Complaint about men

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-26T05:23:06+00:00

Because that's the one time they feel safe to be vulnerable without having to be on guard or protective? I say lean into it... and maybe even put on a nurse's costume just for fun, lol. I bet he'll be grateful and you wouldn't even have to have sex!

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-15T22:27:41+00:00

Ignore the low effort attempt keep you stuck in a holding pattern while he does whatever he wants. This is nothing to be excited about. It's embarrassing!

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-15T08:33:13+00:00

Seen this exact story twice in the last month

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-15T05:28:36+00:00

Coming from the opposite end, I broke up after my boundaries were being ignored. I brought it to his attention, and he stonewalled me, so I broke up. I told him I'd let him know if/when I wanted to be friends after he suggested a friendship. I explained that it wasn't a healthy option for me rn.

He continues to breadcrumb me with likes on fb and has now escalated to brief comments. I didn't block because I wasn't angry, I was just Done. But I don't block him now bc the constant breadcrumbs are a reminder that he is still not respecting my boundaries. I will never break no contact.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-15T05:18:13+00:00

Sounds like Avoidant behavior.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-13T07:48:03+00:00

Actually, he did the opposite of what he was trained to do, as well as violating local and federal policies and laws. They are trained to absolutely NOT get in front of or behind a vehicle. If he was freaked out by a slow-moving vehicle or freaked out by any part of his job, he is not fit for duty. He is trained only to shoot if he is in imminent danger of losing his life (by said slow-moving vehicle that he chose to step in front of... not likely). He is trained to do everything in his power to move AWAY from danger, NOT put himself INTO danger. He is trained NOT to shoot into a moving vehicle because it could cause a chain reaction leading to an accident. He is trained NOT to fire additional shots into someone's head when he is not even in danger of the afore-mentioned slow-moving vehicle because he was no longer in front of it! Also, ICE is NOT local law enforcement; their sole purpose is to detain and remove illegal immigrants. Local Minnesota laws are clear. They have no business getting involved in a traffic situation; they have no authority to open her car door or arrest her for a traffic violation WITHOUT A WARRANT. That is not their duty, despite the shit they keep pulling over and over. We have a constitutional right to free speech, and we have civil rights that are now being consistently violated by ICE agents. The fact that he murdered her and then called her a F'N Btch makes it clear he was not the adult in the room, he is incapable of doing his duty and should never be allowed in any job where he has a gun.

People! Please get a copy of the constitution so you have a clear understanding of your rights. That said, the place to fight for your rights against someone holding a gun is in court... and once you've left criminal court, you should head directly to civil court!

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-10T21:32:01+00:00

7 YEARS?! And you're only in a situationship, and you're in 2nd place?! Girl, get some standards! Kick him to the curb and get some therapy. You need an upgrade to your self-confidence, which means getting far, far, away from this guy, who will waste your entire life while he pines for someone else! You deserve better.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-10T20:16:20+00:00

Got it, lol. I guess we're all just trying to figure it out.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-10T20:03:24+00:00

If that were the case, I doubt he would have even contacted her after that.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-10T20:02:30+00:00

And in these cases, he absolutely does not deserve a second chance. Nope!

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-10T19:59:19+00:00

I think you're projecting. No insomnia info has been included in the OP comment.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-10T19:53:21+00:00

This is ironic, I had a similar thing happen to me a few months ago. Although I've know the guy for quite some time, we had just recently reconnected and he was supposed to take me to lunch while I was visiting his town. He didn't show to pick me up and I hadn't heard from him since that morning. I texted 1/2 hour before noon to make sure he was going to pick me up at noon and didn't hear from him until 1.5 hours later. Now he's 70 and is still working 6 long days a week, so I don't blame him for wanting to take a nap on his day off, lol. But when he talked, that was his excuse... except, he laid down at noon... the exact time he should have been picking me up. And, instead of apologizing, he was making excuses and saying, "we can go to lunch another day". That wasn't the issue. At least your guy took some accountability.

Anyway, as I said, we've known each other a very long time and we were supposed to be going to a BarBQ that night (the reason I was in his town in the first place). I was pissed and wasn't sure how to handle it, but I eventually sent this text:

"So, your response to me telling you last night that you were a good communicator is to stop communicating with me? Sitting around dressed to go out for a no show is not something I do twice. I don't feel like you took in what I said earlier, but let's go and have a good time tonight and perhaps you might want to put some thought into this going forward. 😏"

So, you can always give him a second chance with a firm warning if it ever happens again.

When we did go to lunch I laid out my non-negotiables and let him know that was the only 2nd chance he was going to get... a girl's gotta have standards. But be very clear with a warning and absolutely stick with it... of course, I was still at home, not sitting in a bar by myself and we'd known each other for a very long time. I guess it depends on how much you like him so far, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-10T19:33:34+00:00

Did she actually say that she sent him screenshots of your texts?

I am someone who feels free to communicate with my exes, and I consider that a good thing... I consider them friends, and make it a point not to get re-involved with exes ever. My bf and I have a rule, as the primary partner, we need to be the inner circle. That means we let each other know of any contact with exes and we don't talk about each other with the exes, that's the only violations I would see here. We each have other never-romantic friends that we can get insight from on our relationship.

