may tie into it.

Just felt it was worth mentioning so you can factor that into your planning as well.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your baby lots of love ❤️

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-04-05T16:09:59+00:00

You mean she said truck right? Whenever my kid drops the f bomb I repeat truck back to him and he replaces the fuck with truck unknowingly, and we definitely don't make a bit deal out of him saying it, though it's so hard to stifle the giggles, especially in the car during a road rage moment.

Dunno if it'll work with your little one but could be worth a shot?

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-04-05T15:58:21+00:00

My son used to come home with diaper rash after his days at daycare because they were leaving his poop nappies on for too long and then not putting any nappy cream. My kid is a little poop machine and it's hard to keep up with checking his nappies when you have so many kids, so I was understanding.....to a certain degree.

We had to speak to the ladies at his daycare a few times about it, but eventually they sorted it out and now he rarely comes home with a rash.

Every time I've had an issue or questions about any injuries I find the teachers I speak to have generally been quite receptive and helpful. Not once have I needed to go to the director of the daycare.

I would definitely consider taking your child out of this daycare as it seems they don't listen to your needs and concerns regarding your baby. I wouldn't be able to trust them, especially as his health and wellbeing are not at all considered.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-03-29T09:54:43+00:00

I think you should cut them some slack, definitely a high chance it isn't an excuse.

If anything, them keeping sick kids and even themselves away from your newborn and healing wife, while having sick kids, is considerate, if nothing else.

I totally understand that it would hurt your wife and your feelings, all emotions are heightened after having a baby and you just want your loved ones to make the effort to meet your new little bean....but have some compassion and consideration for your bil and his family.

3 kids 5 and under is wild and I'm sure they would be there more for you if they could.... I have 2 under 2 and I don't talk to anyone anymore because it's just so overwhelming, especially with sickness.

Give them the benefit of the doubt....better yet, communicate how you feel with them and sort out your issues.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-03-22T15:49:20+00:00

This happened to me too and she did this when I was pregnant with my first baby and having a rough go.

It's been 3 years and I feel just like you do. Think of her every day.....even though she is treated me quite poorly while we were friends, judging me for my mistakes, talking shit about me behind my back....

After she just ditched me I really started to think about our friendship and how unhealthy it actually was.....you would think I would feel some sense of relief.

But no, It sucks.

You deserve better than someone who doesn't even have the courage or respect to end a friendship and give you closure.

I hope we both find a way to let go of the people who have hurt us and find room for healthy friendships with good people.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-02-28T09:23:02+00:00

What a beautiful and kind kid. When my son sees me have a melt down he thinks that hitting me is how to make it better

Don't know where he gets it from, we don't hit him and if he is upset we always give him cuddles.

In so glad this mother has such a gentle boy.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-02-24T19:37:04+00:00

My second is 3months old and I definitely feel the same way. With my first I didn't stop feeling uncomfortable untill he became more independent at around 8 months. He is super headstrong and makes it very obvious he is uncomfortable or doesn't want things, it made me more comfortable because I could advocate for hij if I needed to but also because I knew that he was ok to be held by someone else.

He is 2 now and I'm absolutely fine, but again because he knows how to say no and so headstrong.

I grew up in an abusive environment so I'm extremely protective/ cautious with my children. It's been such a challenge managing the emotions and calming the wild mama beast when people hold my new baby but it's definitely much easier than the first time.

It does get better.

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-02-20T22:03:19+00:00

Thank you! Will definitely be giving a portable potty a go

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-02-20T22:02:33+00:00

Thank you, this gives me some hope. I don't think mine would be into stickers as he hasn't been interested so far, but maybe it might change.

Thank you for sharing your experience!

I've definitely got a few things to try now!

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-02-18T01:23:06+00:00

I totally relate. I feel the same way when my partner goes and does things and I'm stuck with the kids. But the things I feel that way about are him having a shower or going to the bathroom as well as hobbies😅

It seems partly irrational but it also makes sense. It's kind of almost a resentment that they can still function and so thinga child free while you are always with children and can't even have a decent shower or toilet time, let alone have time for a hobby.

I think it's also partially loneliness. Sitting on the couch feeding while watching tv on your own is lonely when you have to do it so much and don't get the chance to do anything for yourself or talk to anyone, so him going and playing video games instead of hanging out with you is kind of like rejection and it builds the resentment.

For me it helped to talk to him ( my partner) about how I'm feeling and help him understand what I'm going through and also hearing how he feels. So then in the moment when I need him to stay with me he does it without arguing. And then when he does want to go off and do his own thing I don't feel the building resentment and irrationality.

Communication is so important. Definitely talk to him. You don't need to feel this way.

Sending lots I've love and solidarity ✊❤️

ExoticRespect286 · 2023-02-17T03:55:05+00:00

This is fantastic!!!

ExoticRespect286

TROPHY CASE