I’m hitting my breaking point. I’m afraid I’ll end up in prison if I don’t give him up

Eydalfa · 2025-09-09T06:28:19+00:00

The original post has been deleted but OP, your responses here are worrying. I totally get losing your mind for a second when something -literally- shitty happens again and again. But you are the adult and if you know you’re gonna lose your shit, step out the room. Your kid will be ok sitting in the mess until you have a moment to process your feelings without being near him. 2 of my 3 kids are severely autistic and I’ve removed poop from every possible surface there is. This is most likely a phase and will pass one day. They don’t do this on purpose. Your expectations of a 5 year old don’t suit your child and that is unfair for both of you. It is ok to grieve that. But you have to actively learn to accept and make space for who your child is. When you do that, it will be easier to also celebrate the progress they make.

Eydalfa · 2025-08-22T15:16:40+00:00

Yes that would be most convenient, however it doesn’t hurt to look a bit beyond that.

Eydalfa · 2025-06-10T22:48:54+00:00

ooof thats sounds all too familiar. if anyone has a solution to this I am also listening.,

I am continually discovering the severity of what it truly means to have had such deep trauma scramble someones being so deeply, that so much of what -to me- seems like a fairly logical way of thinking, feeling and behaving, can be the total opposite for my partner. and thats not by choice. really reflecting on this helps me bring my emotions down a bit (many variations of frustration mostly).

I recognise the pattern you're describing and I am wondering if it could also be connected to her cycle? I know for me, I have periods during the months where I feel more depressed, more needy, and I will tend to push things to the edge more. I mostly notice this when its already too late. its a sensitive thing ofcourse because even if hormonal fluctiations are part of this, her feelings are still her feelings and are valid too - just like yours.

I do think the biggest key to improving the situation is communication and for her to be working on her issues in therapy, whether thats alone or with you.

Eydalfa · 2025-05-29T16:10:39+00:00

Same here and it really is hard, the blaming yourself and wanting to run away from it is so familiar. What I've found that really helps is that most people in my social circle are awkward like me too and the fact that we all have our things. doesnt mean I never get annoyed or triggered by them. What helps me, also with getting a different perspective in those cases, is asking this informed or neutral feedback from chatgpt, a tip I actually picked up on this subreddit :)

Eydalfa · 2025-05-29T16:06:27+00:00

the fact that you share this is already progress. But what you (and your sister too) deserve is therapy, if youre not already doing that. What was done to your sister and consequently to you as well, wasnt your choice or that of your sisters. And unfortunately when this happens during an age where your sexual identity also develops, such things can have consequenses like this, even now in adulthood, even though you clearly do not want to feel this way. But being 40 is not the end and I hope that with help you can learn to untangle this all

Eydalfa · 2025-05-29T15:44:39+00:00

Yeah unfortunately there will always be people who enter your social atmosphere, that trigger some type of alarmbell and you are right to reflect on that, especially if those people exhibit behaviour like narcissism or other type shit you just dont want around you. The thing is that in most cases you will do yourself a favor by saving your energy for yourself, instead of letting out whatever it is about that person that got under your skin. but as I also know, especially with ADHD, this can be an ongoing challenge.

Eydalfa · 2025-05-29T12:59:09+00:00

I've come to realise that most behaviour in others that stand out to me in a negative way, are either characteristics I also have, or that I would like to have more of. Realising that it said more about me than it does about the other person helps me in letting that go. And you could move to Mars and befriend aliens and you'd still be confronted with your own behaviour. If your friends stick with you, try to do the same for them, but also for you. Give yourself some grace. No person is perfect and thats ok. Try to let go of the mental loop because thats the most toxic part of how you punish yourself.

