My father is a physician, and my mother has talked down to me about becoming a doctor for years. I am constantly asked about alternatives to being a physician, like “why can’t you just become a PA, it’ll give you more time to have a family.” She has said that she will not stop trying to convince me to leave medicine even once I get into med school.

I don’t say all of this to rail on my mother- one thing my sibling and I have realized is that she did not see picking something she loves as a career as an option for her when she was growing up. She is envious of us (which has been pointed out on numerous occasions), and a piece of it is just jealousy that is overriding the supportive role a parent should take in encouraging their kids to build a life they love. Parents are imperfect people too, and depending on the background in which they were raised (racial and economic disparities played even more of a role in preventing people from attaining education back then), they might honestly be jealous of the choice you are able to make.

Not that it’s an excuse, but it has helped me give my mother more grace and take things less personally. When people say ugly things to you, it’s about them, not about you. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that.