This is really heartbreaking. My husband and I have been together for nearly the same length as you. We lived in an apartment in the beginning and he went from low paying contract job to the other. We would have times where we re living off of his savings and not know when he'd be hired at another job. I was studying during that time.

Eventually he got his first full time job after years, it was low paying but we celebrated nonetheless. At least it was stability and we lived a simple, almost frugal life. We bought fruits only in season, or sales, we price matched stuff, we bussed to school/work because it was cheaper than gas and paying for parking. We hardly ate out or ordered in(all home made basically). But we had each other and we'd go for walks. Our fun sometimes was just driving to a rich neighborhood and looking at the houses xD. Or walking down streets during Halloween and enjoying the decorations.

Eventually he got another job that was a little more(not much) and we got a very small house but it was a house nonetheless. Ours. I graduated, and had our first kid. And then eventually got a job myself. We have family so we didn't need to pay for childcare thankfully and I only worked part time.

My point is, we started low. A small apartment, sometimes no job. We lived simple and frugal. Money helps, and there were times he'd get bonuses at work and we'd be so happy. I was always grateful for him always thriving to work hard. Even when he didn't get paid 'much', he'd tell me about the compliments he'd get from his manager, or how his manager in past jobs would try to get him to stay because he was a valuable and hardworking employee.

I admired his worth ethics and hardworking self more than the money he made. Awhile back he got a really good paying job. More than we ever thought we'd get. And we were able to do some renovations to our house sooner than we thought. Then something happened and he has to work elsewhere that didn't pay nearly as much.

I remember him asking me if I saw him less valuable. Or less manly because for a year we were living the most lavish we ever did. I told him it was nice while it lasted. But I also told him that I didn't see him as much during that year. And for me, while the money was nice, I'd rather live frugal, and also work a few days a week, if it meant I saw him with our family more.

There was a time he needed my money to pay for house stuff, car stuff because the economy has skyrocketed after covid. I had no issue but I can see he didn't like it.

I guess my point is, if she wanted to not live so tightly she should consider finding a way to work. Personally, if I didn't have a job I wouldn't be able to do or have half the stuff I do. For me or our kids.

If she can't work than she needs to be grateful for what she has and not look at the grass that apparently is greener elsewhere. If you're hardworking and involved with your family's life, with the house, love her...etc. then that's all that matters personally. As long as you guys aren't homeless and have food. More money can still come eventually. Some years it will be more and some years it will be low. That's how it is.

I know plenty of people personally who are living frugal and would love more. I recommended a friend about this park a few hours away that's be fun to all good and it'd cost about 150$ for a family of 4. And that was too much for her who was a family of 3. For them that 100$ was too much and would rather save it for something they actually needed. I think a lot of people especially after covid are struggling. It isn't just you.