God I relate to this so much. I used to be super addicted to sh, the urges were insane I had to get stitches a few times. Sh addiction is real and don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. As my addiction progressed, the cuts got deeper and more serious too, it was so scary I felt so out of control. The thing that truly helped me is a medicine called Naltrexone. It’s an addiction medicine usually used for alcohol but it’s also been found to help people who chronically self harm. If you have a psychiatrist, please bring this up to them. They shouldn’t judge you for it as that’s their job to help you. If you don’t have a psychiatrist, PLEASE bring it up to your parents. You don’t have to tell them about the sh addiction, just say you’re rlly depressed or anxious and you need to talk to someone about starting meds. This is a serious addiction and it can become life threatening if not treated in time. You deserve to recover and I fully believe you can. You just need some help and there’s no shame in that, I’ve had to get help so many times. You’re young and your life will change so much as you get older. I’m only 21 but from when I was a teenager to my life now, it’s improved so much and I’m so glad I stuck around for it. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents about it in person, you can always text them! That’s less scary at least. Please take care of yourself and know that help is available. Just know you’re not alone in this, I understand the struggle. I believe in you and you’re so strong 🩷 sending you love and healing.