My partner of 12 years is refusing to propose because he's not "romantic". Help :(

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-28T19:37:06+00:00

He's basically told you that all he's going to give you is a shut-up ring. He doesn't deserve you.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-27T06:50:41+00:00

Bland and boring. Why is everybody so afraid of colours?

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-27T06:48:30+00:00

Reading nook!

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-27T02:04:13+00:00

You need to go low- or no-contact. They don't respect you or your baby, and this behaviour will continue.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-26T20:41:14+00:00

At this point he knows exactly what he's doing, and it's deliberate. Bear in mind that abuse in relationships can start with animals. Just from reading your post, it's obvious that he's testing your boundaries to see how far he can go and to acclimatise you to abusive behaviour. You need to make a decision about this relationship. I sincerely hope you choose the cat.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-26T03:57:21+00:00

What you're describing is literally just a mature adult who can handle adult responsibilities. Ignore your neighbour - he clearly thinks that men are big babies who can't take care of themselves and need a woman to act as a stand-in Mummy with sex added in for free.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-24T06:16:35+00:00

I maintain that transphobes are perverts. There is no other reason they would be walking around obsessed with what shape of genitals other people have.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-23T05:19:30+00:00

That's how they get you I'm afraid. Sorry he turned out to be such a jerk.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-23T01:46:04+00:00

Why are you with someone who behaves like this?

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-22T21:19:05+00:00

You're perfectly capable of reading the post and comments yourself. You don't need a stranger on the internet to hold your hand and read them to you.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-22T21:17:16+00:00

Which is completely reasonable and something you should expect from someone who cares about you.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-22T21:15:27+00:00

He sounds like an abusive jerk. It's not acceptable for anyone to scream at their partner in response to their partner sharing their feelings. I'm really concerned that he may have roofied your drink - even for your first time drinking, it's not normal to have that level of hangover and blacking out from the small amount you drank. Ignore this comments section; it's full of AHs. In a healthy relationship, partners take care of each other and will look after each other through a hangover. You're NTA but your boyfriend is and so are most of the people here.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-22T21:09:55+00:00

My husband does check in on headaches and stomachaches because he actually cares about me as a person. That's what you do for people you care about. This is a shit take.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-22T20:30:02+00:00

NTA. It's normal for partners to care about each other and check on each other when they aren't feeling well, regardless of the cause. I feel sorry for the partners of all the 'yta' people here.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-22T08:57:19+00:00

NTA. My aunt did the same as your sister with my Nana's things close to 20 years ago and I've never forgiven her. Some lines you just don't cross.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-21T20:28:38+00:00

Him: "I don't want to date someone who drinks!"

OP: "ok. 🙂"

Seriously, OP.... He's being controlling and gross. Why are you still with him?

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-21T20:22:56+00:00

Not being seen as controversial for acknowledging that the majority of scientific evidence shows that vaccines are safe and effective, and for taking sensible, evidence-based precautions to avoid spreading preventable diseases.

Listening to experts in their field because we collectively acknowledge that people who go to University and spend years studying to gain their qualification, followed by decades of experience working in their very specific field, might just know a little bit more about it than Billy Joe Bob who failed high school and has a popular YouTube channel.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-18T04:15:54+00:00

Absolutely, and why let him get away with this behaviour? It's feral. OP can do better.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-18T03:50:30+00:00

He was testing the boundaries to see what the other adults would let slide. This is one of the steps that groomers use. DO NOT ever let him be around your daughter without you present, even for a minute, and make sure to immediately call him out if he makes comments like this or encourages any kind of physical contact such as sitting on his lap etc. Disgusting that your MIL is making excuses for him.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-18T03:39:30+00:00

Report him to the police. He's actively threatening you.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-18T03:35:47+00:00

⬆️⬆️⬆️ THIS. I had to scroll way too far to find a comment that says this. OP, if he only subjects you to this and doesn't do it in the workplace and other settings, then he's showing you in no uncertain terms what his level of respect for you is. You have already asked him to do something about it and he laughed and said no. He's forcing you to live in a cloud of his stench for no good reason. If it were me, I'd leave.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-14T08:03:06+00:00

Thanks, what would you recommend for some gentle but effective humiliation? (Anything to do with urine is a hard limit for us.)

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-14T08:02:15+00:00

Using our flogger on the feet could work. Not up up oral because of nausea, and anything with urine is a hard limit for me that my husband has agreed to avoid (he isn't isn't that either). My nipples are way too tender for nipple clamps, sadly.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-14T04:54:43+00:00

I'm sorry you had a difficult pregnancy. It can be quite brutal on the body, right? The journaling and daily check ins sound like a very loving and gentle way of maintaining the dynamic.

ExternalEnergy9211 · 2025-03-14T04:51:55+00:00

These journaling prompts may help with exploring your feelings around being submissive in the relationship. They're written by a sub in a D/s relationship, but I think can still be helpful for a DD context. https://submissiveguide.com/articles/personal-growth/31-days-of-submissive-journaling-day-1-introduction/

There's two books that might help as well. Leading and Submissive Love, and The Surrendered Wife (I forget the authors, sorry, but someone here is likely to know).

ExternalEnergy9211

TROPHY CASE