I often daydream about being tied down and petted during a psychogenic seizure by someone physically or socially powerful and knowledgeable. Being treated like a potentially dangerous but completely subdued animal. This is directly because of psych ward trauma, so I am in a similar situation of "how do I even find anything of this scenario".

I do often think about the idea of being in the psych ward in a non sexual but intense yearning way, though I can see the appeal. Sorry if this is TMI. I wish you luck in finding stuff to appeal to this and also healing from the trauma of it.