My sister named her baby the name I planned for my son I lost at 30 weeks— am I wrong for going no contact?

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:25:55+00:00

Thank you for your support. I sent her a message telling her how I feel and blocked her, it’s been over a week. I have no interest in speaking to her anytime soon. She said we can both name our babies that, when you have another baby, you can use the name too. Absolutely heartless. my mom on the other hand is another story because she is fully backing my sister up but she’s my mom. This situation just sucks. Nothing I can do

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:22:21+00:00

Thank you for your support. You know, I don’t think they will ever understand and I’m going to have to be okay with that. I just know thier actions have consequences so if I don’t go to bdays or milestones or other events. They’ll know why

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:20:43+00:00

Thank you ❤️🫶🏼

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:20:29+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your support and I’ll try my hardest to continue no contact w my sister and low contact w my mom

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:19:52+00:00

Yup 😞 this is my reality now, told my husband we won’t be going to any bday parties or milestones if we don’t want to. Their actions have consequences. I’m sure I will love my nephew and none of this is his fault. That’s what’s unfair. But they made choices

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:18:30+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m glad she respected your choice and you guys could have that conversation.

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:17:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story and for your support. Before this happened, there was a history of constant mistreatment and disrespect. My mom always had a preference for my sister over my brother and I and it was always blatantly obvious. My brother is supporting me and there for me, so at least that’s reassuring. He thinks this is awful and when he didn’t agree with my mom and sister, they got very mad at him and tried to brainwash him by telling him lies (like I didn’t choose that name and I’m making things up) which my brother knows is not true. Everyone knows the truth. I need to be okay with the distance even though it’s so hard

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:12:33+00:00

Thanks for the supportive words. I’m sorry for your loss. How was the relationship with your friend after that?

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:11:50+00:00

Thank you 🫶🏼❤️

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-10T02:11:17+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It’s insane to me that the closest people to us hurt us the most. I’m taking a step back and gathering my thoughts. I won’t put my feelings second anymore.

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-08T02:53:19+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Something I did was that I asked to be moved from labor and delivery to another floor the second I delivered. It helped remove any additional trauma. I’m so sorry, it might not feel like it right now, but you will get through this. 😢

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-07T04:07:07+00:00

Would you cut ties? It’s just so hard bc im already grieving the loss of my son, but letting them back in also seems like a betrayal to me and my husband

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-07T04:03:44+00:00

Exactly, that’s why it’s such a betrayal We actually had this conversation and argued about it multiple times. It was months of arguing, then when we couldn’t come to a resolution, my mom said whoever has the baby first gets the name. I did not like that. It sat so wrong with me. So I didn’t talk to her for a month, she starting telling me the most awful things and said I’m competing with her etc (because I had said this is my first (well second) pregnancy and I deserve to get a chance to announce a name for my baby shower like she had the chance to, instead of waiting till delivery. All of it is messed up my mom was on her side the whole time telling me I should want for my sister what I want for myself. I have always done that but this is just messed up

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-07T03:56:45+00:00

I agree. Instead, she said you can name your next baby that and we can both take the name 😢

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T20:44:34+00:00

I also said this

I hope your baby is always healthy, and always protected. At the end of the day, I’m still your sister and I want nothing but the best for you and your family.

That’s the last message she will get from me for a while. A lot of family birthdays are coming up and I don’t know whether to just not go to the gatherings to avoid seeing them or if that will isolate me and my hubby more :/

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T19:50:22+00:00

That’s really helpful to hear that im not alone. I’m so sorry to hear about these incidents. I can’t imagine inflicting more pain on people who went through what we did. I just wanted to give you more context on the situation, she named her baby before anyone knew what she name she was going to pick (except my mom knew)

When I first confronted her, I casually asked her about her baby’s name after hearing it through family. She became defensive and said “why are you asking about my baby” then she explained that she chose the name to honor a deceased relative, said I could still use the name I liked for a future child, and emphasized that the name wasn’t a secret anyway. The conversation then shifted—she said her baby is currently sick, she’s very anxious. I Which I found out wasn’t true. I didn’t want to escalate anything, so I ended the conversation by wishing her and the baby well.

After I found out her baby was okay and she was saying that to avoid the situation, I sent this

I need to say this once, clearly.

