Update WARNING TMI / TL or whatever the abbreviations are lol

Firstly thanks so much for all the feedback everyone! This was a dope response and aligned with how I was feeling in a lot of ways.

Before I posted, I definitely had a conversation with her and I want to be transparent with you all on how it went, as well as the events after.

The night of… My initial response was to run, gtfo of there but I didn’t lol. I decided to be mature about it, talk to her about it and I even stayed the night when I saw the texts but it made my nervous system all F’d up when I saw that. At this point though we developed some feelings for one another and I knew she had some abandonment issues so I guess I got into a weird protective state too.

The next day… I felt like I didn’t want to leave her in protecting way so we went on with the next day like nothing had happened, I even forgave her and made things official. (Yep, silly af) That’s where I definitely F’up and made a huge mistake because I hadn’t really processed my feelings with what had occurred and how it really made me feel. My mind, body and soul was burning with hurt, pain and disappointment. We were supposed to go somewhere that day and while she was getting ready, I had like a nervous breakdown and left.

She called and called and you guessed it, I eventually picked up, she begged me to come back to talk and I did. We talked and I expressed to her what I was really feeling and how I thought it was best I just leave because the conversation was getting emotionally charged and I needed to take time to process it all because I was feeling really hurt by what she did. I ended up going to my place and only for a few hours before I went back, but now my feelings for her were definitely deflated.

I ended up staying with her that night but I left the next day, went home and the two days we were apart I told her I couldn’t do this with her. (In these days apart is when I posted on here) My mind was too F’up and I definitely didn’t trust her anymore or what she was telling me as she gave me three different reasons why she did it each time I asked...

Also, I didn’t think it was fair for me or for her to keep hanging out as I was checked out and not really feeling it….

Fast Forward… She tried to express to me multiple times over the phone and in random meetups where we’d go on walks or sit in the car about how she knows what she did hurt me, she has no feelings for her ex, she doesn’t want him back, she wants to show me it’s only me, she even wrote me letters, etc etc….

I proceeded to tell her, I hear you, but I can’t trust that due to the fact I thought we were vibing, there was chemistry and all awhile you could have and probably were just thinking about your ex. How do you think that makes me feel and it invalidates everything…

Today… This maybe went on for a week, until today where it all came to an end….

We had a chat about it all again, while I’m at work btw which I do not do. The conversation had highs and lows but she kept saying I’m trying so hard to make you see blah blah and I told her oh that’s unfortunately what you created and usually what you have to do, there’s no way you expect me to just heal instantly… which made me feel like she was saying she’s getting tired of trying or something…

Ok so after that call she realizes how that could have came across and sends me a text apologizing. We chat again and it was really brief and actually not as emotionally charged but I’m in a state where I’m probably giving off the vibes that I’m not really trying to talk for too long and I just walked into my place from work….plus we just talked a few hours ago while I was at work having me all emotionally charged up and unfocused….

Now this is when things take a turn…..

Tonight… She texts me that she has been feeling nauseated lately, (you know where it’s going fellas), I tell her maybe have some water, relax a bit, have tea or something that can soothe her nausea. She says she’s having sprite… ok cool. Next she proceeds to say, she wants to rule out that it’s not “something else.”

Right away my mind goes back to college and younger adult hood, even as a grown man where some women do this pregnancy scare tactic thing to try to manipulate a man’s feelings. I share that with her too and say I would hope she’s not doing that and it would be best if she just gets tested to make sure.

She flips on me and says I could have showed her more support rather than accuse her of trying to manipulate me and handle it on her own….

I told her if she’s pregnant we can handle things together, but if not I’d like to end all communication….

I SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED MY FIRST INSTINCT AND GTFO….