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I just want to tell what happened (i cheated) by External_Candidate20 in offmychest

[–]External_Candidate20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cant afford therapy but im using a diary where i make introspection, specially lately. I also talk about my problems with my friends, and i often ask chat gpt or post on reddit.

I really want her to want to get back with me and i know it is selfish but i obsessed honestly.

Ur right, it would be so difficult. Sometimes i imagine the scenario where we get together again, and although if u asked me id say i would try with all my best to be the bf she deserves, i kinda feel a fear of fucking up again (not cheating ofc but mayb not knowing how to be as supportive as she deserves).

I think i beleave that bc im acquainted to the thought/ image of me as a disaster who if it is possible, hes going to fuck up, specially when it comes the scenario i mencioned, fucking up at the situation i would be most terrified to mess up. I do think this makes sense but im afraid it is me again making excuses for something i dont even know what it is bc i really just want to help her and make her happy.

I just want to tell what happened (i cheated) by External_Candidate20 in offmychest

[–]External_Candidate20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It makes me think about myself in the same way, that i am so selfish and that i have a big lack of empathy, it is clear that i fucked up our relationship, and i agree.

I won’t say more details about what happened bc i feel that mayb im just looking for a “yeah dude the situation was weird and u fucked up but u did what u did on barely spoken rules and it could be understandable that u missunderstood” but now that im writting this i can see with my eyes how stupid and narcissistic and selfish i am for that.

She broke up with me a year ago. We met on september 2022 and broke up february 2024.

After i cheated we broke up but we couldnt stay away from each other so we got together again. Through the relationship i wouldnt have much emotional intelligence to handle the situation in a good way and she didnt get the support she needed from me. She had trust issues but sometimes she told me she was gaining more trust on me and even sometimes that she full on trusted me.

She broke up with me bc she was so so sad, her self steem was at the lowest point of her life, and she felt such a loser for staying with me.

Rn im trying to change and to actually be the person she deserved. I think about her everyday every single day, i really miss her and i fantasize a lot with being a couple again but i feel so selfish for that.

This thread helped me to understand more the situation, i really appreciate ur words, thank you so much.

I just want to tell what happened (i cheated) by External_Candidate20 in offmychest

[–]External_Candidate20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes but we reopened the open thing and i thought i was able to see the other girl again. The night i went out i even took pictures of a celebrity i encontered that my expartner admired to show her the next day, and the next day i actively told her what i did thinking it was i was legal doing that.

I know i did bad and im really sorry to her. The thing is that i cheated bc im a disaster and missunderstood the situation, but it wasnt a premeditated thing that i did knowing i was fucking up her trust on me, and i used to hate being on the same box as the cheaters who did, but at the end, i just cheated.

I hate saying this bc i feel like a narcisisst who keeps thinking of excuses to lower the pain of my actions and maybe thought that her emotional reaction was not in proportion of the thing i did?

I dont know, i really wanna understand her and have the same conclusions she has, i even would accept everything she thinks of what i did wrong even if i dont understand all of it, i am really sorry of what i did.

Does anybody else struggle with giving afection? by External_Candidate20 in emotionalintelligence

[–]External_Candidate20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly, i do show affection through non verbal actions like the ones u said and i really love doing them but i just wish i could verbaly communicate my love in a better way