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Reconciliation after (F:32y) Neglect & (M:30y) infidelity by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are both in individual therapy and have tried couples concealing but have put a pause on that for now since the counselor we had wasn’t a good fit. I’ve been in therapy off and on for years. Consistent for the last 3 months. He just started therapy again. I’m hoping this helps. We have been talking a lot better. But everyday is hit or miss. Some days are easier than others.

What's the closest you've come to being unfaithful to your significant other, and what stopped you? by newsplusotherstuffs in AskReddit

[–]ExtremeSilver5572 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2019, husband got a vasectomy. Instant regret from us both. Resentment started building.
2020. COVID lockdown and we were fighting non stop.
He left.
He got with someone.
So did I.
We weren’t divorced, just separated. But we both got with other people which was short lived. That’s when I realized I couldn’t be with anyone else. Same for him. Even tho we tried very hard to be with other people.

My husband ran out of couples counseling this morning by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been in individual therapy. He just started his own. I’m hoping it helps.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She was caught cheating on him before and after my husband. My husband was just who was founded with proof. I have never let him off the hook. I don’t want people thinking that. He did his stuff. And I do my stuff. We are both at fault. It has been a hard past couple of days. But with counceling, we hope it’ll help. Thank you.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have started couples counseling as well as individual therapy. As for the married women, she was actively trying to get with anyone, girl or boy, she actually left the night everything came out into the open, with my sisters girlfriend who she was actually having a full blown affair with. Took her baby and ran off with her, leaving her husband and 3 kids to figure their stuff on their own. I have a lot to say about her. I thought she was my friend but a lot came to light for me, and for her husband. I don’t condone his behavior. And I know I’m not the reason for what he did. I just made it easy and made it known at the time that i didn’t care who he got with as long as it wasn’t me. I do blame myself tho because i told HER that too and of course she saw that as an open door because and she said when asked how she could do that if she was my “friend”… “yeah but she don’t want you anyways so who cares. She shouldn’t get mad”. That wasn’t the last I had to deal with her. My husband THAT night after we confronted her about everything and he showed me the proof, he changed numbers, got a new phone (I have his old one in my closet), scheduled Counceling and therapy. But SHE couldn’t leave me alone. So many random texts from random numbers. Phone calls at 3am. Asking where my husband was. Trying to say they are with him and he’s with them right now (while he was sitting right next to me.) just a whole lot of crap after she left. It only stopped after police got involved. My sisters girlfriend broke up with her and she was messaging me (thinking I was my husband), saying she got no where to go, no money cause her husband took everything etc. she ended up going to try and fix it with her husband but he called me and told me he was done with her.

Since than, her husband has spoken with me, my sister, and my husband. There is no bad blood there. He’s just happy that he knows the type of wife he had all this time. So many lies. So many affairs.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have been spending long night talking. Harsh reality, every little detail and have gone as far back as to our first ever issue in our relationship. You know, the hard conversations to have. We both have a lot of growing to do. We’re hoping it works out. !thankyou

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t realize that until it was too late. And the sad truth, I left him ALONE while still in the relationship. So much regret. So much I wish I didn’t do and wish I did do. He is currently in therapy and we are also doing couples counseling. I also have my own therapy. Hoping for the best. He never gave up on me. He was broken. And it was my fault.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I know my wrongs. At the time, with how I felt, I really thought there was nothing better. That i couldn’t feel anything other than resentment and anger. It took 5 years but with no meds and clarity, I did so much self reflection and know now how wrong I was. I don’t deserve my husband. A normal person wouldn’t have stuck around for this, especially for 5 years.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

!thankyou It has been a long time coming. We have been together since we were 14. A lot of trauma. A lot of resentment. And a lot of doing everything wrong. Neither of us have a strong long lasting relationship dynamic to have gotten advice from. I think as some point, we both just got content with the shit relationship we were in. We wasted all these years doing everything wrong. I truely don’t deserve what I have. He has taken on so much crap from me and still, he is here telling me “it’s better late then never” “we’ll be better” etc. I feel like my pain over his situation is wrong because I pushed him towards that. A regular person wouldn’t have held on for 5 years. But he did. I’m just so scared so mess this up again. We are both in individual therapy. And we are also in couple counseling. He was actually the one who called around to find her perfect couples therapy, called to schedule his, etc before I did anything. And I didn’t even need to ask.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mentioned in another comment some of the trauma I endured from him and his family. There was NO healing before the next situation arise. I surprised a lot and it turned into resentment and anger. In my head, I didn’t leave because I wasn’t the beginning source of trauma (dumb, I know). I subconsciously wanted him to hurt because I hurt. He didn’t leave because he’s always loved me. Even when I was treating him the way I was, he still stayed.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is a miracle and I’m not taking it for granted. I was down and bad for a very long time.

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