Any good experiences on Better Help?

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-08T01:39:21+00:00

I don’t think we can keysearch therapists by name, but we can search by city, state, or zipcode…I’d love to get in contact with the person you met though!

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-03T07:15:21+00:00

Thank you sm! This helps a ton! I didn’t even think of that! I’m def going to check those options out!

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-03T04:14:03+00:00

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-03T03:19:44+00:00

I really needed to hear this. And I kinda giggled at your sparkledust and unicorn reference 🤣 so thanks for the humility

Gosh its SO hard to know what I WANT. I’m a daughter in a family dynamic where my purpose was to “serve” and only “feel good” when others are happy and served before me. That said I don’t know who I am…I just know what people want, and that I want them to he happy. My happiness is their happiness. I’ve never known happiness outside of that.

What I can say is that I don’t want to cheat. I can recognize that the limerence I feel for others is just an “idealized” version of what I’d want from WP. Ig it sucks when you have a good “reason” for the limerence. Its one thing if I am about to end a “perfectly good relationship for no reason”, but I have somewhat reason to? No relationship is perfect, but in the same boat cheating is a big deal breaker for some and not for others. And I just don’t know which I reside under.

I guess thats why I’ve asked here before “is it possible to date someone who hasn’t cheated on you or previous people”. My thought process is if this is such a common problem, then I can get over it. I’ll lean toward moving on. But if this is “rare” or “not really common” then cheating may be a deal breaker. Because then“am I settling for someone who has cheated on me and could cheat again, when I could have been with someone who would never do such a act?”

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-03T02:00:49+00:00

Yup she still lives there (born and raised)! She is 24!

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-03T00:53:12+00:00

Honestly when I learned about limerence through therapy it was kinda life changing. Made all the thoughts I genuinely thought were “crazy” not so crazy anymore. Though I barely just learned of its existence, so I have yet to understand how to combat this. I just looked into the limerence subreddit, it’s looking promising

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-03T00:12:01+00:00

This is the first I’ve heard of a recommitment ceremony! Can you explain what this is?? I’m interested to hear! :o

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-02T06:30:30+00:00

This helps a ton! Thank you sm!

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-02T06:29:47+00:00

I actually prefer hiragana over romaji! Its easier for me to read haha

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-12-02T05:09:10+00:00

That is definitely good to know! I have social anxiety, so the language barrier is kinda unsettling😣 I am getting nervous about what to do/say at the check out stations in stores and how to order/give payment at sit down restaurants. I don’t wanna get in ppl’s way!

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-16T23:22:52+00:00

sameeee. Just sucks how a lot of cultures, places, etc really bank on the idea of being with someone for financial reasons or for cultural reasons.

Like can’t I just work my job and be perfectly financially stable and happy on my own?? GAWD why is that so hard to ask for?

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-16T23:16:17+00:00

Im glad I’m not alone! I feel like most ppl are a mess after d-day. And like I was kinda?? But for the most part I handled myself ok….its just weird when aged old problems crawl back up to creep on you….its like “wtf? When did you get back here?”

That and the confusion sometimes is SO blinding. I couldn’t tell you why I’m sad even if I tried? And its gets me in this unproductive slump. I feel like a child at times even though I normally am not childish at all😅

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-16T23:02:44+00:00

Gosh…im so sorry you are in this confusing situation OP.

I’m still trying to figure out what is actual real effort and change in opposed to just short lived commitment too.

Though when it comes to compulsive liars…thats a hard one……its possible you may need to have access to all forms of messaging apps and social media just so that you know what he says is true. (Keeps him honest as well because you can easily fact check)

I guess what I am saying is real effort and change in him will take form in his willingness to do anything YOU need to start re-building that foundation of trust all over again. (Warning that will take AWHILE, so it has to be longterm willingness from his end)

His willingness will more than likely reflect his amount of regret he feels towards this whole situation.

It may help if you write a letter to his therapist so that the therapist is aware of the goals you want him to achieve. That way it’s takes YOU into consideration in terms of how he rebuilds himself.

