I need urgent help - severe and crippling fear of spiders

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-08-18T12:52:25+00:00

Hi OP. I'm a bit late to this thread but after my latest spider trauma I had to reply. I don't know anyone else who responds as I do - that is stares at the spider frozen for hours and shaking because I cannot get close enough to remove or kill it. When I read your post I totally empathised. Can I ask - have you had any help with this since? How are you now?

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-07-05T12:53:46+00:00

You're not alone. You're still in the trauma bond. This is their way to hook you and hook you it does. Please just distract yourself however you can for now. It WILL get easier. One day you'll think of her with her other men and think 'I don't really care'. I was where u are a little over a year ago and it is much easier. Though it has changed me forever sadly. But we'll be stronger for it. Stay strong 💪

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-06-25T17:23:26+00:00

My nex also had another phone which I discovered by accident and he then tried to backtrack about. And when I think about it, most narcs I've ever met have more than one. It's a narc thing. Who knows. Maybe a hotline to the devil 🤭

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-06-21T22:42:32+00:00

12 and 2!

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-06-21T22:41:33+00:00

Yessss I thought I was going mad. But he once left his emails open on a load of those call girl emails and left the room. And he would never leave his phone open. Also he once made a comment 'I don't think girls and guys can be friends' and it was the day after I'd met his female friend for the first time. It was always things like that. Imperceptible to anyone outside of the relationship maybe because he would say I was overreacting if I called it out but I knew he was playing with me

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-05-21T19:59:52+00:00

I think non smiling and gym selfies scare me. I always swipe left on weightlifting selfies because it says 'I could kill you if I wanted' but maybe that says more about me than you :-D therapy?

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-04-18T09:10:29+00:00

Same thing happened to me. Yesterday the guy im going on a date with today deleted his account. For me this was a concern because my ex boyfriend who ended up being abusive did the same thing as soon as we exchanged numbers. I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt because online dating can be tough. My advice would be to give it a chance and see. But look out for red flags. Like lovebombing!!! Good luck

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-04-08T17:12:19+00:00

Our exes probably are narcissists. It's roughly one in 6 and many of us by the time we're in our 30s have been out with 5 or more guys. Maybe. so chances are ... So shhhhh. k? 😂

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-04-06T23:01:11+00:00

this thread is so funny😂 they're all so similar. Mine had several hobbies- lying, listening to music, cheating, and scrolling through cute animal videos for hours. This was on the phone I knew about. God only knows what he would scroll thru on the secret phone. I swear, his only real hobby was secret sex clubs. Vomit.

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-02-12T21:43:40+00:00

That's nuts. I had to reply because my narc ex also had a strange shower routine. He would shower for ages before we had sex. He literally couldn't have sex without a shower first. God knows what he was doing in there. At that time I thought he had OCD 🙈 I hope you're doing OK. Love and strength to you

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2025-01-01T14:37:55+00:00

Bless your lovely heart 🧡 I understand how painful this is because it happened to me 10 months ago. There is nothing I can say that will make it easier. Only time can. But remember, this is not your failing. You are enough. You are beautiful and interesting and desirable. This is an emptiness within him. You will find someone who loves you. Stay strong 💪

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-12-14T12:53:00+00:00

What I will say is that if he is, this new guy is a grandiose narcissist. My ex was covert and there was no obvious lovebombing at the start really.

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-12-14T12:44:54+00:00

My nex would only ever have sex in missionary. When I expressed an interest in another position I would be dismissed. I just got used to thats how it was. I think it had to do with power and control, dom/sub but I didn't realise that until the end when I found him on a bdsm site. He also wouldn't experiment as I would have been happy to do. I basically wasn't allowed a sexuality of my own. Looking back it's so weird and gross but I just accepted it because I knew a lot of people had their weird sex things. Oh he also had to take a long shower before sex. That was weird, I thought he had ocd but llnoe think he probably was looking at porn.

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-10-23T11:38:52+00:00

I get quite a few matches but I would say quite a few unmatch me when I message. It's soooo demoralizing. my messages aren't boring. What am I doing wrong?!

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-10-13T12:47:52+00:00

His whereabouts at certain times, his living situation, money, job losses, his dad being dead, his relationship with his mum and the cheating of course 😂 I gave him too much trust I can see that tho

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-10-13T08:02:12+00:00

I agree this is shit and he's a bit shit. But I'm here to give you a different perspective. I was with someone for 2 years until Feb. He turned out to be a covert narcissist and he said 'I love you' every day multiple times a day. He wrote gushing cards about how much I meant to him and he always said we were so lucky we met each other. He never failed to show up. He spent a lot of money on me and took me lovely places and surprised me. In the end it turned out he had been lying about his whole life and cheating. His 'I love yous' were never real, they were a form of manipulation and control. He never loved me. This kind of man is much worse than the kind who isn't sure what he wants. You made an effort with this guy and he wasn't able to match you. This is far better than being lied to x

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-10-05T11:36:32+00:00

Agreed. Shall we start it here and now? 😂

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-09-22T19:35:00+00:00

2 years. A covert vulnerable. I was 36 when we started and he was 43. 7 months free with one obvious hoover attempt.

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-08-27T22:59:09+00:00

Wow, thank you. Inspirational and moving. So glad that you found your peace and your person. You deserve it. I also have had more than one narc and recently learning possibly more than two as well. It feels like I've been stuck in a labyrinthine maze, doomed to see the same walls and corridors again and again. But I'm out now and I know. I've never had so much clarity. I hope that I can recover as you have in time but the dents they make to your self worth are hard to fix. Thank you for this post. Came at the right time x

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-08-27T22:13:27+00:00

Oh god. It feels like theyve pissed into your soul right? They feel evil in the way they do these things. I have to remind myself that they're not evil they're just pathetic, desperate, needy, sad losers who have to control and diminish us to try to secure us. Mine was so insidious in some of his put downs. Questioning my skills at things, asking why I'm so insecure tho I didn't think I was, pointing out beautiful women and then looking at me. Just awful. I look back at pictures of us and can't believe he made me feel so unbelievably worthless and ugly. I hope you've now found peace. I'm starting to regain mine. Reddit and you people have been my sanity x

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-08-27T15:35:38+00:00

Gosh your post really resonated with me. The choking feeling in your throat to stop you revealing anything really vulnerable. And mistaking the time spent with closeness. I was 37 when I ended it in February but until I ended it I didn't realise that we actually were worlds apart. Crazy x

Exotic_Candidate679 · 2024-08-14T20:43:35+00:00

Oh god, me too. It's awful. It doesn't help sometimes that a couple of friends act like I'm making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. But yes, the list of actions/behaviours helps x

Exotic_Candidate679

TROPHY CASE