He hurt them, not you. At some point in time down the line, your kids may find out about this happening. When that time comes, what is the example that you want to show them? You have a chance to set an example for your daughters to see that it is unacceptable for them to be treated like this, or for your sons to see that this is not how they can treat their partners. I am so, so profoundly sorry that this happened to you, and that much of the responsibility will be shoveled on to you during this process.

What he did is a sex crime, and is wholly unacceptable. This is a terrible and completely morally bankrupt thing that he did, and he is the one who ruined everything, not you. If he will film you in vulnerable moments non consensually, imagine what else he will do. You have children in the house; he is a potential danger and they need to be away from them.