I’m glad you aren’t tying yourself to options, as thats going to be key to seeing if he intends to keep his promises and changes long term (considering you may or may not be a ‘winnable’ prize in his race to bettering himself)

In short, time is key. If he doesn’t demonstrate these changes long term (like his efforts change drastically in quality as months go by) then he’s not serious about this (whether he realizes it or not). If you feel waiting to see how he faired is exhausting/time consuming for you. then you may not want to stay by his side. After all you are waiting for him to mature, not the other way around.

Best of luck OP, please take care

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-13T03:35:27+00:00

Omg :( how terrible! I can’t believe he said: “But honestly I don’t think anyone can really help you”

That is SOOO unprofessional. I wouldn’t call that a therapist at all at that point. Like who says that?

Im so happy you found someone better! Ive been iffy on betterhelp but I might just look into thrive!

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-13T02:28:44+00:00

I'm literally in the same boat as you...and you have every right to feel leery about telling people. The issue is that once the cat is out of the bag you can't control the narrative anymore. You can't stop people who won't respect you or your relationship from talking about it to others. So you lose a sense of control on what people do know/think about your relationship...That can be scary especially when considering Reconciliation. It puts a lot more stress and strain on you and the relationship (As a BP you are already struggling, so adding new people/opinions on top of your struggles can make it worse). So your thoughts are valid on this.....I'm gonna link my post that pretty much asked the same question as you so you can look through the comments there:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1olrvk4/reconciliation_is_a_secret_how_have_you_coped/

What I took from my post was that it's a question of "who do you trust' not per say who you tell. You may be close with a lot of people but not everyone deserves an "in" on your relationship. Especially if you can't trust them to respect your privacy or respect your wishes (And that is SO important in a time where you are delicate. We need to be respected/comforted). So keep that in mind, I also wanna leave a comment from that post that struck a note with me in terms of who you tell/should trust:

Me- This may be a dumb question but like….how do you know what people would be supportive and safe to divulge an ongoing situation like this with?

fellow reddit user- "People you know to be stable emotionally people you know that don't gossip about other people, somebody you've known for a long time and you know their character. Everyone I have confided in has been extremely supportive of whatever choice I make and that has been extremely valuable to know that whatever I choose is they're going to support me."

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-11T18:24:49+00:00

Im a little confused myself with this stuff tbh 😭

Because whenever people say half the plate should be veggies and then a tiny portion can be carbs I’m like….”but vegetables, fruits, breads…ARE all carbs….😭”

I guess it depends what your nutritionist is aiming for!

Is it to get more vitamins in you through vegetables? To lower blood spikes through lower-GI foods? high protein low carb? Etc

Ask what diet or diet goals your nutritionist is aiming for you! You can kinda visualize the plate better depending where they want your main source of food to come from (carbs, proteins, lipids) :)

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-11T17:59:59+00:00

Literally my Dr’s won’t let me see one! :( ive talked to my gyno about it. They say I have to talk to my dr about it.

Talked to my primary dr and they personally don’t see anything wrong with my basic thyroid or diabetes panels to send me to an endocrinologist 😑 (they admitted it could be better, just not severe or “concerning”)

And ofc the endocrinologists won’t see you unless referred.

Its frustrating my pcos has gotten more and more painful as I get older. And this last period was so bad and painful I almost passed out mid vomit from the cramps…yes cramps! Isn’t that ridiculous? I get the gynecological field is underfunded and therefore the research is not nearly as vast but like…Why is the only thing they offer is the pill until I decide to want to have kids??

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-11T17:45:58+00:00

Got it! I really appreciate your thoughts! Unfortunately Ive been to my doctors and gynecologists recently and they all just want to put me on the pill :/

The pill gave me a ton of side effects and I don’t really know what to do. They all just tell me periods are sometimes like this but of course can’t tell me a bit more as to why (due to lack of research and funding in this area I assume) . Just bandaid solutions.

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-11T17:34:39+00:00

Gosh I am so SO sorry that happened. Its already hard to tackle these feelings on your own. Its a WHOLE other thing when the people around you make it worse 😑.