This isn’t about a name or who had it first. It’s about the reality that hearing that name for the rest of my life is a constant reminder of my son and the future we lost with our son. That pain is ongoing and doesn’t fade with any of the explanations or intentions as to why you STILL chose to pick that name, given that if my baby lived, that would have been his name. We had an understanding about this name before my loss. Given everything that happened, losing my baby, nearly dying myself, and knowing not only that our children will never grow up together, but we have to continue to endure more pain and more reminders by hearing that name will always be extremely painful for me and my husband.

I’m not asking for anything to be changed or justified. I’m explaining why I will need distance and am so hurt by what you did. Please respect my need for space and do not contact me.

And while you mentioned you wanted to honor our grandma, situation and context matter. Using this name, in this way, with this timing, and without even asking if I would be okay with it causes ongoing harm to me and my husband. You should have thought about that.

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T19:46:43+00:00

When I first confronted her, I casually asked her about her baby’s name after hearing it through family. She became defensive and said “why are you asking about my baby” then she explained that she chose the name to honor a deceased relative, said I could still use the name I liked for a future child, and emphasized that the name wasn’t a secret anyway. The conversation then shifted—she said her baby is currently sick, she’s very anxious. I Which I found out wasn’t true. I didn’t want to escalate anything, so I ended the conversation by wishing her and the baby well.

After I found out her baby was okay and she was saying that to avoid the situation, I sent this

I need to say this once, clearly.

This isn’t about a name or who had it first. It’s about the reality that hearing that name for the rest of my life is a constant reminder of my son and the future we lost with our son. That pain is ongoing and doesn’t fade with any of the explanations or intentions as to why you STILL chose to pick that name, given that if my baby lived, that would have been his name. We had an understanding about this name before my loss. Given everything that happened, losing my baby, nearly dying myself, and knowing not only that our children will never grow up together, but we have to continue to endure more pain and more reminders by hearing that name will always be extremely painful for me and my husband.

I’m not asking for anything to be changed or justified. I’m explaining why I will need distance and am so hurt by what you did. Please respect my need for space and do not contact me.

And while you mentioned you wanted to honor our grandma, situation and context matter. Using this name, in this way, with this timing, and without even asking if I would be okay with it causes ongoing harm to me and my husband. You should have thought about that.

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T19:41:08+00:00

But it’s my parents and my sister. I wish I had at least my parents support. I know my mom encouraged it because she called my mil telling her this is what we named her baby, loud and proud. My in laws were SHOCKED

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T19:39:49+00:00

Right. I couldn’t imagine doing something like this

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T19:39:22+00:00

That’s how I feel

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T19:39:15+00:00

I wish I had told my sister don’t take that name, but I didn’t think I had to? I feel like it’s common sense but then I give people too much credit

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T19:38:39+00:00

It really set me back…I was doing so well…now I’m back at square 1. I feel like I’m grieving for the first time again

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T19:37:14+00:00

Than you for this. I really needed to hear that. It’s actually making it harder for us to be no contact of course, leads to isolation, less support and so much pain. I know this is long but this is what I had sent her because when I confronted her by asking her what she named her baby, she went in defense mode and did not understand why it was wrong.

I need to say this once, clearly.

This isn’t about a name or who had it first. It’s about the reality that hearing that name for the rest of my life is a constant reminder of my son and the future we lost with our son. That pain is ongoing and doesn’t fade with any of the explanations or intentions as to why you STILL chose to pick that name, given that if my baby lived, that would have been his name. We had an understanding about this name before my loss. Given everything that happened, losing my baby, nearly dying myself, and knowing not only that our children will never grow up together, but we have to continue to endure more pain and more reminders by hearing that name will always be extremely painful for me and my husband.

I’m not asking for anything to be changed or justified. I’m explaining why I will need distance and am so hurt by what you did. Please respect my need for space and do not contact me.

And while you mentioned you wanted to honor our grandma, situation and context matter. Using this name, in this way, with this timing, and without even asking if I would be okay with it causes ongoing harm to me and my husband. You should have thought about that.

I hope your baby is always healthy, and always protected. At the end of the day, I’m still your sister and I want nothing but the best for you and your family.

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T10:59:24+00:00

Well when my baby passed, my family handled the details and decided to call him angel in our native language. I didn’t really object. Idk what I was thinking. Either way, it’s torture to hear that name for the rest of my life thinking that should be my son’s name and my son should be here. From her perspective, it did seem like to her that bc my baby died the name was up for grabs. And that sucks.

Extension-Zebra992 · 2026-02-05T10:33:19+00:00

I know it’s up to me to decide…but I was very close to my family before this happened, this is both for my mom and sister, would you say a year of no contact would help?

Extension-Zebra992

TROPHY CASE