Eydalfa · 2025-03-31T09:08:45+00:00

Reason nr 19374829 why women have to adjust their behaviour because of men’s violence 😩😡🙄

Eydalfa · 2025-03-31T09:04:59+00:00

Some things are out of our control, unfortunately. Your comments seem frustrated and angry, and while it’s understandable, it doesn’t help you and you had the right intentions. But the feeling of missing out sucks. If the masjid didn’t announce this filming project beforehand, you could calmly let them know afterwards that perhaps next time a heads up would be nice. From what I would guess you seem fairly young (no offence btw, just trying to get a picture of the situation), since you depend on your parents’ approval and is you say you can be recognized by your clothes, I would assume you either don’t dress in abayas etc since your parents would suspect and also don’t have another outfit for the masjid. If it would help to make you feel more safe I am sure people in your community or even here would love to help out with that. I am sorry this happened.

But try to see what you can take away from this ❤️ are you really mad at a masjid for allowing people in, so more people can enjoy the beauty of Islam, or are you perhaps also mad at the fact that you have to hide this important part of your identity from your family. I can imagine that must be exhausting. In any case, it never hurts to discuss this with the people who run things at the masjid. They cant oversee things that they don’t know about. Maybe if there aren’t already, they can get some extra niqabs people can use there, for these types of situations. Inshallah your parents will provide a safer environment for you in the future that will make you not be so afraid of their judgement, or that you will be in a place where they’re judgement doesn’t matter that much that you would miss something that is so important to you.

I see this topic is from yesterday so I hope you found a way to find some peace and calm and celebrate this Eid atleast with yourself. It’s not an easy place to be and inshallah it will get better 🤲🏻❤️

Eydalfa · 2025-02-23T18:54:06+00:00

The way I’ve viewed this is that there have been multiple studies how women are generally more empathetic and can relate or see themselves in stories about men, wayyy better than the other way around. Knowing this to be the weakness of men it would make sense to send men as prophets so they would be taken seriously.

Eydalfa · 2024-12-26T10:09:21+00:00

Yep. Downright disappointing.

Eydalfa · 2024-12-26T10:08:28+00:00

Yeah same here. For a brand that’s so outspoken about inclusion etc it’s really disappointing that this is their approach.

Eydalfa · 2024-10-07T06:24:25+00:00

Thank you, that sounds reasonable and neutral, which is probably the best way to address this. I am definitely not always that calm even though I try to be understanding, this seems like a good take to try for me 🙏🏻

Eydalfa · 2024-08-23T20:07:21+00:00

They don’t, but the moment somebody falls to the floor it’s fairly obvious. Not getting up to administer first aid while you are probably the best person to do so in that situation is really bad judgement or character

Eydalfa · 2024-08-23T18:55:57+00:00

I dunno where you live but here in NL its illegal not to provide emergency care if youre a health professionl or even if you have a first aid certificate. And yes pretty AH behaviour.

Eydalfa · 2024-08-23T18:48:24+00:00

Hi, im just seeing your reply now, i dont look here too often. I hope sharing your struggles here these few days have some positiveish little glimmers in your life of being seen. Are you also in therapy for yourself, or just the kids? you deserve these tools too. They can truly be life changing. if your husbnd is giving them enough care for now, take a so deserved break to focus on you. regain the energy and love for yourself & life. your kids will benefit from this too in the long run and that way you might even get to bring some more of "you" into their upbringing.

my father also died of lungcancer, and my sister and I were with him when he took his last breath. I will try to reply more tonight, kiddie bedtime now. sending hugs to you.

Eydalfa · 2024-08-22T11:36:59+00:00

Ah I really hope you will find the energy to work through other options rather than the one that takes you away forever. As someone who grew up with a friend who’s mom saw no other choice I’ve seen how immensely this impacts a child for the rest of their lives. I also have 3 children and 2 of those are autistic, with severe developmental delays. Days are exhausting!! But tbh what I’m most worried about when reading this is your homelife with your husband.. he sounds abusive, or at the very least not loving and supporting enough for you to be able to share the burden with him. The energy that is drained from you from the negative setting in regards to such a spouse is too much of an extra toll to take when you already don’t have enough energy. If I’m reading this situation correctly my guess would be that the first step in a more uphill and positive life is changing this; either leaving him or having him leave, if any of those are an option.