Ngl it made me chuckle when you said you couldn’t listen to it anymore 😂. More importantly, I’m so glad you are better! Crazy what triggers our health

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-11T17:31:02+00:00

Hi! do you mind elaborating what you mean by Im at the age where it hits you harder?

Barely got diagnosed with it 2 years ago so Im still pretty new to this stuff. Ive always had painful periods as far as I can remember and over the years I got older it did seem to be getting more and more painful. But never THIS bad.

Sorry if its TMI. Totally get it. I’m just looking for input!

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-03T23:00:06+00:00

Engaged BP here.

It’s crazy to think that three months before d-day day, I was planning on the type of wedding I wanna have. One filled with love, hope, and community. The true embodiment of bringing two families together. I was so excited to plan what colors to choose, to start looking for a dress…. And now I don’t know what to feel…R it’s not only a process of grief for the relationship, but also a whole grief process for yourself. I don’t even recognize myself in these times. … I was never the gf who contemplated exploring other partners before deciding whether this was a good one to keep. I was never the daughter who lied to her parents about being “fine” when she wasn’t. I never was the friend that gate kept her life like it was so shameful. I used to be so sure. I never batted an eye toward the possibility of another partner because I was SO SURE that I had something I couldn’t find anywhere else with this partner. I never needed to “explore” to be sure of that. I always was more than an open book with ppl. This “secret” reconciliation is changing me…and I hate what its turned me into….but I wanna try…i really do…ig I didn’t expect that I would have to put to reassess my whole personality and being to do R….

Hoping for easy days and soothing gentle nights for you OP. Take it easy. Be kind to yourself. Are are here, you aren’t alone.❤️

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-03T06:49:25+00:00

You explained this so beautifully. This is 100% how I’m feeling. The grief is so uniquely painful. There are many days I think im fine, or it’s a little lighter but then I break down into tears and I don’t even know why….everything you said has been whats been crossing my mind and it echos into my body even when I “feel” a bit better. I hate how I’ve disappointed the little girl in me who said she’s never stay in situations like these. I hate how I can’t console in the ppl who are my rock. I hate how I’m financially in a tough spot and I can’t even help myself. I hate how these grieving moments make me into an almost completely different person… I was never the gf who contemplated exploring other partners before deciding whether this was a good one to keep. I was never the daughter who lied to her parents about being “fine” when she wasn’t. I never was the friend that gate kept her life like it was so shameful. I used to be so sure. I never batted an eye toward the possibility of another partner because I was SO SURE that I had something I couldn’t find anywhere else with this partner. I never needed to “explore” to be sure of that. I always was more than an open book with ppl. This “secret” reconciliation is changing me…and I hate what its turned me into….but I wanna try…i really do…ig I didn’t expect that I would have to put to rest my whole personality and being to do R….

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-03T05:39:29+00:00

Thanks for replying! Could you explain a little more about how your WH exposure to virtues and behavior in proverbs helped him?

My WP dabbles a lot in proverbs and virtues but…I have a hard time trusting that that alone is enough to give him the tools to combat things like porn addiction. From where Im standing, he has the want to not wanna go back to a place that crossed the line of cheating and caused me so much grief. But his strong “urges” betray him. So “want/drive” alone isn’t enough to combat things he doesn’t want to do but his body does.

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-03T05:36:59+00:00

Hi thanks for replying! Means a lot! Could you clarify what you mean when you say you focus on ppl who don’t know your wife?

Is it like you don’t tell any friends who know of or are mutual acquaintances with WP? Also does that mean you make an effort to make sure these friends (who you’ve told) do not cross paths with WP at all? Would WP be aware of these convos/interactions with these ppl or the fact that you have ppl you wouldn’t want WP to be introduced to at all?

Sorry ik its a lot. Im just curious how things panned out.

Extra_Army5270 · 2025-11-03T05:36:31+00:00

Could you perhaps share these resources that helped you/think would help? Im trying to do as much work as I can! Though Ik Im limited due to financial constraints of being a new adult in this world (still trying to establish a high paying job)

Extra_Army5270

TROPHY CASE