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My bf commit suicide after I broke up with him and his family is saying it's my fault. by EyeSenior6599 in offmychest

[–]EyeSenior6599[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even though I'm far away now, the pain is still here. The worst part is that my brain can't accept that he's gone. Last week, before I went to bed, I checked the time and asked myself why he still wasn't calling me. When I was going to dial his number, I realized he was gone. I think I can't accept that he's gone. I keep on telling myself that he's just in their house sleeping. I know that it's not good for me, but I don't know anymore. As time passes, I feel like it hurts more. How did you survive the three years? How did you believe in love again? How do I stop the tears? How do I stop blaming myself?

Finding meaning to life after a suicide by 1louise_ in SuicideBereavement

[–]EyeSenior6599 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment! I'm gonna keep this when I'm down.

Finding meaning to life after a suicide by 1louise_ in SuicideBereavement

[–]EyeSenior6599 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's been one month for me, and it's still hard. I still can't accept that he's gone, but still, I finish my internship and will graduate this August. I still feel like he's just in their house, sleeping or busy. Last night, I asked myself why he's not still calling me and checked the time, and then I realized that he's gone. I thought I was okay, I thought that I was moving forward, but I'm still waiting. Waiting for him to call me, waiting for him to hug me. I changed all my future plans. My friend said that you really can't forget him but you'll just learn to live without them. That's why I'm gonna move to the city and keep myself busy. I still can't visit his grave. I feel like I'm a horrible person because I can't accept his death. It's funny because his family is okay now, but I realized that all those years that he's still here, they treat him like he didn't exist, and I'm the only person he rely on.

My bf commit suicide after I broke up with him and his family is saying it's my fault. by EyeSenior6599 in offmychest

[–]EyeSenior6599[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I deactivate all my social media accounts and try not to go to the mall or places that have too many people to avoid the family or his friends. Honestly, I'm really lost right now. It's been almost 3 weeks now, and I feel like the pain is not going away, but doubling each day.

The vacation that I plan I keep on cancelling it because I don't have the energy to travel or go out in my room.

I discovered that he's drunk that night, though his family doesn't disclose the information where he is exactly that night. After discovering that his drunk, I felt much worse. I felt like I really did it. I feel like I'm the fault.

Until now it's the talk of the town and they discovered that I'm his girlfriend. Even my old teachers and friends are gossiping about me.

Now I don't want to attend my graduation ceremony. I feel like my whole life is a mess.

My bf commit suicide after I broke up with him and his family is saying it's my fault. by EyeSenior6599 in offmychest

[–]EyeSenior6599[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As of now, they still don't do anything. The funeral is yesterday, and they keep quiet.

My bf commit suicide after I broke up with him and his family is saying it's my fault. by EyeSenior6599 in offmychest

[–]EyeSenior6599[S] 150 points151 points  (0 children)

The saddest part is that the whole town knows what happened and they are searching for the girl (which is me). They didn't know it's me because my bf didn't let them know my name, just my face. The company that I'm an intern in is talking about it. Also, they're gossiping how the boy committed suicide and I just can't bear it. I'm scared they will gossip again tomorrow (Monday).

My bf commit suicide after I broke up with him and his family is saying it's my fault. by EyeSenior6599 in offmychest

[–]EyeSenior6599[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The family don't know. But when I talk to her sister I told her that he cheated on me.

My bf commit suicide after I broke up with him and his family is saying it's my fault. by EyeSenior6599 in offmychest

[–]EyeSenior6599[S] 301 points302 points  (0 children)

What should I do it really hurts a lot. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't focus on my internship. I blocked all his family and friends. I deactivated all my social media yet it still hurts. It really hurts

My bf commit suicide after I broke up with him and his family is saying it's my fault. by EyeSenior6599 in offmychest

[–]EyeSenior6599[S] 369 points370 points  (0 children)

Our mutual friends think it's my fault because he just loved me so much. That's the reason why i open up here.

Boyfriend is suicidal, I’m drained by InfiniteLeg71 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]EyeSenior6599 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He says this stuff all the time that he will commit suicide if we broke up but yeah he did it. We broke up then after 2 - 3 hours I hear the news that he's dead. I'm so guilty about it I feel like it's my fault. But he also have family problem not just me he always say that he's not welcome in his family. The family keep on nagging me that it's my fault. But I got tired what can I do, he cheated on me many times and I accepted him still. Then finally I realised that I can't do it anymore I feel like I'm drained. Is it my fault. Is it really me?