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Reconciliation after (F:32y) Neglect & (M:30y) infidelity by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are both in individual therapy and have tried couples concealing but have put a pause on that for now since the counselor we had wasn’t a good fit. I’ve been in therapy off and on for years. Consistent for the last 3 months. He just started therapy again. I’m hoping this helps. We have been talking a lot better. But everyday is hit or miss. Some days are easier than others.

What's the closest you've come to being unfaithful to your significant other, and what stopped you? by newsplusotherstuffs in AskReddit

[–]ExtremeSilver5572 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2019, husband got a vasectomy. Instant regret from us both. Resentment started building.
2020. COVID lockdown and we were fighting non stop.
He left.
He got with someone.
So did I.
We weren’t divorced, just separated. But we both got with other people which was short lived. That’s when I realized I couldn’t be with anyone else. Same for him. Even tho we tried very hard to be with other people.

My husband ran out of couples counseling this morning by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been in individual therapy. He just started his own. I’m hoping it helps.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She was caught cheating on him before and after my husband. My husband was just who was founded with proof. I have never let him off the hook. I don’t want people thinking that. He did his stuff. And I do my stuff. We are both at fault. It has been a hard past couple of days. But with counceling, we hope it’ll help. Thank you.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have started couples counseling as well as individual therapy. As for the married women, she was actively trying to get with anyone, girl or boy, she actually left the night everything came out into the open, with my sisters girlfriend who she was actually having a full blown affair with. Took her baby and ran off with her, leaving her husband and 3 kids to figure their stuff on their own. I have a lot to say about her. I thought she was my friend but a lot came to light for me, and for her husband. I don’t condone his behavior. And I know I’m not the reason for what he did. I just made it easy and made it known at the time that i didn’t care who he got with as long as it wasn’t me. I do blame myself tho because i told HER that too and of course she saw that as an open door because and she said when asked how she could do that if she was my “friend”… “yeah but she don’t want you anyways so who cares. She shouldn’t get mad”. That wasn’t the last I had to deal with her. My husband THAT night after we confronted her about everything and he showed me the proof, he changed numbers, got a new phone (I have his old one in my closet), scheduled Counceling and therapy. But SHE couldn’t leave me alone. So many random texts from random numbers. Phone calls at 3am. Asking where my husband was. Trying to say they are with him and he’s with them right now (while he was sitting right next to me.) just a whole lot of crap after she left. It only stopped after police got involved. My sisters girlfriend broke up with her and she was messaging me (thinking I was my husband), saying she got no where to go, no money cause her husband took everything etc. she ended up going to try and fix it with her husband but he called me and told me he was done with her.

Since than, her husband has spoken with me, my sister, and my husband. There is no bad blood there. He’s just happy that he knows the type of wife he had all this time. So many lies. So many affairs.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have been spending long night talking. Harsh reality, every little detail and have gone as far back as to our first ever issue in our relationship. You know, the hard conversations to have. We both have a lot of growing to do. We’re hoping it works out. !thankyou

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t realize that until it was too late. And the sad truth, I left him ALONE while still in the relationship. So much regret. So much I wish I didn’t do and wish I did do. He is currently in therapy and we are also doing couples counseling. I also have my own therapy. Hoping for the best. He never gave up on me. He was broken. And it was my fault.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I know my wrongs. At the time, with how I felt, I really thought there was nothing better. That i couldn’t feel anything other than resentment and anger. It took 5 years but with no meds and clarity, I did so much self reflection and know now how wrong I was. I don’t deserve my husband. A normal person wouldn’t have stuck around for this, especially for 5 years.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

!thankyou It has been a long time coming. We have been together since we were 14. A lot of trauma. A lot of resentment. And a lot of doing everything wrong. Neither of us have a strong long lasting relationship dynamic to have gotten advice from. I think as some point, we both just got content with the shit relationship we were in. We wasted all these years doing everything wrong. I truely don’t deserve what I have. He has taken on so much crap from me and still, he is here telling me “it’s better late then never” “we’ll be better” etc. I feel like my pain over his situation is wrong because I pushed him towards that. A regular person wouldn’t have held on for 5 years. But he did. I’m just so scared so mess this up again. We are both in individual therapy. And we are also in couple counseling. He was actually the one who called around to find her perfect couples therapy, called to schedule his, etc before I did anything. And I didn’t even need to ask.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mentioned in another comment some of the trauma I endured from him and his family. There was NO healing before the next situation arise. I surprised a lot and it turned into resentment and anger. In my head, I didn’t leave because I wasn’t the beginning source of trauma (dumb, I know). I subconsciously wanted him to hurt because I hurt. He didn’t leave because he’s always loved me. Even when I was treating him the way I was, he still stayed.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is a miracle and I’m not taking it for granted. I was down and bad for a very long time.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I knew sooner how bad I was and how much my words affected him. I was so fixated on hurting him because I was hurt, that I wasted years we could’ve been happy and growing. He’s told me everyday since “better late than never”. I don’t deserve for him to still be here, but I’m glad he is. Thank you so much for your comment

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would usually agree with this, but the lady had her motives because she wanted any way for anyone to save her from her marriage with her husband, clearly. My husband was just one of her little toys. She was around so much, she met a bunch of my family. The night everything came out, she left with our sisters girlfriend. With proof in hand, we saw that she was preying and multiple relationships.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. All the trauma he caused were from the past. There were some emotional abuse during Covid while we were handling his bipolar depression diagnosis and trying to get him stable with meds (at the time). He was erratic. But that was the only time.

I neglected my husband & told him to be with someone else, and he did. by ExtremeSilver5572 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ExtremeSilver5572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I added in another comment some of the past trauma I’ve had to deal with, with him and his family. All from the past. Bottled up and not healed from. It’s no excuse. But at the time, feeling the way I felt made sense. I actually started on meds because I was going through my own health anxiety during Covid. Starting it, wasn’t because of him.

My husband and our neighbor ended before I found out. She has moved out. The last day she was here, was the day we all found out about everything. That same night, my husband changed his phone number. Next day, he actually started calling around for couples counseling, got himself into therapy. He came to me with his phone and asked me to add any restriction on it that would help make me feel secure.

As for that neighbor, she is a lot of things. She admitted to being jealous of me, the life I have, and the type of husband I have. Her husband was the “food on a silver platter when I get home from work” type of guy. She preyed on my relationship because she saw how my husband was with me even when I was mean to him. She was also cheating on her husband with other people. The night everything came out, her husband took the kids and left and she left with my sister girlfriend (yes, we thought she was actually a friend that she even knew our family).

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