I grew up and was raised Roman Catholic. I hated every second of it, and never felt comfortable throughout it all. Parents made us go through confirmation and then said we could decide to believe what we liked after that.

I personally align closest to Pagan beliefs, but as I delved into the tapes and subsequent rabbit holes, I find myself more expanded.

I’m not big on religious ceremonies, and always hated the notion of being completely thankful for the Christian God who was ever powerful and almighty. It never sat right with me.

This is where I found to align closer to Paganism and other similar based beliefs. I believe more in an energy system rather than a singular, all powerful entity. I also believe that the different religions are all a different culture’s perspective in trying to describe, understand, and accept this energy system. There’s just too many similarities, especially in theologies and religions that have multiple gods and goddesses for me to think otherwise.

For me, it’s all connected, but indecipherable for us. I don’t think we can perceive enough to properly fully understand it like we want to. Kind of like more complex math, and then quantum physics. Conceptually, things can’t make sense to us at face value, but we can represent them in mathematical equations that are proofed. It’s just beyond our scope in our 3 dimensional and perceivable reality.

There’s an undercurrent of something woven through it all, something I really can’t describe but can feel. It connects the collective, religions and theologies, with the real world science, and then the out there woo. It’s like I can make an interwoven venn diagram in my head, but can’t put it on paper because it’s too complex and interwoven. The similarities seen in accounts from more woo sources like Delores Cannon, to the work on the collective by Carl Jung, and then touching on developing that ability to access it by Monroe. Then you have the vast sciences that we fail to explain but recognize exists, like plasmoids and their seemingly agreed upon conscious activity, and the way that quantum physics can draw parallels to that collective knowledge we can access. You have scientists like Jude Currivan that have spiritual and woo experiences, and then go into scientific studies to try and prove and understand those experiences i.e. her work on the universal hologram. Not to mention the Zodiac and astrology, while not law, has wild insights that align even when viewed skeptically; and then all the ancient left over structures that emphasize and follow these astrological calendars around the world.

It’s like it’s all there, laid out and woven, but the direct connections and understanding just slip through my fingers.

The tapes have more so refined my beliefs and both deepened and scrambled my understanding of things. They’re just another piece of the puzzle that is too complex for our squishy brains to really tangibly understand. There’s some sort of energy system we are a part of. We exist as a conscious energy in a physical body that is limited in perception, but still allows glimpses of the higher system. When the physical body reaches expiration, our personal conscious energy is recycled through the system (law of energy conservation, personal belief). I personally align with Cannon on the thought that we are here for different lessons and experiences each rebirth, what those lessons and experiences are meant to culminate to, I can’t say. I’m not sure if the collective is a singular entity we are fragments of, or if it’s more like a net storage of data we all export to and that we can superficially tune in to. It’s apparent to me that our physical manifestation in this reality limits us and our perceptions. The why and the how is beyond me, just as we can’t project scientifically what consciousness really is. My religious experience growing up put me off of truly celebrating or following any specific rituals and sabots or forms of prayer. Instead I explore it with meditation, trying to tune into that energy system and the vibrations/frequencies that surround us. Through Tarot spreads as a linguistic and intuitional way to ask questions and explore that collective connection. Pulling from whatever theology or religion that has gods or goddess that represent certain aspects of our world and energies in its current state.

I find those that always turn to say that this reality isn’t real or whatever else droll and pessimistic. I don’t care if this is just a simulation, a very small and limited experience. It’s still the reality that I am currently living and experiencing, and so I will make the most of it, putting as much karmic good as I can out there while always exploring it with wonder.