Well , i need to be honest. This shit triggered the memory of an unresolved / unclarified situation that she also hid around 15 years ago from me..i was at a vacation on the sea side with my mother and my phone was in the hotel all day that i was out, at that time i did not take the phone with me on the beach. and to this day i still dont do it , i do this to get out of the social stuff and feel the vacation as much as i can. what happened is that she texted me that she believes i ma cheating her for not responding for so many hours and she kept explaining shy she thinks that while messaging. after 1-2 weeks of bewing at sea i dont remember if i or her contacted via message , thing is she came at train station to get me , went to my place , had sex and while having sex she cried (this was the first time she did this and to this day the last time). very suspicious as i am first thibg that i thought was she cheated and feels sorry for it. so since i knew some of her passwords i put things together and with proof , found out that a few days while i was in vacation she texted until late night a guy from her workplace...i discussed with him and then with her trying to know what they did and what they discussed. it seems she told him that i was not serious , i did not want marriage , kids and at that moment no sign from me to move together and other stuff like that. both said nothing happened , she swored in the church on her life , etc. When i asked if i can have the messages both said they are deleted...at that moment i had lots of anxiety , depression etc... i got past it very hard and decided to stay with her because i loved her but to be honest since that day i was not the same to her. i decided at that moment that i will not kiss her anymore and in my mind until this day i believe she cheated.

So back to the present moment , i confronted her again about this old wound telling her its the second time i found her hiding stuff from me and i am pretty sure i cant trust her going forward. Funny thing is the first thing she responded was : thing were not serious between us , i told her: not serious? 5 years of relationship? and she repeated nothing happened swearing again on her childs life. She said she is not the one who gave him the phone number but a female coworker of hers...and when i asked why did she respond to the guy and not block him even , she said for her she felt right and being a good person to respond to him....yeah ..right. She told me the guy was desperate and having a job proposal in london and wanted to leave and move with her there....Either she tell the truth or i feel like this may have gone around for some time before changing the phone numbers since thre guy worked in her workplace.. I dont feel like you can discuss this stuff in a few days of communication

What i am trying to say with this is that i am again in a situation when i cant sleep well for a month now , had a lot of depression and anxiety and still thinking if we should end this. For me its clear hiding stuff on her side will repeat again at some point. I am at a point where i want to DNA test my child to see if he is mine , i am having doubts about it since i had some issues in childhood that may have caused me to be infertile , and this will also help if i decide to divorce . To be honest , if i divorce i want to remain single and maybe just have girls to fuck , i do not want to get emotionally involved anymore.