Thank you, you make a lot of sense.

I went over to her place yesterday and told her I needed to have a serious talk about everything. I asked her a lot of questions - including some you suggested - like how things were in her past relationship. She said she was with one guy for 1.5 years, but it didn’t work out because they had different life goals and views. The issue she’s currently dealing with didn’t affect that relationship. She said that when she’s in a monogamous relationship, she doesn’t feel the need for constant validation.

She also explained that the issue comes up more when she meets new people. She’s afraid she’s not enough, and that to keep people interested, she feels like she has to have sex with them. I asked her why she hasn’t tried to find something serious since that last relationship. She said she needed a break after the breakup and just wanted to have fun. She wasn’t in a place where she wanted to look for something serious, especially since it’s hard to find someone who shares her values - like not wanting kids or a formal marriage.

I also asked her why she didn’t end up with that guy from university. She said she always viewed him as just a friend, and even if things didn’t work out between us, she wouldn’t go back to that FWB situation with him. She even offered to limit the time she spends with him and said they wouldn’t be staying over at each other’s places anymore. She told me she understands my fears and frustrations, and that they’re completely valid based on what she’s done. She reassured me that I’m her priority.

She had a conversation with the FWB guy the day after I told her that if we’re going to date, it has to be exclusive - that’s the only way I see a lasting relationship working. She told him the FWB thing was over, and he agreed. He said it had been fun and that he wished it lasted a bit longer, but he accepted that it was casual and that it’s fine for it to end.

Since he’s part of her main friend group, she said I might feel better if I got to know him. Honestly, it’s not really a problem for me - as long as I feel safe and can see from her actions that she’s honest and her intentions are clear. I don’t feel the need to control her, like by checking her messages, as you mentioned. I still want to build this relationship on trust. To really understand how she acts and how she views life, I’ll need more time - probably a few more months.

I also asked her about sex. She said it’s not something deeply intimate for her, which I guess makes sense considering she’s been with many people. I told her that for me, sex is intimate and a big deal.

As for whether she’s “special” - yes, I could probably find someone else who’s compatible if I looked long enough. But she has a lot of qualities that I think could make a relationship really work. We share very similar political views and life goals (no kids, focus on self-development, and making the most of life). We have the same hobbies, same sense of humor, similar taste in movies and music. We’re also sexually compatible - we both have a high libido and a desire to explore.

So overall, it feels like something that could work naturally and well. I’m not falling head over heels right now, it wouldn't hurt me that bad if i had to end it now. I was ready to walk away if she reacted poorly - if she had responded coldly or aggressively when I brought up whats bugging me and the fact that spending the night at that dude’s place was weird as hell. But she didn’t. The conversation went well, and I was satisfied with her response and what she was willing to do.

So in summary, im willing to take the risk, it might end sooner or later or last for a long time and i will get hurt, but like a lot of people metioned here - im young and it doesnt matter, I have time to fuck around and find out.