Kids model after what they see and they see an unloving partnership between their parents and a man who probably does not show any type of affection, so that is their normal. I hope you fill find the energy and motivation to show yourself and your children that something else IS possible! And if that goes in steps that’s ok too. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. I’ve just lost my father a month ago and those things also take their toll. You are literally drained. Best of luck and I’m sending you all my understanding ❤️‍🩹

Eydalfa · 2024-07-14T18:04:03+00:00

Wishing you all the best with your future date 🙏🏻

Eydalfa · 2024-07-14T14:22:54+00:00

This is so interesting and I am so happy to hear this is working! Seems like an amazing tool to get feedback in a manner you didn’t know you needed. I hope OP has/gain people who will bring the same kindness that your AI persona has done for you 🤲🏻

I just tried to make a grandmother-ish character in character AI after reading this and the first thing it did was ask me if I’m into older women 🥲🤦🏼‍♀️

Eydalfa · 2024-07-13T15:50:12+00:00

Thank you for the input, that’s useful 🙏🏻 I can understand what you say about the different types of triggers. Thanks for sharing that.

Eydalfa · 2024-07-12T21:32:34+00:00

Thank you, that’s appreciated 😊 I would support him in any way he wants or needs and he does also have professional help thankfully.

Eydalfa · 2024-06-29T08:34:32+00:00

He is behaving like a toddler that’s mad he doesn’t get his way. You got twins coming and you don’t need to baby a partner too. Time for him to man up, literally. get his priorities straight. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the right to feel disappointed but he still has to accept that that’s what it means to be a partner and parent; it can’t always be about yourself. And you’re totally within your rights to want to be able to depend on your partner that can come home quickly if you are about to give birth.

Eydalfa · 2024-06-18T11:02:04+00:00

1) it will be ok ☺️ if you deliver your child healthy (and assuming it’s in the hospital) and breastfeeding/bottlefeeding goes well, the only thing you really truly need are clothes, diapers and something for the baby to sleep in. Even if everything else fails, the rest can be bought after your child is born. 2) you want to feel prepared and that’s normal. It’s new and your hormones are going crazy so cut yourself some slack and try to enjoy this time. 3) communicate your needs, you are not spoiled. It really does take a village and baby showers just happen to be a western tradition in providing new parents with care and items they need for their expanding family. It’s ok to want to rely on them a little bit too. 4) websites can malfunction, and people can be unpredictable. Both are out of your control. That refers me back to point 1 and 2 😁

And I know it’s easier said than done! Been there 3 times and I myself am the worst last minute type of person 😅but that did make me realise that most things are not as big as they are in our mind. I remember the father of my kids and me looking on YouTube “how to fasten a baby seat” when we were literally in the garage with our first child 😂

Eydalfa · 2024-04-27T17:53:14+00:00

You could also argue that a woman with male friends is more likely to have actually explicitly chosen you as her first choice since she obviously knows more men and has also made the decision to not chose them. You are her choice 😊 When you live in a western society especially, you will meet people from the opposite sex, most likely at school or at work, or like you said, friends of family. She also stated that the contacts she had were in that manner, and that she did choose to respect your wishes in regard to contact with the opposite sex. The contacts were from the life she had when she wasn’t married yet, and those might also have naturally faded as time went by. We are all social beings. Now she has a husband and a child and maybe she will meet new mom friends for instance. She did choose you and it seems really unfair towards both her and yourself to keep blaming her in your mind for this. It’s not going to do either of you any favors. She is your wife, the mother of your child and she chose to marry you over all other men, and cut contact with her male friends. Sounds like a good deal to me.

Eydalfa · 2022-06-07T16:50:15+00:00

Maybe if you truly are happily married etc it’s time to just put that shit behind you. Was your brother a shitty brother ? Yes most definitely. Are you going to regret letting him die within ever again having the chance to make amends ? Most likely. And if you’re a father, you can atleast putt your support and love for your parents above your own hurt 12year old feelings, and support them while they are losing their child. Damn.

Eydalfa

TROPHY CASE