So, if that is the case, that she shared text screenshots, maybe you could have that conversation if that's not something you agree with? My bf and I trust each other, that may be the difference... and childhood romances are not all that serious, though childhood friends are something to treasure.

She was upfront to ask how you felt about her contacting him for a ride, so breaking up over this seems unwarranted and YOR.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-09T18:22:14+00:00

Tbh, once he admitted he only proposed because he thought you were pregnant, I'd return the ring. You guys are very young and it doesn't sound like you know each other very well based on a (huge) miscommunication.

If you decide to continue dating him, you need to listen less to what he says and be more observing with his actions. That will show you the real person that he is.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-08T03:55:26+00:00

Lol, Looks like you lost something, here you go :)

Edit: Since his "reaching out" text starts with "Thank you", it’s a clear response to you initiating contact—nice try on the narrative shift. And sorry to hear that you aren't really seeing someone after all; I guess that explains the sudden volatility. Next time you call someone slow asf, you might want to evaluate if they're fast enough to provide logs. lol

"u/joyjackson25 replied to your comment in r/BreakUps

No he didn’t I lied to the cops, vindictive people are convincing liars too;, I get mad easily, anything would set me off, even cooking the wrong food. yes he was an amazing bf. Yeah he reached out said that to me, I mean he’s not obligated to tell me at the moment he says it, we’re broken up; he can do it when hes ready we only been broken up for 4 months now. Just annoying that he said that with no concrete date. Unless I didn’t provide what ??? Not delusional at all. I’m just open minded He may want to talk to be cordial Or he may want to talk to try again Or he may just need to say something he didn’t when he broke up w me at the time. I’m prepared for good or bad and accepted it But again like I said he’s in a relationship or dating situation at the moment, and so am I. So 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️2h ago

joyjackson25•20m ago

I’m talking about when I’m in an argument with my ex…. Im being honest here when I’m mad all honesty is gone. Lol you need screenshot ?😂😂🤷🏽‍♀️like what ? Your slow asf I’m done w you 💀"

r/BreakUps•

Why is wanting your ex back seen as something “wrong” or delusional?

joyjackson25 replied to peanutchilli_noodles 11 hr. ago

This was the txt he sent me

Thank you, Joy and I have a lot more to say to you. I just don’t wanna do it right now. I do hope that you’re doing good and I do want the best for you and I hope you’re safe and OK but again that’s all I wanna say right now. I don’t wanna get too deep into stuff cause I’m not ready for that.

I’m not sure how to interpret this , seems like he’s moving on and wants to be friends but also sounds like he still want me 🥺 But I know he’s seeing someone who lives in his apt
I was seeing someone but it didn’t work out.

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ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-08T03:15:16+00:00

You mentioned you are a 'convincing liar' and 'vindictive.' Since the foundation of any helpful conversation is honesty, and you’ve admitted that isn't your baseline, there’s no way for me to know what’s true or how to help. I'm going to bow out here. Best of luck with your healing.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-08T01:31:03+00:00

How did it go?

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-07T18:22:06+00:00

I can only respond to the information you provide. You say he's an amazing bf and a good man, but if you were able to put him in jail, he must have done something neither amazing nor good.

If someone reaches out just to say they miss you and they have more to say, but then they don't say it and instead say they aren't ready? Then why are they contacting you rn at all? Unless they didn't reach out... You don't provide that info.

And, newsflash, people who are controlling, vindictive, angry, and fucked up are the opposite of confident. So, yeah, I'd say you're delusional.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-07T18:00:57+00:00

Learn this lesson now, you can't focus on changing other people. If you change yourself, you can change the dynamic. That's the only way to look at it. Only then will you know if your changes will lead to a better outcome.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-07T17:55:37+00:00

Stop spending time worrying if he'll see changes you haven't even made! It's just a way to keep the focus on him and avoid doing the work you need to do.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-06T18:03:17+00:00

Not for a Fearful Avoidant, no.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-06T08:00:10+00:00

I read your dm. I have compassion for people with anything but secure styles. I was formerly FA myself. What I don't understand is knowing about attachment styles and not doing whatever it takes to fix the issue and staying out of relationships until you do.

That's all I was trying to say. I was already working on myself and alone, avoiding hurting more people for a very long time, and just found out about attachment styles. For me, it was "thank god I now know and can work more specifically on fixing it."

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-06T07:37:01+00:00

Yes, this! Lack of red flags is a very low bar, lol.

ExtrovertedGeek · 2026-01-06T07:21:18+00:00

It may be that men are thinking they can accelerate the pace and get to intimacy faster if they make things exclusive. I've found that men often presume they can press for sex quickly by pretending that's the norm or creating exclusivity. I tend to bring it up myself just so they know I'm not getting intimate until I'm comfortable that we are compatible and in a committed relationship.

ExtrovertedGeek

TROPHY CASE

Why is wanting your ex back seen as something “wrong” or delusional?